Your Pocket Guide to Speaking Palin-guage (Vol. 1)

Up in the Twin Cities area folks are speaking a new language. Or, should I say Palinguage. It sounds sorta familiar because it's Latin based. But different from the plain English we're used to speaking, in Palinguage recognizable words take on new meanings. Won't you take a moment to learn some Plainguage so you can talk like a hypocritical conservative?

REPEAT THE FOLLOWING:

If you're a minority and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "token hire." If you're a conservative and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "game changer."

If you live in an Urban area and you get a girl pregnant you're a "baby daddy." If you're the same in Alaska you're a "teen father." (Actually, according to your own MySpace page you're an F'n redneck that don't want any kids, but that's too long a phrase for the evil liberal media to take out of context and flog morning noon and night).

Black teen pregnancies? A "crisis" in black America. White teen pregnancies? A "blessed event."

If you grow up in Hawaii you're "exotic." Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you're the quintessential "American story."

Similarly, if you name you kid Barack you're "unpatriotic." Name your kid Track, you're "colorful."

If you're a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual you're "reckless." A Republican who doesn't fully vet is a "maverick."

If you say that for the "first time in my adult lifetime I'm really proud of my country" it makes you "unfit" to be First Lady. If you are a registered member of a fringe political group that advocates secession that makes you "First Dude."

A DUI from twenty years ago is "old news." A speech given without proper citation from twenty years ago is "relevant information."

And, finally, if you're a man and you decide to run for office despite your wife's recurrence of cancer you're a "questionable spouse." If you're a woman and you decide to run for office despite having five kids including a newborn... Well, we don't know what that is 'cause THAT'S NOT A FAIR QUESTION TO ASK.

Got some Palinguage? They're keeping tabs here.

Comments

[Moka11]

Brilliant, Mr Ridley!

[TarHeelMommy]

Excellent and oh-so-true!

[Barbwire]

The Republicans seem to have taken over the language. They come up with a buzz word or phrase, and all the bobble-heads say, "Yup,yup,yup." They don't seem to actually think about anything--or maybe the rank and file simply can't think. It's very scary that these puppets with their puppet masters have so much say in the running of our country. Witness the current disaster in the executive branch.

[Anthony712]

Sounds like John McCain is adopting George W. Bush tactics before his potential term has even began.

[sonshine]

I am so ashamed of this entire process. I know after they finish their convention, right thinking Republicans will put a stop to all of this. We are so above this as Americans.

[sleek]

Too bad they are no more "right thinking Republicans" left in America. Absolute Religion corrupts Republicans absolutely.

[dtd]

Finally somoeone laid it out there. The hypocrisy from the GOP and the MSM is astounding. Thank you, John!

[JudgeCCrater]

Guess we'll have to add another one comparing Clinton's indiscretions to Palin's:
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/the-trail/2008/09/03/mccain_aide_rips_tabloid_repor.html

[nswfm]

She was for earmarks before she was against them, too, don't forget:
http://www.washingtonindependent.com/4114/wasilla-lets-hire-a-lobbyist-to-get-weapons-etc?disqus_reply=2071403#comment-2071403

[TXpastafarian]

AWESOME BLOG. SERIOUSLY.

[MJJBunny]

Brilliant comparisons! Thank you for presenting it to us. But please spread the word further than just to us. This is a winner and needs to be read or heard far and wide.

[BabsfromKansas]

Excellent post - thank you!

[littlepuffycloud]

Thank you for saying this out loud!! Our family went through the same list you did and we're glad to know we're not INSANE!

[dutchgirl55]

You go. Brilliant post...or in Palinguage, "unfair criticism".

[DoTheMath]

Thank you, Mr. Ridley. I was getting very confused. This helps a lot.

[ricehq]

I understand that Palin can speak in "tongues".