Beyond the Boardroom: My Thoughts on Fatherhood

Last Thursday was another day of heavy rain in New York City. Flashflood warnings remained in effect during a month of record-breaking rainfall most New Yorkers could do without. But despite the downpour, I found my way to an unusual and extraordinary bright spot--not a break in the clouds -- but a midtown Manhattan celebration of fatherhood. Yes, fatherhood.

The National Father's Day Committee honored six men at its annual "Father of the Year" Awards at the Sheraton New York Hotel. As an award recipient myself this year, I was flattered to be in exceptional company -- Coach Michael Krzyzewski, General David Petraeus, George Stephanopoulos, Al Unser Sr., and Ronald Wurtzburger. We were honored for exemplifying "the characteristics of not only great fathers but as great role models for children and parents across the country." (When I first told my kids about this recognition they jokingly asked why they didn't get a vote.) Some of our award predecessors include Senator Robert F. Kennedy, President Ronald Reagan, Generals Douglas MacArthur, Colin Powell, and sports legends George Foreman and Dwyane Wade. August company to say the least.

As I prepared to deliver my remarks to the packed ballroom, I thought of how I came to be in the company of these outstanding men and what fatherhood truly means. I reflected mostly on my own father and the invaluable lessons he taught me. Preston Robert "Bob" Tisch was a Brooklyn-born man who grew to be one of the most successful men in New York City, if not the country. But to me, my dad's success was not based on the boardroom or balance sheet -- it was measured by who he was as a father, citizen and person.

Building Loews Hotels and Loews Corp. with his brother, I often noticed that my father was as kind to Frank the Doorman as he was to Frank Sinatra. My father looked people in the eye and said thank you. He treated people, regardless of their station in life, with dignity and respect. He could walk into any room and instantly make people feel warm and at home.

My personal reflections of being a son to a great man were amplified beyond my expectations when I entered an electrified ballroom with hundreds of people awaiting the awards ceremony's commencement. Each honoree was reflective and humbled to be a son, father, and husband, and together, the group regaled the attendees with countless stories of humor and inspiration.

George Stephanopoulos entertained the crowd explaining how his 6-year-old and 4-year-old daughters' shrieks ruined his normally quiet live weekly radio show that he does from home as the two girls battled over a stuffed yellow duck. (ABC News will be relieved to know George plans to do his radio show from the office in the wake of the screaming duck incident.)

Coach K, who, after winning 3 national basketball championships for Duke University and 2 Olympic Gold Medals with the United States Men's Basketball Team, remarked that "today was the day [he] received his greatest award." He said no title means more to him than the one his three daughters call him, "Daddy."

And then there was the All Star Dad Award. It went to a man whose son was left in a wheelchair after a swimming accident in his junior year of high school. With severe physical limitations and insurance that wouldn't cover his needs, his son's opportunity to go away to college would seem to be out of reach. But instead, Rob Wunder chose to retire from his job and now lives with his son in a 15x15 dorm room, turning his son every 2 hours throughout the night to prevent bed sores, getting him ready for and taking him to classes, and helping in so many other ways. When accepting his award for his valiant efforts, Rob seemed befuddled, and simply said, "He's my son," as if he was not doing anything unexpected of a father.

For me, the evidence of my own dad's legacy was in the room. In fact, it literally was the room. Where I was sitting, the Sheraton New York Hotel, was once the Americana, a hotel my father and uncle built in 1963 and where I had my first paying job in the hotel business. But Bob Tisch built more than hotels; he helped build up people, enabling them to be better for themselves and for their families.

As I child I learned about the three tenets of a civil society: opportunity, responsibility and community. As a father, these are things I continue to think about and hope I have passed on to my children. The first responsibility of a father, I believe, is to keep his children safe. But as my oldest son prepares to leave home and begin college, I realize that my ability to directly protect him will wane. So I must hope that the values we have taught him will ultimately guide him well as he now charts his own course. And I suppose that too is part of being a father.

The lessons of fatherhood? I'm certain there are many. Father's Day is an opportunity for fathers everywhere to pause and reflect on what is truly important in life. Fatherhood is not only a responsibility, it is an honor of the highest degree.

Jonathan Tisch is Chairman and CEO of Loews Hotels, Co-Chairman of the Board for Loews Corp. and host of television's Beyond the Boardroom with Jonathan Tisch.

Comments

[brianmathewkowalchuk]

Rob Wunder is a pretty impressive individual. Very, very impressive. The simply eloquent, "He's my son," speaks volumes of his character, and of the greatness and elevation to the human condition that a father can bring. I salute you, Mr. Wunder, and I do not salute many people. Glad to hear Coach K appreciates and respects the simplicity of his daughter's love, and I hope George Stephanopoulos makes a trophy from the stuffed yellow duck. Sounds like an heirloom to me. (Maybe he could introduce a Daily Quacker Award on his radio show. I'm sure there are plenty of politicians and executives who are worthy of the honor.) Congratulations on your Father of the Year honor, Mr. Tisch. You must be doing something right if your children are complaining about not getting a vote. (Keep him in line, you guys.)

[brianmathewkowalchuk]

I agree with you about Fatherhood being not only a responsibility, but, an honor. My Dad passed last year. That's okay. I told him I loved him many times before he left for a better place. Complicated man. Not a great father, but, we had some really good moments. We had the same sense of humor, pretty dry. He loved to fish, but, never caught one. NEVER. Well, actually, he did catch one, but, it jumped out of his hands and back into the water when he was taking it off the hook. Smallest fish I've ever seen on a hook in my life. He was so excited and pleased when he got it in the row boat. You should have seen the look on his face after the fish jumped back into the water. Priceless. It still makes me laugh and that was 30 years ago. Happy Father's Day, pop. I'm writing a screenplay to honor your better side, and good fathers, and Father's Day. A family comedy. And, I'm going to find a way to include a scene with a barbeque. www.brianmathewkowalchuk.blogspot.com

[cdrach]

Blah Blah Blah -more propaganda from corporate fat cats. How about giving your employees(many of whom are fathers) health care and a living wage? Or let them form a union at work-then we'll see what a gee-whiz ,swell kind of guy Mr Tisch really is

[truthbetold99]

You wrote: "When I first told my kids about this recognition they jokingly asked why they didn't get a vote."

How do you know they were joking?

[LordMoon]

My goals as a father, are some what different than yours. But, that's to be expected, because I've spent a life time trying to put broken people back together.

It's more important to me, to raise children that are free from neurosis, and emotionally healthy, than to be, what is called in this society, a productive member. It's been my experience that those who are willing to sacrifise themselves, for their job and illusory career goals pay an emotional price in their own emotional stability. In many instances, one sighted focus on career, can be an escape from intimacy, for those who have dificulties being emotionlly available to others. Their familys offer suffer in silence, believing also that they must sacrifse their own emontional needs, in order to sustain them.

This is one of the greatest problems this country faces, how to produce people that are emotionally and physically healthy.

We cannot continue to put the kinds of pressure we do on men, in this society, and expect them to suceed in their roles as fathers.

All relationships take time, lots and lots of time, and emotional availability. Those who grow up without fathers, grow up hurting, in so many ways. No amount of success, later in life, can ever erase those emotional scars. Eventually those tears will come out sideways, and that's where the problems begin.