Every life is a series of defining moments. Moments that shape and change us, and have a huge impact on our development and our choices. They aren't easy to recognise, when you're experiencing them. I wish they were. When you're living through these moments, they feel like another blur in a series of blurs that fly by hardly marked or commemorated.
But as you look back, through the lens of hindsight, it's easier to recognise the small twists and turns that shaped everything that you were, and are, and will be. Everything that you believe in. Everything that matters to you.
These moments are going to be unique and different for anyone. But for a lot of people, the wider features of those moments will be echoed in other lives. I know the moments that shaped and impacted me, the ones that were tough are going to resonate with one or two people. I know this because I'm not the only one who's been through them.
Some of them are positive. Some of them are negative. But that doesn't matter. It's not how those defining moments feel today, it's the way they felt that guided me yesterday.
The first time I was betrayed is up there. The time that I founded a company with a personal hero of mine, an entrepreneur and musician I looked up to. And he screwed me over. And I lost thousands of dollars. And I had to live hand to mouth and jump the barrier at a train station because I was so incredibly broke I could barely function.
The first time I had my heart broken. I was young and in love, and I was kind of an asshole - but I still didn't deserve to be treated that way. I still didn't deserve to find out that way. It shaped the way I viewed relationships, and it set me on a downward spiral that would take me years to get out of.
The first time I worked for a day's wage. It was the early 2000's, and I was just a kid - but it was a hugely important day. Learning the value of a solid day's work and the feeling that accompanies spending the cash you've earned yourself. McDonald's shaped me, and it taught me a number of incredible lessons about work and commitment that I've kept to this day.
The first time I drank too much and made an ass of myself. I think this is a rough one that so many people go through. There's no way to take back that first big, drunken fuck up. The key to getting over it was admitting to the people I embarrassed that it was nobody's fault but my own. That I chose to make a bad decision and it was a rough night.
The first time I took on investment and blew it. Someone trusted me. Someone trusted me with their money, believed in me thoroughly and truly thought that I could take a piece of software and make it work. I couldn't. I didn't. I over promised and under delivered and didn't have the experience or the instinct to become a winner.
The first time I realised that my Dad was abusive. It shook my core, recognising that myself and my family were the victims of abuse, that the terrible things I had been taught about myself and my identity were wrong. He was wrong. The things he did were wrong. The realisation gave me the courage to challenge other things I had believed by default, and step into my personality.
The first time I shut down a company.And then had to tell my employees that they wouldn't have a job. It was a moment where I had to come face to face with the impact that my failings could have on people who were relying on me, who needed a pay check to make ends meet.
The first time I started a website. I was opening up my eyes to the world of digital publishing and discovering the way it let me communicate with people from across the world who I could never have imagined feeling any kind of connection with. It was also the first time I built something tangible and had to find my way through it on my own.
The first time I logged onto the Internet. I was living in a country town, and I had no idea the web even existed. We were the first in that hole in the ground to have a connection, and it did open my eyes. One of the first things I did was log onto Amazon (still pretty new back then) and leave a review for my favourite book. I don't even remember what book it was, but I remember the feeling of excitement, knowing that someone else, someone unknown, someone - somewhere - would read my words.
Defining moments can be poignant, they can be inspiring, they can drag your mood down into the gutter. But they're important, all the same. It's the defining moments that will influence what kind of company you choose to start, what art you'll make, what book you'll write. Who you'll fall in love with, and why. Where you'll live, and when.
If you could recognise, while in the middle of them, every single defining moment of your life, it's possible you could learn a little more. Or appreciate them, for what they are. But that's not the way life works.
All you can do is let the moments come. Let them happen, let them influence, and try to learn as often as you can. Look back. Look back regularly. Like a ship coming in on the horizon, your defining moments may slowly become visible.