Congress Can Use "Dog the Bounty Hunter" To Arrest Karl Rove

In 2006, those of us who recognized the severity of President George W. Bush's abuses of the United States Constitution were disappointed when the newly-elected Democratic majority in Congress decided to take impeachment "off the table." Today, the House Judiciary Committee, under the leadership of Michigan Representative John Conyers, has the opportunity to restore the House of Representatives as a co-equal branch of government, just as the framers of the Constitution intended. If Conyers fails to assert Congress's power to enforce its subpoenas the House will be reduced to the status of a toothless parliament like the ones that adorn executive-branch dictatorships all over the world.

Not since the time of Richard Nixon's Attorney General, John Mitchell, who was the only Attorney General in American history to go to prison, has the head of the Justice Department behaved so abominably. Attorney General Michael Mukasey has chosen to obstruct Congress's subpoenas of executive branch employees despite evidence of criminal wrongdoing. Senators Charles Schumer and Diane Feinstein were the deciding votes that confirmed Mukasey. What were they thinking? Now Mukasey bucks normal procedure and refuses to begin grand jury investigations of Karl Rove's role in transforming the Justice Department into a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Republican National Committee.

Karl Rove is free to "analyze" American politics for us on Fox News, and in the pages of The Wall Street Journal and Newsweek; he appears on discussion panels and charges $40,000 a pop for speaking gigs; he signed a book deal estimated to be worth $8 to $12 million; and now he thumbs his nose at the Congress, defying its subpoenas. It's as if he thinks he's above the law and above his fellow citizens. And to top it off Rove's enabler and co-conspirator is the Attorney General himself.

Mukasey's refusal to do his job shows he is a willing accomplice in undermining the Constitutional powers of the House of Representatives as a co-equal branch of government. Can anyone think of an action more "un-American" than dismantling the "checks and balances" that James Madison and other founders so carefully put in place in 1787?

It is fitting that our current Constitutional crisis finds Karl Rove as its centerpiece. No human being has done more damage to our republic in the last hundred years than Karl Rove. He masterminded three of the slimiest, rottenest, most dishonest and divisive elections in American history; elections that brought to power a craven gang of white collar criminals who proceeded to destroy the ability of the government to function (except as a conveyor belt of cash for cronies), lied us into an illegal war in Iraq, collapsed the economy, and made torture and the suspension of habeas corpus synonymous with American "ideals." Karl Rove thinks he can tell Congress to go fuck itself. He must not be allowed to walk away Scot free from his crimes and misdeeds.

If Karl Rove can flap his pasty jowls on Fox News then he sure as hell can testify to Congress.

Karl Rove was the architect of George W. Bush's high crimes and misdemeanors, (unless you think Bush could think this stuff up by himself.) Rove was Bush's capo di tutti capi. He must be held accountable. He must appear before Congress. He cannot duck subpoenas like a petty Mafioso. Mukasey's refusal to uphold his oath of office, which is to "protect and defend" the Constitution, is in itself impeachable, so it is now up to the House of Representatives to act. Rove must be arrested and compelled to testify truthfully under penalty of perjury.

In an earlier era the Sergeant of Arms would arrest Rove and jail him in the basement of the Capitol building. But in our post-modern media age I suggest a more suitable course of action: Congress should hire "Dog the Bounty Hunter," (Duane Lee Chapman), to hunt down Rove on national television. It would be a ratings winner (especially among the coveted 18-to 29-year olds), the advertisers would be overjoyed, and the American people could finally see Rove's Pillsbury Doughboy ass cowering in the bathroom behind a shower curtain when "Dog" and his buxom wife, Beth "The Huntress," flush him out, rough him up, and slap handcuffs on him. "Dog," who is a devout Christian, would have the chance to show his patriotism, rescue his country, and arrest the highest-profile fugitive of his career. The nation would have "closure" as well as a much-needed distraction from the war and the depression.

You Can Run, Karl, But You Can't Hide.

Comments

[Bonny9]

I want to see this, Carl Rove escorted by guards to testify. Including Dog and Beth would be great product placement for Dog ... and his upcoming summer return. Get him Dog!

[milo9]

Palermo, you are a freakin' genius! The narrative writes itself. I applaud you!

[zanzig]

I don't understand American law, but is there no provision for any State Attorney to bring an action against Rove for abuses/breaches of the Constitution? Why must you wait for Congress to do something? Is this not purely a "legalistic" matter, that any competent lawyer can commence?

[fred123]

No, there is no provision for a State Attorney General to bring charges in a Federal case. On a larger matter, the Constitution is not criminal law - the potential *abuses-breaches* you want addressed have to be decided in a struggle between the executive, legislative and judicial branches. Its a political question, not a legal one. Its not a crime for two branches to fight over their divided powers, and certainly Rove isn*t the key player in this.

In the *fired US District Attorneys* case Conyers has a bigger problem. Those District Attorneys are political appointees, not subject to Civil Service protection. The President can fire them at will, without answering to Congress. So, unless you can prove obstruction of justice in a particular case that the fired attorneys were working on, then there*s no underlying crime. Personnel moves within the Executive are really none of Congress* business (except , obviously, those Congress needs to confirm) and I predict that if Conyers provokes a showdown on this issue, the courts won*t support him, and he*ll lose.

[Clairvaux]

If Mukasey refuses to act, Mukasey should be impeached. (I know with the current Senate he will never be convicted, but the message will be sent.)

Schumer and Feinstein need to be replaced. Either we have a constitution, or we have fascism.

Also, come January, John Edwards will be our AG. The chickens will come home to roost for quite a few Bushies. Let's see if Rove refuses to testify then.

[milo9]

This is what I would like to see happen: Obama elected, and then a concentration on bringing down all the feckless Dems who betrayed the Constitution.

[charon]

The proper remedy for Mukasey's actions, if not overridden by Bush, is impeachment, which is the tool for removing an executive using "executive privilege" to protect criminals in his administration. Of course, Pelosi "took impeachment off the table" so that makes such a course of action difficult. Maybe Pelosi should be taken out of the House and sent back to California in shame for failure to govern in the next election.

[flanardiente]

I love it! My daughter turned me on to Dog, and at first I couldn't believe this was real. These people dress like they're in some soft-porn spy movie from the '80s and talk like the guys in "Trailer Park Boys." It took a couple of viewings before I could admit, OK, I kind of like these guys. After all, they bagged that playboy rapist in Mexico, who was a real criminal and not something dreamed up for TV, and they even went to jail for it. Dog's Christianity, which would ordinarily turn me off, turned out to be the real thing, which I can respect. (And Beth, natch, is awesome.) If Karl were to be confronted by this crew, I'm sure his ears would grow large and round and trembly little whiskers would sprout out from under his nose and by the time they'd dragged him away, you'd be able to see his long grey tail lashing nervously from side to side.

Dogs are great ratters.

[ddharder]

" No human being has done more damage to our republic in the last hundred years than Karl Rove."

I actually beg to differ a bit about this. I blame the education system, the press, the gulibility of a huge chunk of the American voting public, and the ineptitude of the democratic contenders.

Roves tactics were childlike and as Obama has already proven, easily dismissed and turned back on those who use them (e.g., the recent claims of appeasing).

It almost seemed as if Kerry just rolled over and played dead against his tactics. And Gore was afraid to say anything, do anything until his gang of high priced consultants were confered with and a consensus how to respond was reached. Responses to Roves playground taunts were executive board room equivelants to "uh uh!" It was excrutiating to watch.

[aznurse]

I would love to see Dog's wife have rove in a headlock!!

[kavan]

I smell a new reality series for 2009! Hunt 'em all down.

[Liberal2]

I love the idea....and lets make sure "America's Most Wanted" puts it on the air.

FWIW, I got sick of America's Most Wanted because John Walsh has gotten too rich on the backs of America's dumbest. You think the boobs they show being arrested wouldn't prefer being brain surgeons and corporate lawyers? It's nothing but a modern freak show.

When Walsh turns his camera on white collar criminals (Rove, Bush, Wal-Mart execs, etc.)I'll consider watching it again.

[jfor]

Brilliant. The next logical step for c-span. The real world "Congress". Brought to you by Viagra.

[fred123]

Hate to interupt your fantasy but now you're seeing Congress more power than the Constitution gives- The only reason good ol' Dog can chase people down is that said people have been arrested and then jumped bail. If there was an arrest warrent out, the appropriate law enforcement agency could arrest him - but arrest warrents are a judicial function, and the law enforcement folks work for the executive branch. Oh sure, they can issue supoenas but they aren't arrest warrents, and they are supposed to have some connection to legislation. So what's Conyers excuse for this - is he seriously thinking about making Federal District Attorneys Civil Service positions instead of the political appointees they are now? Get real - this is a personal vendetta on Conyers' part . He just wants to get Rove so he can just shout at him in front of the cameras. An entertaining spectical during an election year, but its got nothing to do with Congress' business.

[milo9]

Rove is a criminal, to not bring him to justice is a betrayal of the Constitution. If Republicans were serious about reforming their party, they would help instead of hinder.

[newshawk14]

fred123, I strongly suspect that your analysis is correct, but the fantasy of "Dog the Bounty
Hunter", hauling Rove's ass in, while the TV cameras are rolling, is delightful.

[joeholla]

I would buy a PPV to see Dog bring in Rove and give him one of his life coaching sessions as they drive back to congress.

[continental]

Great article. Go get him, Dog, and if he happens to fall down a few flights of stairs before you're able to deliver him to Congress, oh well.

[JoeyP]

I'd like to see Rove's WSJ hatchet piece on Barack Obama, can someone post the link here in the comments? The Constitutional issue is the big thing here, Rove is just the lightning rod.

[zebra3]

JoeyP-
Here's the latest such hatchet piece from Thursday's WSJ: http://tinyurl.com/54uh6q