The Guide to the Conservative Palinguage Vol.2 -- the People's Edition

This is the Vol. 2 of The Guide to the Conservative Palinguage. I'm calling this one the People's Edition because you, the people, have obviously been taking AP courses in talking Conservative. I've been slammed with responses. Enough that I can promise you there will be future volumes. Along with some of mine, I've mixed in a few of yours for everybody's linguistic pleasure.

Before we start, I'd like to note that I intimated in Vol. 1 that English is a Latin based language. Hondorf was among a few others who pointed out that English is "primarily German based, yes, but it is really a hybrid of Germanic and Romantic languages . . . by the way, I am a redneck."

Clearly, none of us should judge a neck by its color.

A reminder, we're collecting Palinisms here, and over at That Minority Thing.com. If you've got 'em, send 'em.

Ready? Let's begin!

If you get 18 million people to vote for you in a national presidential primary, you're a "phoney." Get 100,000+ people to vote you governor of the 47th most populous state in the Union, you're "well loved."

SoyAA says: If you are biracial and born in a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs darn near 2 years and 3 major speeches to "get to know you." If you're white and from a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs 36 minutes and 38 seconds worth of an acceptance speech to know you're "one of us."

If you give your wife a dap on stage, it's actually a "terrorist fist jab." If your daughter licks her palm so that she can slick down your youngest child's hair on national TV it's an "adorable moment." (Seriously, forget about abstinence only, teach these folks some grooming skills).

DTD SAYS: If your pastor rails against inequality in the United States of America, you're an "extremist." If your pastor welcomes a sermon by a member of Jews for Jesus who preaches that the killing of Jews by terrorists is a lesson to Jews that they must convert to Christianity, you're a "fundamentalist."

If you're a black man and you use a scholarship to get into college, then work your way up to being the president of the Harvard Law Review, you're "uppity." If you're a conservative and your parents pay your way to Hawaii Pacific University . . . you only have four more schools to attend over the next five years before you somehow manage to graduate (it might be five more schools over the next five years. No one has yet verified whether or not Palin was actually ever registered at the University of Hawaii at Hilo. But, you know how shady people are who ever attended any kind of school in Hawaii).

SeanOcali says: If you're 18, white, and get a 16 year old girl pregnant "life happens." If you're 18, black, and impregnate a 16 year old girl, you're a "registered sex offender."

If you spend 18 months building a campaign around the theme of "Change," it's just "empty rhetoric." If one week before your party's national convention you SUDDENLY make your candidacy about "Change," that's "red meat."

And your last lesson for the day:

If you are a Democrat, an Independent, or even a moderate Republican, if you're female, male, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, bi-racial, multi-ethnic, or GLBT, if you're a Jew, Gentile, Muslim, agnostic or atheist -- "Yes, we can!"

If you're a pitbull with lipstick from Alaska, "Yup, yup!"

ThatMinorityThing.com

Comments

[huangem]

Thank you for this article... it says exactly what I was thinking about the Republican party.

[Redbeard0504]

Ah John, you left one out here. If you are the vetted Democrat and choose an experienced, moderate senior statesman to be your VP you are not putting the country first.

But if you are the vetted Republican and you choose a yet to be vetted, inexperienced, right-wing Governor for your VP pick you are brilliant, a maverick and you are putting the country first!

[brwnizofmine]

The Republicans always find a wedge issue and then divide the electorate. It use to be social issues in the past. This year it's going to the media. One thing we know about Republicans is that they do not think for themselves. The conservative media thinks for them. I saw that on C-Span this morning. We deserve everything we get in the next four years if we let this happen again.

I have a Republican friend and we are friends, who told me yesterday that this year she will not be fooled. She also told me that there were lots more like her, I assumed in her family. She said that if Mc had chosen Romney, she would have had to weigh the two tickets and it would have been a hard choice for her. But, she said she would not vote for Mc now because of PaLIN, because she was not qualified to be a heartbeat away from the presidency and that safety was her first concern. She said a pretty face for her did not outweigh her security issues and that in her opinion if something happened to O she would feel safe with BiDEN. I've been nursing this person along for awhile and trying to give her all of the answers to questions that she needed. She voted for BU SH twice and very much regrets it. I try not to rub it in her face.

[ImmanuelKant]

All I can add is great comparatiave analysis.

[bodo]

I think it will be hard for the Republicans to sell their "me too" idea of change to the voters. What exactly will they change if they approve of everything the Bush administration has done? Will they change their domestic agenda? No. Will they change their foreign policy? Certainly not.
Bringing in a woman to appeal to Hillary's crowd might have worked if only it had not been this gun-toting NRA creationist pitbull with lipstick who advocates the death penalty and wants to outlaw abortion and gays. But McCain's choice of Ms. Palin provides Hillary with a golden opportunity for the next six weeks to rally her voters and lay the groundwork for her 2012 campaign.

[missette]

Thank you , thank you Mr. Ridley for this. Please make sure all those who claims to be journalists at the major networks and cable TV receive a copy of your insightful and accurate depiction of the media frenzy surrounding Palin. The media's constant iteration of the Republicans' talking point that we don't know Obama and the constant quest to seek more more more from him has now reached the stage of being voyeuristic. Your observations cannot stop here, however. It's vitally important that the mainstream media be held accountable for this gaping disparity in coverage.

[TMacChicago]

Senor,
Thanks for a perspective that was sorely lacking as the commentators across the spectrum tripped over themselves as they paid homage to Sarah Palin for reading a speech. She is white, female, phenomenally mediocre, and enormously unqualified. One of my hopes is that clusters of Obama supporters show up at every one of her scripted campaign stops to see how she does when she is no longer reading from the script orchestrated by Karl Rove and the other uncompromising voices of the McCain campaign for "More of the Same."

[Shellly]

This is so true on every point. Michelle Obama, who isn't running for office had to go on a media blitz to soften her image.

Sarah palin describes herself as a 'pitbull' and Michelle is the angry black woman.

Sarah you can't hide forever. Your tabloid lifestyle will catch up to you.

[iluvsam]

Awesome.

[Heidiho610]

This post brought tears to my eyes. I just don't understand why people can't see this?

[Rictracee]

JOHN. your spot on.. the double standards, contradictions in this election and with the media is awful.. Barack has been beat up and persecuted for every little thing since he's been running for president.. Along come this white chick from Alaska with more scandals and lies in her past she somehow is the second coming of christ. God help this nation

[GhostOfSchlesinger]

REGARDING PALIN BLACKOUT . . .

Thousands of people are TODAY emailing news outlets (reporters, editors, management) to demand a press-led PALIN coverage BLACKOUT until the Alaska Governor submits to the same press conferences and interviews to which every REAL candidate agrees.

This styrofoam Republican prop must either be "dragged back to some soundstage" and relegated to campaign obscurity or MEET THE AMERICAN PEOPLE VIA THE PRESS (FOX NEWS AND TALK RADIO DO NOT COUNT).

EMAIL THE PRESS TODAY. THEY ARE RECEIVING THOUSANDS OF EMAILS DEMANDING A PALIN BLACKOUT! WE MUST FORCE THE REPUBLICANS TO REVEAL THE FARCE OF PALIN'S CANDIDACY VIA . . . PALIN.

[indypete]

Every line was right out of the republican manual!

[Margij]

Thanks, I sent this article to everyone in my contacts, everybody should pass it on.

[memcs]

I love you, John Ridley!!