Bush Appoints 60-Year-Old Virgin to Supreme Court

In an historic move, President Bush appointed 60-year-old virgin Harriet Miers to the nation's highest court. If confirmed, Miers would be the first virgin judge to serve since the 1864-1873 Chase Court which was composed almost entirely of virgins.

Many are speculating that the increasingly embattled Bush appointed Miers to shore up support from his base. With his approval rating falling below 40%, it is widely believed that most remaining Bush supporters are either virgins, born-again virgins, or evangelicals in sexless marriages.

UPDATE: Harriet Miers is claiming that she is not a virgin on her personal blog.