If you are going through divorce, there are many ways you can help your child custody case. Being involved with your children's education is one of the more heavily weighted factors.
A recent article on DadsDivorce.com outlined the profound impact testimony from teachers can have on a judge's determination of child custody and parenting time.
Teachers are often called into court to testify regarding parental involvement in the children's lives, particularly the educational aspect. The best thing you can do for yourself and your child is to ensure that you are not cut out of your child's education.
When parents have separated, it often becomes the case that only one parent is contacted by the school to arrange parent-teacher conferences and participate in class activities.
More often than not, it is the mother who has the time to volunteer at school to help out. It's Mom who usually is the one the school calls, who handles carpool, who drops off the snacks.
Teachers see moms do this every day. Fair or unfair, when a dad does these things, it sticks out because few dads do so. As I recommend in my book "The 10 Stupidest Mistakes Men Make When Facing Divorce," make sure your kids' teachers get used to seeing you.
Attend parent-teacher conferences. Even if there is not a parent-teacher conference scheduled, make sure your kids' teachers see you picking them up from school and pop in to talk to teachers from time to time.
If every couple months you had lunch with your child or took a vacation day to go on a field trip, your participation in the education process as a father will stick out more in the teacher's mind.
Continue to be involved in your child's education by providing the teacher with your contact information and asking to be informed about volunteer opportunities with the school and your child's progress on academic subjects.
One big obstacle many temporary non-custodial parents and their children face is completing homework during midweek parenting time. Working on homework with your child is of paramount importance, even if you are one of the many fathers relegated to seeing your kids just one school night a week.
It can be difficult to take the time to do homework instead of playing together during those overnight visits, but it is imperative that you help your kids with their homework. Many schools now have homework books that list assignments, so sign those books or initial their homework every time you do homework together.
In one case we handled at my law firm, Cordell & Cordell, the deciding factor in a custody contest was the homework book. There were dozens of homework assignments, and the mom had signed for only three. The dad had signed for the rest.
While all of these potential actions are done for the simple benefit of your child and furthering his or her education, it also provides the judge an opportunity to see that your parenting time is nothing but beneficial. This proves you are actively seeking to be involved in your child's education and are following up with teachers to ensure that you are doing everything in your power to better your child through learning.
Being involved in your child's education is an excellent way to spend additional bonding time and demonstrate a willingness to be involved with your child's growth.
It also may just make the difference in your custody case.
Joseph Cordell is the Principal Partner of Cordell & Cordell, a nationwide domestic litigation firm focused on men's family law matters. Cordell & Cordell also provides a website dedicated to informing men on the divorce process and the challenges they face. Visit http://www.dadsdivorce.com for more information.
I'm saying this as a father who was awarded custody of two daughters. Mom skipped town with her new boyfriend, committed a few felonies, and wound-up in prison...Even then, she was able to challenge our custody arrangement in court.
The best thing to have in a custody case is a vagina.
Very unfair.
Almost ninety per cent of the time Judges will award custody to the wrong party...I would like to start a petition that all cases be heard by jury and both parties have to agree to have it heard by a judge.
I agree that parents should be supportive of the child and leave their acrimony behind. The best way to do that and I think would be a good financial solution is to kick out the divorcing parents who would have to rotate living in the house with the child until age 18. Both parties contribute to one half of mortgage and one half utilities. At age eighteen sell the house give the kid the money in form of a trust and set everyone free.
1. we split an apt. I will stay there most of the time. Every other weekend she can use the apt and i will go to the house to be with the kids. So they arent uprooted, they can still keep their friends, sports schedules.
2. We refi and lower the payments on our home, so that it is more affordable for either of us.
3. I give her some $ for her to get a place, i stay with the house so that our kids can still go to school w/their friends. When they grad high school, we sell the house and split the small profit.
What do you think?
PS. This really is a very good tip. I'm one custodial father, who is STILL very involved even 9 years after gaining primary custody. @FullCustodyDad, writer of http://DaddyGotCustody.com
Do you think we should take kids away from parents who don't get more involved at school? I mean, they should be doing it anyway, right? Should we just take them away from dads whose partners have decided they don't want to be married any more? Because that's what happens hundreds of thousands of times a year, and there is very little the dads or the kids can do to stop it. This article, which is seemingly well-intentioned despite being woefully incomplete, is recommending some things dads can do to keep their children from being damaged by losing a parent. I'm having trouble seeing that as sad and sick, personally.
Now, I don't think custody is a game. But when I read the author's statements: "you can help your child custody case" and "Teachers are often called into court to testify" and "make sure your kids' teachers get used to seeing you" and "make sure your kids' teachers see you picking them up from school".
All of these 'moves' are not intended to actually get more involved in the child's education, but are meant only to preset you in your custody case in a better light.
I think its sick and sad that the motivating factor isn't the child, but rather the custody case.
Being female.
Sorry. Couldn't stop myself. Sigh.
A marriage is a partnership, and one parent may simply have more time to tend to children because he/she happens to be at home more often, whereas the other one may be working. In fact, the spouses may have even made a conscious decision that one parent was better suited to contributing through work outside of the home, and the other to being at home more often, and thus being there to cut the crusts off of Timmy's PBJ sandwich and signing Jenny's progress reports. This makes one parent no better than the other. They are doing what they can to be efficient and provide for their family.
Perhaps there is a problem with the way courts approach the issue of custody and the determination of parental involvement. But as long as their approach is as described by Mr. Cordell, it is wise advice to any father (or perhaps the working mother) hoping to continue to be an integral part in the life of his child(ren) after divorce.
Or should be just take them away from dads and then describe as loathsome any efforts they make to keep their children from being damaged by losing a parent?
I'm not following you here.