Analyzing the Best Films of 2008 and "the Urinefactor"

I remember one-and-a-half hours into 2008's biggest hit and best film The Dark Knight, I had to go to the bathroom. After holding it for another 30 minutes, I pounded my fist on the stadium-seated armrest, and literally ran out of the IMAX screening. I wasn't alone.

Right behind me was another man who made his way to the mens' room (thankfully not the same stall). Our eyes met as I held the door for him, and for a fleeting moment, our eyes met again in the bathroom mirror. We both grinned, and he said very quickly "I really didn't want to leave." I agreed, and we hit our respective urinals. We proceeded to run back together into the darkness. I never saw him again, but got what he meant instantly. That raises a bigger question when analyzing the top films of 2008 (any year actually).

What makes a good movie? In my book, it comes down the "urine-factor." The bottomline? A great movie makes you hold it in until it hurts. A mediocre movie, on the other hand, you simply strut out of the theater and take care of business. If it's a bad movie, you welcome the rush to the bladder and don't even bother to ask the person you're with "what you missed." For clearer reference and to drive the point further... One might have little trouble leaving 2 Fast 2 Furious for a bit. The Bourne Ultimatum? Hell-to-the-no.

Yes, a great film, one of stellar writing, acting, and direction, makes you stay as long as you physically can. It's gross to point out, but you know you just did it during The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and that movie is two-days long. The following ten films are pain-worthy. They're worth fidgeting in your seat over, checking your watch, and praying for the end credits to come even though you never want the film to end.

The Dark Knight is not just the best Batman movie ever, but quite easily displaces X-Men 2 and the original Spider-Man in my book as personal favorite superhero movies. My sincere apologies to Stan Lee but Christopher Nolan's masterpiece will be remembered for years to come. It's not just because of Heath Ledger's much-publicized remarkable performance as the maniacal joker or the fact I held my water, the script was near-perfect, truly realized and the performances across the board (William Fichtner's cameo still registers for Christ's sake) were tip-top.

Christopher Nolan's direction was a tour de force, and tech specs -- notably the musical score which haunts me today -- were mint. I could go on, but won't because this was a stellar year for films that didn't feature stars in spandex. In some cases, it featured stars without anything on at all. Here's the rest of my top picks for 2008.

The Wrestler: This film, barely placing second to the Bat on my list, is a modern classic. Part "Rocky" (in reverse really) and part "On the Waterfront," it's a brutally-honest depiction of grapplers who give up their lives and their bodies each night for the roar of the crowd. Mickey Rourke deserves all the (good) press he's getting for the role - his best yet. I'm ignoring the bad press -- true or not -- because the man should be given his due.

Slumdog Millionare: Easily the most enjoyable film of the year. Sometimes buzz isn't a bad word. This film had it out of Toronto and audiences and critics there were right...it's wonderful. Director Danny Boyle deserves all the credit here.

Frost/Nixon: We all know what happened during the Frost/Nixon interviews, but Ron Howard's able to drive up the suspense factor anyway. Frank Langella will likely win the Oscar for Best Actor , and frankly deserves to if Rourke doesn't. The only disappointing thing about the film was that it had nothing to do with a Jack Frost/Cynthia Nixon smackdown. What a great holiday movie that would've been.

Gran Torino: In what would've been the best role written for Ed Asner in the 1980s, Clint Eastwood's portrayal of a Korean War veteran and racist old man taking on gangs with his guns and his mouth is arguably his finest ever. The film itself has some weaknesses, but Eastwood's solid direction and outstanding performance make you forget all about them.

Doubt: Easily the best ensemble of the year. From Philip Seymour Hoffman to Meryl Streep to Amy Adams to Viola Davis, the film is a powerhouse. The writing is sharp throughout, but the direction is a little off. Still, the actors hold it together and the pic really packs a punch. No diggity, no doubt.

Milk: Perhaps Sean Penn's best performance ever, but Josh Brolin's performance is what I walk away from most. Some day this guy is going to get the credit he deserves. James Franco also scores nicely here with his flawless acting and mustache fortitude.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Forrest Gump for this generation featuring fine performances across the board, awe-inspiring storytelling and direction. Even so, it's a movie you want to love wholeheartedly but really just end up liking a whole lot.

Iron Man: What two superhero movies in the top ten? Yes. It got totally upstaged by The Dark Knight, but this flick was almost just as satisfying. Robert Downey Jr. made for a very cool and refreshing leading man and everything just worked well -- everything but Jeff Bridges' head that is but why fault the film on a minor technicality?

Forgetting Sarah Marshall: I'm not afraid to put this on my list. It was easily the funniest movie of the year, made a star out of Jason Segel (and his member), brought back that loving muppet feeling, and provided British comedian Russell Brand with just about the only forum where he was incapable of annoying anybody.

Agree. Debate. Comment.

Comments

[3fingerbrown]

Reminds me of a story about Jack Warner, who had a notoriously weak bladder. Executives knew he didn't like the movie they were screening for him if he got up in the middle and went to the bathroom. Toward the end of his days at Warner Brothers, he was talked into making "Bonnie and Clyde"--a script he detested. When he saw the rough cut, Warren Beatty asked him what he thought of it. Warner said, "I thought it was awful--it was a three-piss picture!"

[rjmiller]

I am baffled at all of the press Viola Davis is getting for her role in Doubt. Sure she did a good job, but she was only in one scene.

[MindyM]

I think this article is funny and real. I made sure to keep running to the bathroom all through the endless trailers leading up to Dark Knight. I even stopped drinking the huge lemonade I got. No way was I going to miss one minute of this movie. I made it! It wasn't even as uncomfortable as it has been in the past. I was well prepared.

Thank goodness! I would not have wanted to miss even a second of this thrilling, intelligent, brilliantly crafted movie. I have never, ever like the comic book genre of movies. But this was different. For the first time I could see a real vision that was fully realized. There was no compromising on the dark, morose themes here. We were presented with the most basic of moral dilemmas, the ultimate battle between good and evil, yet there were no easy answers. After the movie, I was unsettled, disturbed, a bit on edge, but most of all more devasated than ever by the loss of Heath Ledger. His portrayal of the Joker was positively hypnotic. You couldn't take your eyes off him. I also fell under the spell of his wickedly funny, macabre humor.

I may see a few of the movies on your list. But I know that none of them will come close to Dark Knight.

[Javani]

For me, and I've seen many others do the same, it is the "look at wristwatch factor."

The only movie lately I have not glanced at my watch was "Quantum of Solace."

[andvoodoo2]

Saw "Doubt". It was fabulous. The 4 actors you named were all outstanding. Amy Adams, Streep and Viola Davis blew me away. PSH was his usual brilliant self but, I didn't see the role as pushing him to his fullest (no one's fault - it just wasn't his most challenging role).

LOVED "Benjamin Button"! I'm from New Orleans and live here still. Pitt called it "a love letter to New Orleans". I thought it was a very life affirming movie.

Will see "Milk", "Gran Torino" and "Slumdog" and, one you left out - ""Revolutionary Road".

I can't ever remember a time in all my 50 years when there were so many "must see" movies out there.

[Scott Mendelson - Huffpost Blogger]

First of all, thank you for acknowledging that Spider-Man is superior to the vastly over rated Spider-Man 2. Second of all, it's funny you mention The Dark Knight in said context. I saw Tim Burton's original Batman on the Saturday night of opening weekend back when I was nine. I realized I had to pee right when the opening credits began, and I held it for the full 123 minutes. Can't recall ever going that far for a movie before.

[Jon Chattman - Huffpost Blogger]

I totally agree - think original Spidey is underrated. I sadly once held it in for Peter Jackson's King Kong. Three hours? For that? Really.

[lwaxanatroi]

Word to the wise: don't get the extra-large soda.