Gay Iowans: We Never Were Ironic

It's certainly a funny day to be a gay Iowan. When you leave the Midwest, you'd better be prepared to renounce your allegiance to your home state, especially when you become a New Yorker, as I did about four years ago.

City folk like to imagine Iowans all live on farms; that we subsist on pork, corn, and soybeans; that our "cities" deserve quotation marks; that we have no bookstores, vegetarians, or food coops to speak of. The first question a New Yorker may ask an Iowan transplant: Are you from Des Moines? Many New Yorkers think Iowans are fun: "That's why you have that sweet, innocent look about you," they say, leaving you to wonder whether you've just been paid a compliment.

It's no secret that I left Iowa not just because I like the big city, but also because there wasn't much of a community of gay folks in Iowa. But while I grew up feeling quite lonely and quite special, I was certainly never ostracized for my orientation. My coevals casually threw around "that's so gay," but as annoying and juvenile as that was, it was never directed at me.

That may just be the gift of the era I came out in: a time when Will and Grace was one of the most popular primetime shows and pilots such as Queer as Folk and The L Word started carving out an (admittedly facile) gay culture for those of us who couldn't access a thriving one. But I'm also inclined to believe -- at least today -- that Iowa is a lot more sophisticated than we "hoity-toity" city slickers are ready to give it credit for.

Iowans, it turns out, have a strong moral fiber and, apparently, enough balls to be the tide turner. Just because they're not donating money to the Human Rights Campaign or picketing the Latter-Day Saints or even hosting large gay pride parades (of course, there are Iowans who do all these things), that doesn't mean, by any means, that they don't have an opinion about the matter or that they don't have a loved one who's gay or lesbian. Indeed, if today showed anything, it was that New Yorkers and Californians value political progressiveness, and Iowans value family even more.

What does all this mean for the country? Former senior adviser to Bill Clinton on gay rights Richard Socarides said, "Unlike states on the coasts, there's nothing more American than Iowa. As they say during the presidential caucuses, 'As Iowa goes, so goes the nation.'"

I think it's asinine to claim that Iowa is any more American than New York or California, where gay marriage initiatives haves suffered serious setbacks, but there's indeed something to be said to all those metropolitan gays, lesbians, and allies who are looking at Iowa in surprise today, who have scoffed at and condescended to the Midwest.

For gay-rights activists and gay allies, I think this means we start reassessing who our allies are and we start taking them seriously, and perhaps New Yorkers and Californians can take cues from Iowans and make a case for what's right, fair, and Constitutionally imperative.

Comments

[PhilipB]

Thank you Jonathon Wilbur. I enjoyed your article.
Thank you Iowans!

[midknightryder13]

I used to live in Omaha -- which is as close as you can get to living in Iowa without actually doing it. When it came time for me and my then-partner to move to a larger place, I wanted to look at houses in Council Bluffs (right across the river), but we could not because his place of business had an Omaha residency requirement for their insurance policy.
Anyway, to make a long story short, I had to move from there about five years ago. I didn't want to, and would probably be living in CB right now were I still there.
Kudos to the SCOI.

[tgurlie]

I'm a proud Iowan who has supported gay marriage in our state and I'm proud that the day has come where such marriages are possible in my home state. I hope that the people judging our state because there are many loud, conservative bigots in the small towns making the rest of us look bad will reconsider their assumptions about this Midwestern state. Don't assume you understand the thoughts of Iowans simply because of a survey or you've heard that we're all a bunch of rednecks.

[spinstahbabe]

Iowa outlawed slavery years before the civil war and outlawed discrimination decades before the federal civil rights bill. We were also the first state to admit women to the bar. I imagine those decisions were by "activist" judges as well, but the populace caught up and the rulings stood. Iowans are pragmatists. Polls show a majority already support civil unions or ss marriage, and by the time this can come to the public for a vote on a constitutional ammendment (IF it passes two consecutive legislatures in 2010 and 2011--currently with Dems in the majority), people will see it for what it is: No big deal for straight people, a HUGE boon to our economy. The articles in the paper today are all about how much money and talent this is going to bring to the state.

[Tena]

O hai. My heart bleeds - you ought to be from Dallas, Texas. You think the Midwest gets abused?

And Dallas is an extremely gay-friendly city, by the way. Some surveys have it the 2d most gay-friendly city in the country which I believe. Our gay community here came out in the early 80s, almost en masse. And we are the home of the Turtle Creek Chorale. We came close to electing an openly gay mayor in the last election. Our country sheriff is openly lesbian.

But don't expect anyone else on earth to believe it - it's Dallas, after all.

;)

[David Cooke]

Ummm, wasn't it an Iowa COURT that voted in favor of marriage equality? Are Iowa citizens overall really much more supportive of marriage equality than California citizens? Isn't this author overreaching a bit with claims about Iowans based on a decision of of their state court?

[Johnathan Wilber - Huffpost Blogger]

I think that's a bit dismissive. After all, the judges' ruling was based very much on the Iowa Constitution, and that Constitution comes very much from the people of Iowa. This is also a constitution, unlike California's, that won't allow its citizens to simply vote the ruling down. As I say below, none of this exists in a vacuum. The "court" and the "people" are in many cases expressions of the same spirit.

[omahajim]

i am from western iowa. i grew up around zero minorities and a few gay men. in my 20s i moved to dallas and wound up living in the oak lawn district (a gay mecca) on accident. over the next few years, i discovered that almost all of the gay stereotypes are somewhat true.
regardless, i am proud of the iowa supreme court decision and that fact that it was unanimous leaves very little wiggle room for the red team to do anything but bitch and whine (like usual).
now it is time for california and new york to step up to the plate.

[shoefly]

One difference between the East Coast and West Coasts and the Midwest, is Farms. We have a lot of farm animals so we know Manure when we see it. The Anti-Gay Marriage Laws are just that, Manure.

[mishi]

Sure, the Iowa court did a great thing, but exactly how does it reflect one way or the other on the state as a whole? A recent poll found that Iowans were actually less likely to support marriage rights than the nation as whole. If the judges had been elected because of their stands on LGBT rights it would be one thing. As it is, it's kind of just a happenstance. A swell happenstance, but no reason to view Iowans either more or less positively. Let's see what happens from here out, shall we?

[Johnathan Wilber - Huffpost Blogger]

The courts are an arm of the people in my mind; they certainly don't exist in a vacuum. Even more important, the decision was hardly "happenstance." The six couples that brought the suit had been at it since 2005.

Also from MSNBC: "Iowa has a history of being in the forefront on social issues. It was among the first states to legalize interracial marriage and to allow married women to own property. It was also the first state to admit a woman to the bar to practice law and was a leader in school desegregation."

[BarryS]

Because the lawsuit was under the radar, the judges were able to decide it on the merits. Nothing more than that. The ruling speaks for itself. Unequal laws are illegal under the constitution. Everyone was so sure that the lawsuit would fail, that it was ignored by the press. When the judges had to give a legal opinion based upon the merits of the case, they did the obvious thing. Seperate but "equal" is not Equal. It is discrimination.

The California court should take notice, the New York court should be embarrassed. The Massachussetts court should be proud.

[thehuff]

SUPERB point !!

[carsntrucks]

Who is everyone, again? Not only did I know the Iowa state supreme court would be deciding this case this year, but I was fairly certain they would rule the way they did. Considering 5 out of the 7 Justices are liberal Democrats -- and from what I hear, dissent in these cases is rare -- I'm not surprised.

[LeftRight]

You're right, I've scoffed at IA, I've misunderestimated IA, and I'm VERY proud of my Iowan brothers and sisters to have the courage to bring it into the fold! However, let's be completely serious about Iowa, it's HARDLY a bastion of liberal thought, which is generally associated with recognizing civil rights to those who deserve them but don't yet have them!

[Un-aligned]

Ever been there? Know many Iowans?