My Sarah Palin Obsession

My name is Jon, and I'm addicted to Sarah Palin.

I read everything I can about her. I watch TV, hoping Wolf Blitzer will say something about her. I get irritable waiting for the next Maureen Dowd column about her.

I've come to understand that this is not a bad habit, or a moral failing - it's a disease.

I hope I can help others who have the same problem. Here's how to tell if you have a Sarah Palin obsession:

--You refuse to throw away the cover stories about her in People, Us, Time and Newsweek.

-- you keep telling your wife, "Why is no one picking up that Washington Post story about her per diems?"

-- You set the Tivos both upstairs and downstairs to make sure you don't miss her Charles Gibson interview on ABC

-- You get up in the middle of the night to check RealClearPolitics.com for new poll results about her.

-- you yell at your kids for forgetting how her kids got their names -- that she named one after an athletic event (Track) and another after a snowmobile (Piper Indy).

If you have three or more of these signs, you need to get professional help. Remember that Sarah Palin obsession is an equal-opportunity disease that affects people at every level on the economic ladder.

There are treatment centers that specialize in addictions like this. When you check in, you will be searched for contraband -- they will find that page of the National Enquirer you have folded up inside your shoe, so don't bother trying.

Inside the treatment center, you will have to go cold turkey. Complete abstinence is the only real cure. Don't believe people who tell you about "controlled use" or "harm reduction." That means no Headline News, no pollster.com, and no Huffington Post.

And when you get out, you will need faith in a higher power.

Would that be Barack Obama?

Comments

[dhinds]

McCain got what he wanted: A Pom Pom Girl as his Master of Ceremonies; someone to introduce him to the public in those events he uses to promote the image he's built up over the years as a American War Hero.

For those that actually care about the issues, her performance as Governor leaves much to be desired in relation to the Environment and Alaska's Native American People, who have suffered her vetoing initiatives that support their right to subsistence hunting. Her support has favored industry and corporate tourism instead; making her highly unpopular with indigenous groups.

For Palin, Free Enterprise takes precedence over the preservation of Alaska's Quality of Life and the continued existence of Alaska's Endangered Species.

[krocklin]

Or an audition for American Idol.

[Scott Johnson - Huffpost Blogger]

The scary thought--or one of the scary thoughts (Governor Paliban inspires numerous scary thoughts, after all)...

is that apparently a good number of male voters like her, and might vote for the GOP ticket...because they think she's hot.

OMG.

As I'm a married man (and one who considers this to be entirely irrelevant), I won't comment one way or another on her physical attractiveness. But doesn't this remind you of the can't-get-a-date loser (most of us know at least one) who frequents strip clubs, thinking that because the dancers act interested while he's forking over the cash--they'll be interested in him after the bar closes?

Maybe we need a new commercial: "Voting for McCain/Palin will not get you laid..."

[laras1983]

Hello, I'm Lara, and I am an addict....only to print, though. Her harpy-like, shrill voice is like fingernails on a chalkboard, so I can't stand to listen to her.
As Matt Damon so eloquently put it, this whole fiasco is like a bad Disney movie.