Your Pocket Guide to Speaking Palin-guage (Vol. 1)
Up in the Twin Cities area folks are speaking a new language. Or, should I say Palinguage. It sounds sorta familiar because it's Latin based. But different from the plain English we're used to speaking, in Palinguage recognizable words take on new meanings. Won't you take a moment to learn some Plainguage so you can talk like a hypocritical conservative?
REPEAT THE FOLLOWING:
If you're a minority and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "token hire." If you're a conservative and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "game changer."
If you live in an Urban area and you get a girl pregnant you're a "baby daddy." If you're the same in Alaska you're a "teen father." (Actually, according to your own MySpace page you're an F'n redneck that don't want any kids, but that's too long a phrase for the evil liberal media to take out of context and flog morning noon and night).
Black teen pregnancies? A "crisis" in black America. White teen pregnancies? A "blessed event."
If you grow up in Hawaii you're "exotic." Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you're the quintessential "American story."
Similarly, if you name you kid Barack you're "unpatriotic." Name your kid Track, you're "colorful."
If you're a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual you're "reckless." A Republican who doesn't fully vet is a "maverick."
If you say that for the "first time in my adult lifetime I'm really proud of my country" it makes you "unfit" to be First Lady. If you are a registered member of a fringe political group that advocates secession that makes you "First Dude."
A DUI from twenty years ago is "old news." A speech given without proper citation from twenty years ago is "relevant information."
And, finally, if you're a man and you decide to run for office despite your wife's recurrence of cancer you're a "questionable spouse." If you're a woman and you decide to run for office despite having five kids including a newborn... Well, we don't know what that is 'cause THAT'S NOT A FAIR QUESTION TO ASK.
Got some Palinguage? They're keeping tabs here.
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Nice work!
If you're 18, white, and get a 16 year old girl pregnant... "Life happens!" But if you're 18, black, and impregnate a 16 year old, you're a registered sex offender.
LOL...real loud!
Brilliant. Oh god, one of the best writings this past week on the whole debacle.
Mr. Ridley Excellent Post! You covered every major area too!! I'm going to have to send this one out.
English isn't Latin-based, as I think you imply. The article was good, though.
i would like to second this. english is a germanic language and not a latin based romance language like french/spanish/italian/portugese. english of course does have very many words and phrases that are of latin language based origin but to be entirely correct it is not a romance langauge.
English is primarily German based, yes, but it is really a hybrid of Germanic and Romantic languages. England was invaded and conquered by French-speaking peoples (Normans) in 1066, hence the marriage of Old English (Germanic) with French (Romantic/Latin). The spread of the Latin words was far and wide--the word "czar" comes from the word "Caesar," for example. By the way, I am a redneck. Thank you.
If you're the biggest fish in a small political pond, you magically become the biggest, wisest, most experienced creature in the entire political ocean.
The more I learn about Palin, I am convinced she is not a Republican. Her politics are more in line with the Alaskan Independent Party of which her husband was a member.
Somebody help me. If you live and are a Govenor of a state that borders on Russia and Canada you have foreign policy experience. I spent some time in Brazil working with the Government to promote wheelchair sports. I also fell in love and had Biblical relations with a beautiful Brazilian woman. Does that make me an expert on foreign? On South America? Brazil boarders on the Atlantic Ocean; so, am I now an expert on sea life? I still can't speak a lick of Portuguses.
No, but it makes you an expert on hooking up with hot babes in exotic locations, which is a quality possessed by a great minority of the envious electorate. And if you'll just take the time to learn how to say "hello," goodbye," and "thank you" in Portuguese, (and approach the task with the go-for-it spirit of Sarah Palin learning U.S. foreign policy in the last three days), then, while you may not be qualified to be vice president, you will WIN!
Well stated Mr. Ridley, regarding the “doublespeak Palinguage.”
I am a white guy who grew up in the 1950s/60s when there were still white/black drinking fountains, restrooms, and balcony seats way in the back at the local New Isis Theater where young blacks watched white cowboy heroes and red Indian villains. My oh my, how times have changed.
John, you should add something about the religious double standard. If your black and your pastor rails against the United States of America, your a fundamentalist Muslim sympathizer. If your white and your pastor is a member of Jesus for Jews and preaches that the killing of Jews by Palestinians is a lesson to Jews that they must convert to Christianity, your a fundamentalist Christian.
Brilliant post. Right on the Money!
The Republicans have no sense of shame - the entire party has flip flopped on the experience issue. ............ How embarrassing .......
http://thefiresidepost.com/2008/09/03/republicans-have-no-shame/
I praise this article in the lower 48.
In Alaska you'd be fired.
:)
There is no justification for picking on a pregnant teenager to showcase the hypocrisy of the "family values" crowd. But, then again, there is no need: If John McCain prefers to avoid substantive issues -- knowing that there is no defense for the corrunption and incompetence of the past eight years -- there is always his lifelong womanizing, highlighted by his abandonment of his disabled wife and his adultery with a wealthy, if low class, rodeo queen/drug addict/drug thief.
I know there is a lot of bigotry in the U.S. - my father was horrible - but I never realized it was as bad as it is until this election. I am a real estate broker, I have an Obama sticker on my car, and I've actually had a couple of clients snicker when they've gotten in my car. One even said, "maybe you shouldn't have that on your car." I said, "it's called the First Amendment." Her husband shushed her. Then the other day, a friend of 20 years said to me, "I don't know if I can vote for a black man." I said, "WHY DO YOU CARE?!?!?!?" I'm so sick of stupid, ignorant people, I could scream. When people say they are leaving the U.S. if Obama doesn't win, I completely understand. It's not the thought of their candidate losing - it's the realization that Americans are so effing stupid that has them disgusted!
Terrific column, John. Thank you again.
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