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Jonathan Bines
Jonathan Bines is a writer living in Brooklyn. Currently a staff writer at Jimmy Kimmel Live, he has written for numerous TV shows including The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, for which he was nominated for an Emmy Award. His writing has appeared in national publications including The New Republic, The New York Observer, and the Los Angeles Times. His first feature film, Today's Special, was released theatrically in 2010.

Entries by Jonathan Bines

Why I'm Spending $900 Million in 2016 -- And You Should Too

(17) Comments | Posted February 10, 2015 | 7:26 AM

As an American citizen, I believe that it is my responsibility to participate fully and actively in the democratic process and to stand up for the policies and values I believe in. That is why I have decided to spend $900 million on the 2016 election, and why I encourage...

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In Defense Of Science

(62) Comments | Posted October 16, 2014 | 7:19 PM

In human history, no practice has more profoundly advanced human understanding of the natural world than that of science. So it seems tragic, in the year 2014, that science should require a defense (by a comedy writer, no less). And yet, in both the national dialogue on issues such as...

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Top 20 David Brooks False Equivalencies of 2011

(154) Comments | Posted December 30, 2011 | 12:39 PM

As we all know, 2011 was a difficult year in Washington -- a year of gridlock, dysfunction and extremism. And, as we all also know, Democrats and Republicans are equally to blame. How do we know this? Because we have David Brooks, looking down upon the political scrum from his...

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How to Speak Republican

(624) Comments | Posted October 24, 2011 | 2:20 PM

Talking to a Republican can be frustrating. Often, it seems like they are speaking an entirely different language -- and in many cases, they are! For this reason, in the hopes of facilitating cross-party dialogue and mutual understanding, I have compiled what I believe to be the first comprehensive Republican-to-English...

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Start the Insanity

(30) Comments | Posted August 4, 2011 | 11:58 AM

In the wake of the Debt Ceiling Debacle of 2011, it has become abundantly clear that progressives must change tactics if they are to achieve their policy aims. No longer can we cling to the outmoded strategy of proposing policies we actually support, and pursuing these policies by means of...

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Psychoanalysis of a Republican

(24) Comments | Posted June 14, 2010 | 10:04 AM

Patient is a 66 year old Caucasian male, physically healthy, who presented at our initial consultation complaining of severe anxiety, insomnia, and panic attacks related to his belief that unnamed government officials were conspiring to form "death panels" with the intent of murdering not only patient, but patient's grandmother as...

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Black Comic Introduces McCain

(0) Comments | Posted September 14, 2008 | 2:01 PM

What up, RNC!


You white motherfuckers!


This conference so white, Helen Mirren tried to snort it!


Y'all the whitest white people in the history of white people. Even Barbara Bush sitting here right now going: 'These are some white motherfuckers.'


You're so white, your vice presidential...

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An Inconvenient Question?

(58) Comments | Posted December 20, 2007 | 3:07 PM

It's 1964. You are a 25-year old pack-a-day smoker (OK, maybe a pack-and-a-half, depending on the day). You started in your teens, and never gave the habit much thought. Smoking makes you feel more alert and focused; it gives you confidence, helps you stay slim, and if you don't say...

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