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Jordan Hart
Jordan Hart is the author and illustrator of Steel Rainbow: The Legendary Underground Guide to Becoming an ‘80s Rock Star. You can follow him on Twitter @Jordan_Hart.

Entries by Jordan Hart

Avoid These Songs at Your Wedding, Please

(16) Comments | Posted August 19, 2015 | 5:47 PM

You've snapped hundreds of photos of linens and flatware. You've decided that the frilly musketeer hat is a superior photo booth prop to the fedora. You even passed on shotgunning an Ice House with your old college roommates in the name of evaluating a unity candle.

Yes, this wedding...

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May the Fourth Be With You, Bub -- What If Wolverine Was a Stormtrooper?

(4) Comments | Posted May 4, 2015 | 1:30 PM


As a kid, one of my favorite comic book series was What If? by Marvel Comics. Set in random alternate realities, each issue placed a familiar character in unfamiliar territory (e.g. What if the Hulk had the brain of Bruce Banner? What if...

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The World's Most Slappable Sidekick Isn't So Slappable Anymore

(0) Comments | Posted November 5, 2014 | 5:02 PM


Some people in this world can simply be described as "slappable." You know, like middle-aged men who call their 20-something girlfriends "baby" or couples who push their lapdog around the neighborhood in a stroller.

But annoying as these everyday slap-magnets are, many...

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Apes with Machine Guns, the Doom of Mankind

(1) Comments | Posted July 10, 2014 | 1:51 PM

Explosions. Lens Flares. A fluid collage of the entire cast in costume, or a gritty, high contrast profile shot of the main character's face. Film posters today seem to follow a general formula.

But last week something crazy happened. I saw a poster for Dawn of the Planet of...

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Coping With Summer-Induced Focusing Problems

(0) Comments | Posted April 15, 2014 | 4:27 PM

Rejoice! After five months of relentless Cleveland Steamers from Old Man Winter, warm weather is finally on the sunny horizon.

But as the majority of the nation emerges from their dormant hibernation -- with atrophied muscles and the demoralized demeanor of someone who's been punched in the stomach every...

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Not a Football Fan? How to Pick Which Team to Cheer for This Sunday

(0) Comments | Posted January 28, 2014 | 8:01 AM

As you're well aware, the Super Bowl is this Sunday. That means gluttonous parties are on the horizon, which if successful, will leave you lying shamefully in a dark, empty room contemplating your self-worth after consuming 20,000 calories and a sandwich made out of garlic bread, boneless Buffalo wings and...

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9 Ridiculous Reasons to Shop In-Store on Black Thursday

(0) Comments | Posted November 26, 2013 | 1:50 PM

Thrill seeking has always been essential to the human spirit. Coming face-to-face with the Grim Reaper, on purpose, can be found in every culture across the globe. Spaniards get their kicks trying to outrun a stampede of pissed off bulls, Nicaraguans snowboard down active volcanoes at 80 kilometers per hour,...

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Dealing With a Horrible Fantasy Football Team

(1) Comments | Posted October 6, 2013 | 8:28 PM

This was going to be the year. You read countless blogs. You bought $200 worth of strategy guides. You watched NFL network for two hours each night before bed. And what did all of that get you? An embarrassing 1-4 record.

Welcome to fantasy football.

Maybe it's not...

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Dust Off That Cape, It's Comic-Con!

(1) Comments | Posted July 17, 2013 | 10:19 AM

Comic-Con's here.

Wait, let me try that again. COMIC-CON'S HERE!!!

You may be asking yourself, "What exactly is Comic-Con?" Well, for a man-child like myself, it's heaven on earth, hence why I broke my personal "never use exclamation points, ever" rule.

In this is magical place one can:

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Remembering Lawn Darts: The Backyard Blood Sport

(0) Comments | Posted June 12, 2013 | 2:43 PM

Summer's finally here, and with its warm temperatures come a bunch of seasonal activities: embarking on long walks, squeezing fresh lemonade, roasting marshmallows, and of course, getting hammered every weekend at some type of barbecue.

And years ago, no backyard cookout was complete without a competitive, and usually life-threatening,...

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25 Activities for Star Wars Day

(10) Comments | Posted May 2, 2013 | 11:43 AM

"May the Fourth be with you." Nope, that's not a typo. That's the phrase you'll hear in every comic book store, action figure aisle, and GameStop across the planet this Saturday.

May 4 is unofficially "Star Wars Day." In other words, it's the only time of the year --...

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St. Paddy's Day Fashion Rules

(2) Comments | Posted March 14, 2013 | 11:57 AM

There's nothing like St. Patrick's Day. During this glorious celebration, social norms and expectations go out the window. Slamming an Irish Car Bomb at 6 a.m. doesn't make you an alcoholic, it makes you heroic. Passing out before noon won't get you an intervention, it'll get you street cred.

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Restaurant Red Flags to Avoid on Valentine's Day

(0) Comments | Posted February 13, 2013 | 12:55 PM

According to Wikipedia, the leading source of all my knowledge, Valentine's Day is "celebrated in many countries around the world." This means you are not alone; some dude in Slovenia is sharing your sense of overwhelmed panic.

But it's not your fault; Cupid's holiday is a tricky one....

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8 Steps To Prepping Your Living Room For A Super Bowl Party

(1) Comments | Posted January 24, 2013 | 4:56 PM

In college, throwing a party was almost too easy. All you needed for a legendary rager were a couple of kegs, a beer-pong table and an oatmeal-filled mini pool for bikini wrestling.

But as a grown up, hosting an epic party without the looming threat of pissing off your...

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9 Steps to Surviving Black Friday

(5) Comments | Posted November 20, 2012 | 2:39 AM

Black Friday is not for the slow, weak, or rational. Never participated? Then you've probably wondered why anyone would risk getting shanked in the leg for a 720p HDTV with subpar contrast ratio. Unfortunately, a scientific explanation for the phenomena doesn't exist. There's just something about the magical phrase "70-percent...

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80s Book: 11 Steps To Becoming A Rock Star

(19) Comments | Posted June 27, 2012 | 4:16 PM

For most guys today, wearing a leotard, blush, and constantly being covered in glitter would get you nothing but ridicule. In the 80s however, it got you fame, fortune, and bras sent to you in the mail. Ready or not, there is evidence that the glory days of the 80s...

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