THE BLOG
05/16/2012 08:52 am ET Updated Jul 16, 2012

Waiting, Wishing and Blaming: How Is Fear Keeping YOU Stuck?

At the heart of my book, Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days, is fear and change. People fear change because they fear uncertainty and what they don't know. In fact, fear is the epicenter of all unhappiness. It's what lies behind every problem and is what keeps most people stuck. Change, though, is quite possible. Yet, to many, change is elusive. People stay stuck and they allow fear to get between them and what they truly want. They've been looking for a shortcut -- a way to get what they want without having to face their fears. I've seen countless clients who, prior to seeing me, had been stuck in a job that they weren't thrilled with but stayed in anyhow -- because they feared change. Or people who were in a relationship for years, and again, they weren't thrilled with it, but they stayed. Why? They feared what they didn't know. They feared change. Here are the most common ways people keep themselves stuck, either knowingly or unknowingly:

Waiting. Rather than being proactive and taking the initiative, people spend time hoping that the right person will magically walk into their life, that the job promotion will just materialize, or that their spouse will suddenly start behaving in a less-irritating way. If you wait for your dreams to unfold, they will remain dreams. If you take action, you'll turn your dreams into a reality.

Wishing. As a kid I closed my eyes and imagined I was Superman rescuing damsels in distress. It was great -- until I opened my eyes and realized I was still the same wimp I'd always been. Wishing for things doesn't create change. For that reason, I am not a fan of The Secret and the so-called Law of Attraction on which it is based. I can't tell you how many clients came to me after they wished and wished for better lives -- only to see their lives continually get worse. Countless women came to me talking about the failed methodologies of The Law of Attraction. For example, they'd cleaned out half their closet to make room for a man to appear in their lives, but it never happened. Or they slept on one side of their bed, in hopes of a man entering their life, yet it never happened. Stop wishing and start living with a practical and smart strategy that will actually help you reach your goals.

Blaming. Have you blamed others for your problems? Perhaps you've gotten angry at your boss, your significant other, or someone else for making your life miserable. By focusing on what you can't control rather than what you can, you will remain stuck. Instead, put your energy into all of the things you can control. You can control what you say and do. It's not as easy to control what other people say and do.

Waiting, wishing, and blaming will not lead you to the life you really want. What will? Taking action. The Be Fearless program can show you just how to do that!

PHOTO GALLERY
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BEFORE YOU GO
SLIDESHOW: Waitin', Wishin' and Blamin'
PHOTO GALLERY
SLIDESHOW: Waitin', Wishin' and Blamin'

For more by Jonathan Alpert, click here.

For more on becoming fearless, click here.