THE BLOG
12/30/2013 02:57 pm ET Updated Mar 01, 2014

My Awesome New Year's Gift to the Universe: 'Pancacon'

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Who has time for both?

Where are you right now? Look around. Where are you? Are you reading this on your lap top at your desk in your home? Are you walking the streets and reading this on the HuffPost mobile app? Perhaps you're on the toilet reading on your tablet? Or, maybe you're married, but in bed with the person you're cheating with (bad idea, fyi) and reading this on the wi-fi equipped TV found in the motel by the hour you're currently laying prone in.

The reason I ask is because when something amazing happens, something that captures the imagination of the world -- people invariably remember where they were when they first heard the news. And since what I'm about to tell you will capture the imagination, the hearts and the minds of all creatures, great and small... mammal and aquatic beast alike -- it's the kind of thing you're going to remember for the rest of your life -- the kind of thing you're going to tell your kids about someday -- so, you're going to want to be someplace awesome -- or at the very least, not on the toilet or in the STD-infused bed of an airport Holiday Inn.

Ladies and gentlemen, today my wife invented The. Greatest. Breakfast. Ever. And this is not hyperbole. I'm not exaggerating. And when the invention is revealed to you in just a moment, you will know with 100 percent certainty that I am not a liar. And that my wife is a genius. Suck it, Stephen Hawking.

Allow me to explain.

Everyone loves breakfast, right? But, we're all so busy. And breakfast has so many wonderful food options, there just isn't time to eat everything you want. If you're like me, and I suspect you are, who has time for both pancakes AND bacon? Not me, for sure. That is, until this morning... when my genius of a wife invented: "Pancacon."

"Pancacon?"

Yup. "Pancacon."

What is "Pancacon," you ask?

"Pancacon" is only the most splendiferous, uber-awesome, scrupdillyiscious breakfast treat of all time. Bar none. So suck it, smoked apple sausage, your salad days high atop the breakfast totem are over. O. V. E. R.

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Amazing, right?

And now, here it is my New Year's gift to the universe. My wife's simple six-step recipe for "Pancacon."

1. Fry bacon.
2. Dip cooked bacon into pancake batter.
3. Place battered bacon back in skillet.
4. When the first side is done, cook the other side.
5. Remove from skillet.
6. Eat "Pancacon."

See? I'm not a liar. And when you tell the story of the day you first heard of "Pancacon" to your robot baby -- yup, that's coming in 2034 -- please don't forget to mention it was invented by the most splendiferous uber-awesome scrupdillyiscious woman, mother and wife to ever walk the surface of god's green earth.

You can see an album of photos that detail step by step the making of "Pancacon" HERE.

Finally, I'm in the process of copyrighting the word "Pancacon." So in the meantime, every time you say "Pancacon" please send five cents to your favorite charity.

Jon Hotchkiss is the creator of the new 6-hour TV series, This vs That.