Alternate Titles for Bill O'Reilly's New Book

• A Bold, Fresh Piece of Altar Boy
• The NAMBLA Guide to Levittown, New York
• If You Tell, He'll Kill Your Parents and Other Things I Learned in Life
• You Only Get Splotchier: A Memoir
• Please Dad, Not in the Face: Memories of My Father
• A Dirty Seed and an Unholy Egg: My Life from the Start
• I've Written Another Book Because My Fans Are Retards
• Untitled Piece of Shit Bill O'Reilly Manuscript
• Who Are We Kidding? We're Only Gonna Release This One in Large Print
• Yeah, Even at This Age I Was Jerking Off to 33-Year-Old Producers