Fred Thompson: The Sequel

Fred Thompson finally joined the Republican presidential debates. He stood stoic and detached, acting "presidential," while shining with Reaganesque optimism: The economy is booming, people need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, (even if they don't have boots), there's money to be made, America's the best!, we must stop "socialized" health care, the war in Iraq is being won, I won't tax you like the Democrats will, and blah, blah.

He plays coy and acts like General Dwight Eisenhower being begged to lead his party due to his massive personal accomplishments. But what exactly are Fred Thompson's accomplishments?

He was a pin-striped smarmy lobbyist for years working the same meat market as good ol' Jack Abramoff. He even lobbied for groups (for the right price) that weren't exaclty "conservative" about anything.

He leveraged his way into the Senate by greasing the wheels of governance through his lobbying schmoozing. Once in the Senate he was known for being a lazy legislator but an energetic pursuer of poon.

He left the Senate to focus on his budding acting career. Why can't he just continue to play that gruff persona on TV instead of pretending to be Gary Cooper out on the stump? At least if we see Thompson on TV we can lunge for the remote.

Thompson is a one-dimensional actor with an acting palette a team of scientists who are still trying to discover with the latest electron microscope. But he is the best right-wing Hollywood Republican presidential candidate in his price range. His agent promises he'll please, the riders will be minimal, and he'll show up on time.

Ever since Ronald Reagan started this madness by lowering the bar of American politics to enable mediocre thespians to run for high office we have suffered our share of Republican scenery munchers.

Sonny Bono became a Congressional representative. Arnold Schwarzenegger became Governor of California. And even the talentless drip who played "Gopher" on The Loveboat held a seat in the U.S. House of Representatives from Iowa.

Now Fred Thompson wants to get into the act. His "qualifications" amount to little more than being able to emote on demand and read a mean teleprompter. He's not an "empty suit," but a desiccated, mummified version of 1950s Man. John Wayne meets Charlton Heston. "Get your stinking paws off me you damn dirty apes!"

His ideas about blockading Iran while continuing to occupy Iraq make him the scariest Republican presidential aspirant to come out of the woodwork since the day Rudy Giuliani announced his candidacy.

We the people have no choice: It is time to draft Leonard Nimoy.

Comments

[CriminallySane]

I endured the Republican "debate" in order to check Thompson out. On his best day, he's C-list. The guy is outright pathetic - uninformed, uninspired, I think he had trouble staying awake.

Actors generally need writers and directors, and he didn't have them. It showed.

[cuthbertallgood]

Actually, politicians also generally need and almost always use writers and 'image consultants' and speech coaching and all sorts of professional help. I assume that Not Ready Freddy had all of those and that it still did not help.

[kuulray]

Hey, make fun of Fred all you want, but he's the only candidate out there who's taking a tough stance toward the Soviet Union.

[Rhydderch69]

:-).