Your Pocket Guide to Speaking Palin-guage (Vol. 1)

Up in the Twin Cities area folks are speaking a new language. Or, should I say Palinguage. It sounds sorta familiar because it's Latin based. But different from the plain English we're used to speaking, in Palinguage recognizable words take on new meanings. Won't you take a moment to learn some Plainguage so you can talk like a hypocritical conservative?

REPEAT THE FOLLOWING:

If you're a minority and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "token hire." If you're a conservative and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "game changer."

If you live in an Urban area and you get a girl pregnant you're a "baby daddy." If you're the same in Alaska you're a "teen father." (Actually, according to your own MySpace page you're an F'n redneck that don't want any kids, but that's too long a phrase for the evil liberal media to take out of context and flog morning noon and night).

Black teen pregnancies? A "crisis" in black America. White teen pregnancies? A "blessed event."

If you grow up in Hawaii you're "exotic." Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you're the quintessential "American story."

Similarly, if you name you kid Barack you're "unpatriotic." Name your kid Track, you're "colorful."

If you're a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual you're "reckless." A Republican who doesn't fully vet is a "maverick."

If you say that for the "first time in my adult lifetime I'm really proud of my country" it makes you "unfit" to be First Lady. If you are a registered member of a fringe political group that advocates secession that makes you "First Dude."

A DUI from twenty years ago is "old news." A speech given without proper citation from twenty years ago is "relevant information."

And, finally, if you're a man and you decide to run for office despite your wife's recurrence of cancer you're a "questionable spouse." If you're a woman and you decide to run for office despite having five kids including a newborn... Well, we don't know what that is 'cause THAT'S NOT A FAIR QUESTION TO ASK.

Got some Palinguage? They're keeping tabs here.

Comments

[deeppeace]

I love it! As always, you cut to the quick, John.

Now it's everyone's responsibility to get this out to undecided voters!

[jqcitizen]

I find it interesting that Gov. Palin would think it important to remind us that her husband is a member of the Steel Workers Union.

State Troopers, in Alaska, are Union members also. Monigan, her Commissioner of Public Safety and former Anchorage Police Chief, had no authority to fire any State Trooper.

She has the authority to terminate her Commissioners, but not even she has authority to fire a State Trooper. If that were the case then it looks like she fired the wrong cop.

[cassidynj]

Excellent Palin-tology!

And, if you speak to crowds with "Hottest VP Ever" buttons, it's affirming of women. all those who say that are sexists.

I think the litmus test involves whether you believe there are still Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. If you agree there are, you are a fully vetted Republican party plan acolyte.

[OhMyOhMy]

This is the way Republicans have done it and the Press repeats it over and over again. You know? Much like the argument they used to lead to the war in Iraq.

[KarenMMinneapolis]

Perfect John absolutely spot on!

[Venee]

Standing ovation!!!­!!!!!!!!!!­!!!!!!!!! You hit the Nail on the head!!

[SlithyTove]

Nicely done!

This is the Republican version of the more general rules of declension (I am firm; you are stubborn; he is a pig-headed fool).

[Sumocat]

You forgot her stance on abortion. How can she be proud of the *choices* she and her daughter have made when she doesn't think anyone should have the right to choose? Sarah Palin: Proud of her choices, yet not proud to have the right to choose.

[HeevenSteven]

Bingo!

[eeVas]

now now now this can't be true, after all the media has a liberal bias. ;)

[ahornick]

For Part II -

Media references about family are just off limits.

When I bring my family on stage and fly in the hormone-managed, soon to experience shotgun wedding boyfriend/father for photo-ops, that's just celebrating my family.

[pragmatics101]

What hypocrisy! When the media asks questions RE her daughter’s pregnancy it’s a “private issue”. If it’s so darn private, why do we have endless photo ops of the boyfriend meeting John McCain and at the convention? Typical Republican twisting of reality…

[JulianJons]

Why the McCain family doesnt bring Bridget to the stage?! The only time I saw her, she was sitting on a seat at the convention. Perhaps they dont want her to ruin their photo Ops, you know it needs to be the right color.

[kickbutt]

I have to laugh. Why isn't the black community listening to your rant Mr. Ridley?

[blog4um]

The last time I checked you can't tell the nationality of anyone here!

The truth has no color.

[Ksisay]

The Black community has long known about John Ridley. By the way, Mr. Ridley, I'm a fan. Enjoyed your novel, "A Conversation with The Mann" as well as your film, "Undercover Brother" and was informed by your lecture at the Harlem Book Fair.

[mergina]

In short, the Republican Party is full of crap, and now that includes Moose Crap.

[radayoung61]

DURING HER SPEECH I GOT SO SCARED I DROVE TO MY POLLING PLACE TO WAIT IN LINE.

[ATL78]

Thanks for this post John! I am still fuming over last night's display. So here's the one I'm thinking of this morning...

If you're a Democrat giving inspiring speeches that call on us to become a community again and include details of your policies, it's "empty words".
If you're a Republican giving insulting speeches that poke fun at helping the community and center on scaring Americans into voting for you, it's OUTSTANDING.

[Jan2009]

Amen. More on why Sarah Palin is bad for the country, and even bad for McCain:
http://www.theweeklymeat.com