I've decided to unclassify myself as a stay home dad. I've grown tired of the label -- in fact I've grown tired of labels all together. I've been at the job for a little over a year and a half and I can honestly say that the term Stay at Home Dad just bugs me.
Why do I have to be labeled as such when someone asks what I do for a living? I am first and foremost a dad, and everything else is none of your business. If you see me with my kids anywhere at any time of day, don't assume that I have taken the day off to spend time with them. Look at me as a father who is enjoying being with two of the people he cares about the most. Why we are at the park or grocery store together should be of no concern to you. I am a dad and that's it.
Why does a mom that works have to be labeled a working mom? You don't see dads who are announced as working dads. Can we all just please get over this? My wife works -- works her ass off really, probably one of the hardest working people that I have ever seen. She is not a working mom, she is a mom who happens to work. Just like there are dads that work. But for some reason we look at my wife and label her a working mom, as if that is some sort of bad thing.
Are we any less of a parent with these labels attached to us? I would think not. Regardless of what you do, you only want what is best for your kids. What role each of you plays in your family shouldn't matter to anyone else but yours.
So from now on, if you see me at the store or my wife getting on the bus to go into the city, instead of labeling us as a stay at home dad and working mom, just look at us as PARENTS doing what they know is right for their kids.
This post originally appeared on http://daddysincharge.com
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We see this in very concrete and specific ways when it comes to adequate funding of public education, funding for after school programs, safe transportation of children to and from school (too expensive to mandate safety belts), funding for pre-k, limited regulations of day care and certification of day care providers/employees, and other programs that directly impact the lives of children. Perhaps the most obvious and vulgar reflection of the disregard for the lives of children are the limited sentences that are imposed upon those who abuse and assault children. The fact that individuals who harm children ever see the light of day and are returned to society is perhaps the most vulgar example.
I look at the stay at home parent issue gender neutral as both experience many of the same difficulties and prejudices especially in the employment arena. Although men do experience increased challenges because society at large does not look as fondly upon men and their contributions as primary care givers as some believe esp. men who are new to the role.
I always hated the Stay-at-home-dad acronym - SAhD - I'm not sad! There not enough money in the universe that I'd trade away the experience of raising my sons.
The double standards and hypocrisy that men face in such a role can not be overlooked and/or denied. I began my time in these roles long before it was more common place and had no expectations of how it would evolve. What I experienced came at a big surprise. It is too bad that men who take on this role are treated as they are and looked upon as they are but they are and believing that trying to step out of the label will change it is avoiding the reality of the situation.
I took a lot of pride in what I did but that did not change the way my time and contributions were looked upon by others. I have found from years of experience that accepting the reality of how men are viewed in such positions in the family/marriage is necessary to minimize the impact of how society at large looks upon men who care for their children while their wives earn income.