Your Pocket Guide to Speaking Palin-guage (Vol. 1)

Up in the Twin Cities area folks are speaking a new language. Or, should I say Palinguage. It sounds sorta familiar because it's Latin based. But different from the plain English we're used to speaking, in Palinguage recognizable words take on new meanings. Won't you take a moment to learn some Plainguage so you can talk like a hypocritical conservative?

REPEAT THE FOLLOWING:

If you're a minority and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "token hire." If you're a conservative and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "game changer."

If you live in an Urban area and you get a girl pregnant you're a "baby daddy." If you're the same in Alaska you're a "teen father." (Actually, according to your own MySpace page you're an F'n redneck that don't want any kids, but that's too long a phrase for the evil liberal media to take out of context and flog morning noon and night).

Black teen pregnancies? A "crisis" in black America. White teen pregnancies? A "blessed event."

If you grow up in Hawaii you're "exotic." Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you're the quintessential "American story."

Similarly, if you name you kid Barack you're "unpatriotic." Name your kid Track, you're "colorful."

If you're a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual you're "reckless." A Republican who doesn't fully vet is a "maverick."

If you say that for the "first time in my adult lifetime I'm really proud of my country" it makes you "unfit" to be First Lady. If you are a registered member of a fringe political group that advocates secession that makes you "First Dude."

A DUI from twenty years ago is "old news." A speech given without proper citation from twenty years ago is "relevant information."

And, finally, if you're a man and you decide to run for office despite your wife's recurrence of cancer you're a "questionable spouse." If you're a woman and you decide to run for office despite having five kids including a newborn... Well, we don't know what that is 'cause THAT'S NOT A FAIR QUESTION TO ASK.

Got some Palinguage? They're keeping tabs here.

Comments

[DryBrook]

You're argument was going quite well until the last paragraph. John Evans is unquestionably a "questionable spouse" now. While your paragraph wasn't intended to be about his admitted adultery, you walked right into it. Readers finish your article thinking, "Wait a minute. Woman having children + career = good; adultery = bad." Oops.

[Fenianheart]

Who is John evans?

[blondecuban]

The man is known as Barack Obama. We know what you're trying to do by calling him B. Hussein Obama. It's not working with anyone, but the people who choose to believe untruths and be racist.

[JustaVermonter]

Great post. Very humorous.

[XME]

YOU FORGOT ONE:

If you're a Republican woman and your experience belittled, it's sexism.

If your a Democratic African-American and your experience is belittled BY that woman, that's perfectly acceptable.

[neoprimordial]

Simply world class! Simply beautifully world class commentary. Thank you, Mr. Ridley.

[yoyoken1]

ditto

[mommamia526]

Great posting. However, ..yes, however, the last question was not a fair one to ask, because you do not ask a father of a newborn that question, John. Prayerwarrior Mom, *hockeypuck baracuda with lipstick*, has Todd to be the housemom. Unfortunately tonight he was off task, and the babies were taking over the care of the babies, complete with a new spit hairdo for the newest addition. Anyone see that? Funny as your post is, John, not so funny were all the damned lies told tonight by the holy crowd of the Republican Party. And did you see the panning of the crowd. They were having a holy good ol' time and jumping out of their seats with joy, especially Cindy. Someone, please, address the level of *grace* expressed by the speakers and the crowd. Did not know that spite, anger and hatred come from god. We are living in dangerous times, for sure. That said, Sarah is beautiful and she knows - as one talking head on the tube said - how to blend femininity and sweetness in just the right amount with nasty sarcasm and lies. Lots of language studies to be done on the speeches tonight. By the way, this is a real science. We had it in High School, more than sixty years ago, in Europe. they called it *language circles*. And you know about it too. Doctors speak differently than do economists, bankers, or handymen, and that is just one example.

[Mmmmmmissy]

In response to Mommamia, why do you ignore the other parts? It isn't just about her having a newborn that we ask the question about. She has a newborn with special needs and a young daughter who is pregnant. Both need a lot of her attention and support. I don't believe its a sexist question to be asking at all, and I think that if it were a father in the exact same position, people would still be asking the question.

[leftcoastliberal]

Democrats balance the budget and lower unemployment, they're tax and spend liberals. Republicans run record deficits and crash the housing market, they're fiscally responsible.

P.S. Through the primary and now the general election, Ridley has been consistently fair, insightful, and worth reading.

[RRonin]

One of the Republican's greatest strengths is how they take control of language and "own' words and phrases, like "patriot" "family values" "pro-life" etc.

[Herrington]

I'm making a bumper sticker. "got Palinguage?

[babyphat4u]

John Rdley :

Thanks for the post.bristolpalin is a poster girl for anti-abortion and teen pregnancy. Let it be some one blck, and she was toast Joy behar said the same thing Elizabeth Hasslebeck on the View this morning. Watch it.

She rally played down her daughter's pregnancy saying 'we have small problem just like any other family " when she probably raised hell in her house. I understand that the plan was to have her daughter married before she announced that she was running for VP, but Bristol wasn't having it.

If you didge the media's questions about your qualifications for VP, your a sexist, if you answer those same question and the media feels you are not qualififed, then the Media is racist??? Right. no wrong, Palinlanguage. palin is definatley a populist but she is NOT an INTELLECTUAL.

[ptamama]

I love you! Is there any way that you can get on TV and give us all a mini-course-- I think that dems would appreciate it... this might help us digest the hypocrisy we have had to endure a little better. (pass the tums...)

[swift goat pet for truth]

Sounds like Corporate Media to me.

Its OK if you are a Republican.

[greenlawyer]

These people are SUCH hypocrites.
They say the judgments Palin makes in her personal life have no bearing on her judgments in public life.
WHAT???
Aren’t these the same people who first went after Bill Clinton for the actions of his personal life; and THEY made it a public issue?

[Tracy Saunders - Huffpost Blogger]

John, Thank you for the injection of humor. FANTASTIC post.

http://beyondthepretty.wordpress.com/

[amoment]

I don't think John was being humorous in his post. As a woman of color, I only saw truth.

[NYHawk]

I didn't see any humor in John's post either. He hit the nail on the head in an ingenious, very clever, simple and easy-to-understand way. Can't wait for Part II.

[dadumdee]

Excellent post. These are some bad days. This detechment from reality among our Republican brethren is stressing me out. The only thing keeping my sane is watching Republicans struggle to hold the vomit down to force out the talking points as instructed and watching the usually robotically on message Republicans get caught off guard (Kay Bailey Hutchinson) or off the record (Peggy Noonan).

[Dynamohum]

I keep wondering if the hot mic off the record tape was a planned Republican tactic to breathe more life into the attacks on liberals, bloggers and media for the outrage of questioning and analyzing the events happening before our eyes. It started with comments about Bristol and discussions of morality and motherhood to which the Republicans shouted "Those horrible liberals, bloggers and media, how dare they attack that child." Then the republican pundits mike murphy and peggy noonon seemingly laughing, denigrating and belittling the McCain campaign and the lack of vetting.

Then they sit back and watch the blogosphere go wild, and point the finger of blame this direction again. Peggy Noonan's post after that incident would suggest that this could really be a viable possibility. Strategy is key in hardball politics. Dispicable if you ask me.

[Mickey7]

I think you just put into words exactly why I have found the far right so offensive for so many years. It's one thing to say "heartless hypocrites, " but another to have it spelled out so clearly. I agree--this needs wide distribution.

[babyphat4u]

They are so far to the right , they are so wrong. I hope thsoe small town people forgive Obama for that and vote for the issues. Palinlanguage suggests she is a fear mongerer, same loe'politics as usua, that's not change, that more of the same.
I cant wait until she debates J.Biden He will not bite his tongue, see he doesnt script from a teleprompter, the teleprompter is in his head.