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Joseph Minton Amann and Tom Breuer
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Entries by Joseph Minton Amann and Tom Breuer

Media Drunk Tank: A Spendulus for the Rest of Us

(8) Comments | Posted February 11, 2009 | 9:33 AM

Oh, the folks at Fox News are a witty group. They somehow manage to combine Aryan good looks with the comedic sensibility of a Rush Limbaugh...or maybe Gallagher's brother.

You see, the kids over at Fox News refer to the Stimulus Bill as a "Spendulus Bill." Get it? Because...

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Media Drunk Tank: Officer O'Reilly

(7) Comments | Posted January 27, 2009 | 9:23 AM

Bill O'Reilly now has a "Policing the Net" segment on his Fox News show. Seriously. This is coming from a guy who has roughly the sexual impulse control of Tommy Lee on Spanish fly. But Sir Spanks-a-Lot has made himself judge and jury over what is appropriate for the...

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Fox News Doesn't Care About Black People

(97) Comments | Posted January 21, 2009 | 11:38 AM

At Fox News, inauguration day looked like the first afternoon a Negro used the local country club tennis courts following a legal settlement.

While there were many forced smiles and obligatory discussions of this "historic" day, there was just as much complaining about the size of the event, the expense...

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Media Drunk Tank: Dreams of My Fellatio

(0) Comments | Posted December 31, 2008 | 9:26 AM

Gone are the days when we could look forward to a new book in which Christopher Hitchens skewers Mother Teresa or where we could read how great Tim Russert's dad was. No, our reading list for the new year is full of first-time authors who have a lot...

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Media Drunk Tank: Things We've Learned from Bill O'Reilly's Dad

(0) Comments | Posted December 2, 2008 | 2:32 PM

O'Reilly Teaches Us How to Save Millions. Annually!

Bill O'Reilly is a lot of things: commentator, author, telephone pervert (allegedly), and now he's adding financial adviser to the list. Yes, Bill is the Suze Orman of Fox News, except Suze can get women into bed without sexually harassing them.


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Media Drunk Tank: Dreaming of a Black Christmas

(0) Comments | Posted November 25, 2008 | 9:51 AM

Saving Private Blitzen

Unlike most people in this country, Fox News' favorite holiday is not Christmas--it's War on Christmas.

Every year, they get out their War on Christmas decorations, dust off their favorite War on Christmas stories, and, at their War on Christmas office party, strive to get drunk...

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Media Drunk Tank: Seriously, Why Won't Joe the Plumber Just Bugger Off?

(0) Comments | Posted November 18, 2008 | 11:59 AM

Joe the Plumber to Sell Book to His Fans; Trojan to Market Defective Condom to Men Without Penises

Okay, so Joe the Plumber is writing a book. And while it's as expected as it is repellent (we wonder if Joe and Sarah Palin couldn't simply descend on John McCain...

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Media Drunk Tank: Blond Jokes

(0) Comments | Posted November 12, 2008 | 9:06 AM

And So Fox's Bush Years Revisionism Begins...Now!

You might say Fox News' Megyn Kelly is the perfect hybridization of everything the network most values in its employees.

She's suitably blond, beautiful, and bimboish, but her personality is about what you'd get if you gave Ted Nugent meth and rabies...

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Media Drunk Tank

(0) Comments | Posted October 29, 2008 | 12:33 PM

Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain

As longtime observers of Bill O'Reilly, we choose to regard the man with the unjaundiced eye, impassive reason, and evenhanded solemnity of an ancient Athenian stoic.

With that in mind, here's what the Pope of Crazyville had to say last week:

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Bill O'Reilly: Box Office Poison

(0) Comments | Posted October 7, 2008 | 11:26 AM

Back on July 13, 2004, Fox News--which consistently hires the biggest dicks in entertainment outside of the gay porn industry--was host to another of Bill O'Reilly's patented tirades: "The latest atrocity is a rap song by a guy named Jadakiss, who is just a pitiful pawn being run by the...

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God's Plan for America (As Revealed to Todd Palin After Several Busch Light 40-Ouncers)

(0) Comments | Posted October 3, 2008 | 1:06 PM

1776: America is founded on CHRISTIANITY! Also, some "consent of the governed" shit. Eat it, King George! Let's also put "all men are created equal" in there, just for shits. (We can do something good for the blacks later. O.J. gets off? Just spitballin' here.)

1783: War ends. Treaty of...

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The Real Reason McCain Picked Palin

(0) Comments | Posted September 26, 2008 | 10:39 AM

Anyone who saw the grand mal seizure that passed for Sarah Palin's interview with Katie Couric on Thursday has got to be wondering whether it was they, Palin, or everyone concerned who was 'shrooming through the experience.

Here's a representative excerpt:

Couric: You've cited Alaska's proximity to Russia...

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Socialite Endorses McCain, Changes Everything

(0) Comments | Posted September 17, 2008 | 6:14 PM

Merde! Lynn Forester de Rothschild, a top Hillary Clinton fundraiser, has endorsed John McCain for president of these United States. Apparently, the wife of Sir Evelyn de Rothschild feels Obama is "arrogant and has difficulty connecting with average Americans." And who better to tell us about connecting with...

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Mama Don't Preach

(0) Comments | Posted September 4, 2008 | 12:48 AM

Now that we've all spent the last week getting to know Sarah Palin -- and roughly the same amount of time getting to know her illicit bastard grand-fetus -- it's time to reflect.

To review: What the fuck, John McCain?

Forget that McCain, who is diagnosed with cancer fortnightly,...

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McCain Once Again Shows Republican Party Is Just 24 Years Behind Democrats

(0) Comments | Posted August 30, 2008 | 12:52 PM

Proving that there's no progressive breakthrough that's too passé for Republicans to pretend to act on for the first time, John McCain on Friday selected Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate.

Of course, this is a watershed moment in presidential politics that's bound to draw numerous comparisons to...

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Alternate Titles for Bill O'Reilly's New Book

(0) Comments | Posted June 16, 2008 | 9:53 AM

  • A Bold, Fresh Piece of Altar Boy
  • The NAMBLA Guide to Levittown, New York
  • If You Tell, He'll Kill Your Parents and Other Things I Learned in Life
  • You Only Get Splotchier: A Memoir
  • Please Dad, Not in the Face: Memories of My Father
  • A Dirty Seed...

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Election 2008: Barry vs. Scary

(0) Comments | Posted June 8, 2008 | 1:34 PM

With Hillary Clinton's more or less gracious concession speech on Saturday, the race between Barack Obama and John McCain is officially on.

In case you hadn't noticed, one of these candidates is a little, shall we say, cooler than the other. Indeed, not since Richard Nixon flop-sweated all...

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New York Times Headlines Hillary Clinton Is Still Hoping to See

(0) Comments | Posted May 29, 2008 | 4:20 PM

McCain and Obama in Hamilton/Burr-style Duel
GOP hopeful fells Dem nominee; RNC tabs longtime secret Cheney clone in emergency summit.

Iowa, Illinois, South Carolina, Alabama, Alaska, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho, Kansas, Minnesota, Missouri, North Dakota, Utah, Louisiana, Nebraska, Washington, Maine, Maryland, Virginia, Hawaii, Wisconsin, Vermont, District...

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Spitzer Fails to Qualify for Sex Scandal Olympics

(0) Comments | Posted March 14, 2008 | 10:39 AM

The single most shocking thing about the Eliot Spitzer sex scandal is, of course, his party affiliation. The GOP has such a notorious losing streak when it comes to this stuff that when a Democrat finally falls it's kinda like when Somalia beats Austria in the luge.

So Spitzer spent...

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Huckabee's Campaign Evolves; He Remains Clueless Ape

(0) Comments | Posted February 13, 2008 | 8:47 AM

Over the next couple of days, Mike Huckabee will campaign in Wisconsin as part of his whirlwind John McCain's Wrinkly-Veteran-White-Ass-Smooching Tour. Of course, early in the campaign, Huckabee declared that he did not believe in evolution, then later did his best to convince voters that his unbelief was...

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