"Have you written/composed something thoughtful in response to those Phelps people?" I read in a stranger's email to me last week. "They are what I picture when I think of religious people."
I immediately responded: "Fred Phelps is an inbred media monger whose 'church' is no one but his idiot family. Confusing him with religious people is like confusing Mother Theresa with someone who sells children into prostitution. Remember: All the thoughtful, sane, rational, normal Christians are in church. It's all the the crazy ones who are on TV."
And I was surprised to receive in return this heartbreaking email:
Dear John,Thanks for your reply.
Some background: I was raised in a Southern Baptist household, in a small rural town in Pennsylvania. As a gay youth, I was ostracized from just about every social venue. And not just ostracized, but persecuted. I became the subject of ridicule, and of verbal and physical abuse, from the school yard to my home life -- including from my immediate family.
There are many things a human can tolerate, but when your immediate family, your support system, pulls the rug out from under you, it is so much more than a feeling of being punched in the gut. You cannot imagine the overwhelming sense of loss and pain, and then inward hatred, that this creates. I recall as a child of thirteen crying hysterically, and asking god "Why did you make me this way? Why did you give me this life? Why would you create something only to see it tortured and destroyed?" This kind of pressure can only be tolerated by an individual for so long before something gives, either externally or internally.
I believe I could have handled the incessant harassment at school, as long as I had a supportive family who loved me. But when you are raised in the Southern Baptist tradition, there is no greater abomination than what I was: a homosexual. I will never forget my father's words, "No son of mine is gay." I recall my mother's apathy, which was even more painful, her unwillingness to challenge this sentiment. I recall my brother's assertion, "You should just kill yourself." And my older sister seemingly clueless.
When this happens to someone so young, when they are being developed, it is so much more than mere bullying. It is an emotional, spiritual, all encompassing rape that leaves the victim with a perverse and distorted view of oneself and the world in general. All of this was done in the name of religion or what the Bible says. I was taken to a christian counselor, who was supposedly able to condition the abomination of homosexuality out of me. My parents took me to the Pastor of Open Door Church (what irony), who told me I could expect to burn eternally in a lake of fire, forever and ever.
You cannot imagine how this experience has shaped every aspect of my life, for better and for worse.
I realize it is not your place to argue or correct the many evils that come from those who profess to be Christians. I know it is not fair to ask all the thoughtful, sane, rational, normal Christians who are in church to step outside of their congregations and actually apply what they profess to believe in. I would never expect that, any more than I would expect sensible Muslims to step outside of their mosques and argue against the vitriol spewed from their extreme equivalent.
The point: I think what you are doing is important. I hope you continue your writing and exploration of these issues. Your "Smith Family Chronicles" [see here] created such feelings for me, a reliving of something exquisitely painful. While I have strong reservations about god, and Christianity (can you blame me?), there was some small quark inside me that somehow refused to be destroyed, some small seed that has been gathering evidence in all of my years on the planet. And although I may never meet you, or see your face, I am thankful that you exist. It is so important that there are voices of sanity and truth out there, voices that reach out to all those who are suffering. There is one thing I know, in my heart of hearts, that we humans are on this planet to learn from one another and love one another.
Thanks and I wish you continued success in your writing and creative endeavors.
A little while ago someone wrote to ask me why I'm so interested in the "gay issue." I replied that my primary interest isn't in "the gay issue." My primary interest is in the abuse of power.
Look how this guy was treated by his family. Look how he was treated at school. Look how he was treated by his church.
With what shameless ease does malevolent power adorn itself with the rosy mantle of piousness.
Christianity has institutionalized the most base, cruel kind of bigotry. It did it with slaves. It did it with women. It's doing it with gays.
Will we ever run out of fools pleased to confuse the purity of their own hateful fear with the purity of Jesus' love for all of God's children?
Join me in praying to God that we do.
John also blogs on JohnShore.com. Join/like his Facebook fan page.
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Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church: In Their Own Words
You know what? Never mind. I'm tired of arguing with people like you. The poet Dame Edith Sitwell said it best, "I am patient with stupidity, but not with those who are proud of it."
You have a Bible where your heart should be--and they're both cold and dead.
http://www.narth.com/docs/whitehead2.html
Extensive review of the human genome for more than ten years finds no evidence for homosexuality in the genes.Statistical data for the destructive homosexual lifestyle is extensive and irrefutable with gay men living an average of 42 years and lesbians to 45 years [you actually live longer as a daily cigarette smoker than a homosexual].
http://www.traditionalvalues.org/pdf_files/statistics_on_homosexual_lifestyle.pdf
The American Psychological Association changed its position in recent years from homosexuality as a biological function to a more ambiguous position of possibly biological and nurture in development because the science doesn't support biology. The APA now supports therapists offering transitional treatments from LGBT to heterosexual orientation. http://www.narth.com/docs/deemphasizes.html
Finally, I don't hate LGBTs nor do I preach hatred of them. I will gladly share a meal, watch a game, or sit and have a conversation with them. My refusal to accept their lifestyle [or any other sexually unbiblical lifestyle] as normative or healthy does not preclude the opportunity for friendship.
I think what really gets to me is that I have zero understanding of what goes through these families' collective minds, I couldn't imagine taking away my support for a family member under any circumstance.
I think one reason you see a lot of LGBT Pagans who were raised under just those conditions here trying to turn around and point that *out* is cause we're *not* in a position of begging for some God to 'love us anyway,' there's no 'anyway' about it, with our Goddess/Gods.
They were with me *though it all,* when I was a kid, (And I didn't even think They were anything to do with that Church thing called 'religion,' at *all,* actually, but, Lady. I feel fortunate, to the point of survivor's guilt, sometimes.)
The people and teachings claiming to 'defend the family' by teaching families to scorn fear and reject their own kids over anything seemingly-*related* to sexuality, Are pervasive, and don't *protect* families, they *destroy* them.
This is something that's beyond top-down thinking, or pointing fingers and saying it all comes from the Phelpses or whoever's the most obviously-frenzied zealots, ....though surely much of it comes *from* not far from these types, the worst thing that *hurts* so many LGBT youth, to the point of suicide if not bullying-to-death or obvious abuse or other things that make the news, is not even these things: people can be amazingly tough, after all, but not so much when seemingly the whole *world,* even one's own family, is turned against one. Not just what Christians teach *LGBT kids,* but *everyone.* Actually being straight or even homophobic isn't much protection, either, it's got a lot to do with a terror of being treated *like* us. Of 'losing their families,' and 'parental rejection' as the Christian dogma claims to punish 'sin,' with or without additional tortures. Messes with people's heads.
Anyway, the typical reaction of most Christians is to say, 'Oh, you just hate us for our righteousness, etc, etc, and want to destroy us! (Daddy will be so angry!)' but don't take it for that. If we wished you ill, we wouldn't be telling you how to fix what *is* destroying your religion. And hurting people.
As Paganism grows and develops, fewer of us proportionally, are going to *know how that works from the inside,* Gods grant. I'd take the opportunity to listen now.
You are among a small(ish, but growing) group of Christians who stand against everything from the narrow extremes of Phelp's hateful brand of "christianity" to the broader, less obviously troll-like masses whose version of Christianity leads them to say things like "Well, God must've needed another angel" at the death of my child. Just plain stupid and not even theologically sound. It's not hateful, but it's not helpful, and it's all too common.
So keep up the good fight, brother: we are not promised that we will "win". We may believe that every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord, but that's God's victory, not ours. On the contrary, we are only promised that we will survive as a remnant: a battered few, struggling against the odds. Persecuted, beleagured, challenged and outcast. Your "voice crying in the wilderness" is not falling entirely on deaf ears. It's keeping the remnant activated. Blessings to you.
"The gays." They must teach that phrase at Backwards Bible School, or something.
I won't join you because that would waste time better spent doing just about anything else (such as writing this comment.) I realize sentiments like this aren't always to be taken literally, but the problem is that it implies prayer has effect, when it doesn't. Rather than pray to God, talk to PEOPLE. That's what will turn the tide, not prayer, because prayer is nothing but a conversation with yourself and if you haven't already had that conversation about bigotry towards gay people, your call to prayer won't help.
Anyways, thanks for writing about this issue again. It is too easy to corral all the religious bigotry towards gay people and assign it to the hateful members of the Westboro Baptist Church, so that people can avoid acknowledging the far broader reality of religious bigotry today. We need look no further than the despicable role of the Mormon Church in California's Proposition 8 battle to see that there is much more to be done before this issue will finally become nothing more than a footnote in history books.
As a straight man, I have often wondered why I feel such a kinship for the gay community. I've never understood it. I've even found myself wishing that I could make myself be physically attracted to men, so that I could just take the proverbial plunge and be done with it.
It never made sense to me until I read this letter. Now I get it.
I grew up in a fundamentalist evangelical family. My Dad was a minister, and as early as i can remember, he was grooming me to take his place. But I made a mistake: I started to question. I'm not even saying I doubted. I just wanted to understand better, the things that didn't make sense to me.
Imediately, my relationship with my family changed. Suddenly, every time I was accused of doing something "wrong", I was presumed guilty, whether I was or not. They constantly beraded me for my lack of faith, and warned me that my lack of commitment to the "truth" could condemn me.
When my Aunt Tina came out when I was 19, and the whole family cast her out like a lepper, I stood by her, and my rejection was complete.
What I delt with was far less than what many religious gay kids deal with, but the long-term damage is similar, I think.
I just wanted to say, thanks.
You don't have to be LGBT to be one of us.
Best to you.
http://johnshore.com/2009/04/29/the-confusing-power-of-the-devout-gay-christian/
When my parents found out I was gay, I was 16. They gave me 100 dollars and my backpack and showed me the door, instructing me never to return. I have not heard from a single family member in over 25 years. They left me abandoned, homeless and rejected. And still do to this day.
While a homeless teen, I met many other teens on the streets with the same situation as me and my family. Many strung out on drugs and wounded as deeply as any human being can be. It changed my life, witnessing that. And I knew somewhere inside of myself that if I went down that road, I would die. It was a choice. A choice I actually pondered and made. But who knows had one event played out differently, I may have made a bad choice. I guess I am rambling a bit, but sharing this story opens some boxes that I only allow myself brief, private, and infrequent peeks into.
Yet, in all this. Through all the pain that any gay person can testify to. Through all of the violence we face. We can still love. That can not be taken. It's the only evidence of God I have ever witnessed on this planet.