The Guide to the Conservative Palinguage Vol.2 -- the People's Edition
This is the Vol. 2 of The Guide to the Conservative Palinguage. I'm calling this one the People's Edition because you, the people, have obviously been taking AP courses in talking Conservative. I've been slammed with responses. Enough that I can promise you there will be future volumes. Along with some of mine, I've mixed in a few of yours for everybody's linguistic pleasure.
Before we start, I'd like to note that I intimated in Vol. 1 that English is a Latin based language. Hondorf was among a few others who pointed out that English is "primarily German based, yes, but it is really a hybrid of Germanic and Romantic languages . . . by the way, I am a redneck."
Clearly, none of us should judge a neck by its color.
A reminder, we're collecting Palinisms here, and over at That Minority Thing.com. If you've got 'em, send 'em.
Ready? Let's begin!
If you get 18 million people to vote for you in a national presidential primary, you're a "phoney." Get 100,000+ people to vote you governor of the 47th most populous state in the Union, you're "well loved."
SoyAA says: If you are biracial and born in a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs darn near 2 years and 3 major speeches to "get to know you." If you're white and from a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs 36 minutes and 38 seconds worth of an acceptance speech to know you're "one of us."
If you give your wife a dap on stage, it's actually a "terrorist fist jab." If your daughter licks her palm so that she can slick down your youngest child's hair on national TV it's an "adorable moment." (Seriously, forget about abstinence only, teach these folks some grooming skills).
DTD SAYS: If your pastor rails against inequality in the United States of America, you're an "extremist." If your pastor welcomes a sermon by a member of Jews for Jesus who preaches that the killing of Jews by terrorists is a lesson to Jews that they must convert to Christianity, you're a "fundamentalist."
If you're a black man and you use a scholarship to get into college, then work your way up to being the president of the Harvard Law Review, you're "uppity." If you're a conservative and your parents pay your way to Hawaii Pacific University . . . you only have four more schools to attend over the next five years before you somehow manage to graduate (it might be five more schools over the next five years. No one has yet verified whether or not Palin was actually ever registered at the University of Hawaii at Hilo. But, you know how shady people are who ever attended any kind of school in Hawaii).
SeanOcali says: If you're 18, white, and get a 16 year old girl pregnant "life happens." If you're 18, black, and impregnate a 16 year old girl, you're a "registered sex offender."
If you spend 18 months building a campaign around the theme of "Change," it's just "empty rhetoric." If one week before your party's national convention you SUDDENLY make your candidacy about "Change," that's "red meat."
And your last lesson for the day:
If you are a Democrat, an Independent, or even a moderate Republican, if you're female, male, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, bi-racial, multi-ethnic, or GLBT, if you're a Jew, Gentile, Muslim, agnostic or atheist -- "Yes, we can!"
If you're a pitbull with lipstick from Alaska, "Yup, yup!"
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Apparently, those of us with Republican friends and acquaintances are just trying to run in the wrong circles. They all must be the ones who are raking in a cool $250,000 while the rest of us are scraping by. That's why they're so concerned about Obama raising their taxes and lowering ours.
And when McCain taxes their employer-paid health insurance (because they are lucky enough to get that benefit), they'll be ok with that since the extra $1,800 they'll pay in taxes is just chump change.
How true! Loved your article, John. I hope more people come to realize what a bunch of hypocrites the right really are. But their true colors really came out with the daughter's pregnancy. Rush criticized Jaime Lynn Spears and said it was the parents' fault that she got pregnant and yet Palin's daughter is their poster child.
O'Reilly too.
Hagee, in his book "What Every Man Wants in a Woman," wrote, "Do you know the difference between a woman with PMS and a snarling Doberman pinscher? The answer is lipstick."
I wonder if Sarah Palin read Hagee's book?
How about this one John Ridley?:
When Palin taxes the rich (oil companies), then distributes a check of $1200 to the Alaskan population, she's "standing up to corporations", "looking out for the people". When Obama, or any Democrat so much as even talks about taxing corporations to even out the burden, he's "a socialist" , "a marxist", "a communist".
Same action, different vocabulary!
This has been in effect since 1976. Palin didn't start distribution of checks to the residents of Alaska....
A bit off topic here, but...
What's the difference between Sarah Palin and Dick Cheney?
30 years... and lipstick!
What's the difference between a Bush/Cheney White House and a McCain/Palin White House?
Lipstick!
Some of these snippets would make great tv or radio commercials. I would contribute to those right now.
If you're a strong, intelligent, accomplished black woman who speaks honestly, you're an "Angry Black Woman".
If you're a white woman "pitbull" who attacks her opponent with lies, you're a breath of fresh air that will re-vitalize the Republican Party.
Bullseye!
Lee Atwater would be so proud.
Pants on Fire Palin would seem a suitable nickname for so many reasons! A good bumber sticker too...
John, these are priceless words! Truly laughed out loud this time. Thanks!
No the reality is that some Americans' were just looking for an excuse NOT to vote for the black man. United we stand, dividesd we most definetly fall. The world is watching to see which America will prevail... The one we say we are or the one we truly are. One will heal the world while the other will destroy it.
I will vote for anyone of any color for president who has a proven record of service and accomplishment that enables me to make an informed decision. Ironic that those with that kind of record in this election are McCain and Biden.
Obama's been serving the community since he left college, what, 26 years ago. You should have a lot to judge him by.
Yeah? How'd that work with regard to the war in Iraq?
What about, if you are Clarence Thomas (who is conservative) and there is a smear campaign against you, the NAACP will not come to your aid, because they have a primarily liberal agenda.
If you are Sarah Palin and getting slammed disgracefully in the media, no women's groups come to your aid because you are conservative.
I'm still kind of surprised, Palin got some nasty treatment in television, print media, and internet blogs, yet she drew a TV audience almost comparable to Obama's.
Honestly, I think people have doubts still about Obama, some see him as too extreme, elite, and almost a radical, the more I learn about Obama's past and influences, it makes me doubt him.
Whereas, Palin (and her family who got dragged into it) comes across like someone everyone knows. Everyone knew someone in high school who became pregnant, or had a family member or friends family member go though that. Over 10 million families in America have a special needs child. Also, the rabid media feeding frenzy just made people more curious about her, and so far, the more people have learned about Sarah Palin, many like her.
Actually, If you have the intellect of a fruit fly and believe that the entire world was populated by Adam and Eve and their protegy, and refer to those who understand that Darwin knew what he was talking
about when he introduced his theories of evolution and intelligent selection to the world in the yaer
1850 A.D. as non-Christians and Satanists, you're sure to vote for John McCain.
If you're educated and know quality from garbage, intelligence from stupidity, the truth from a crock
of B.S., actual achievement from fluff and acumen from senility, you'll vote for Barack obama.
Whoa! I'm voting for Obama and definatley believe in God, not evolution. Pump your brakes with this sort of logic.
We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."- Einstein
and
AP=FoxNews
Yup-Yup, .... Those Rebubicans are such "Stinkers". The try to untie their shoes by making more knots!
As always John, you nailed it. Thanks for putting into words what my brain has been fuming about these past days. The Palin favoribility factor proves three things:
1. The main stream media is a joke and has failed our society.
2. There is a double standard in our country, one is racism, which is never ackowledged or discussed and the other is sexism, which is screamed from the rafters by white female politicians when they are losing based on their ineptness not gender.
3. America definitely deserves the leaders we get if we base our decisions on who we prefer to have a beer with. This election will prove how far we have come or how far we have fallen, if we elect the party that has failed us based on the likability of a hockey mom who refers to herself as a pitbull with lipstick.
To its its regular inventory of greed and fear, the GOP has added one other product it can sell: resentment of intelligent people.
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