Failure Guaranteed: 8 Tips for Avoiding Success

06/13/2011 09:27 am ET | Updated Aug 13, 2011
  • Joseph Satto Founder of Writes about the organic food movement, eco-tourism and golf.

An important person once said, "A life full of success is a life less lived" -- or maybe I just made that up. There is plenty of success going around, so here is a quick guide to counter that movement and keep things balanced in the world.

1. Don't make a list.

Don't list your goals and you won't be disappointed when you don't achieve those goals. Christine put together this fancy list, but that required thinking about what she wanted to achieve in life, and pushing all those keys to form words and sentences. I'm sure you're better off sticking to the daily grind and embracing life as is. You're free, and Christine is burdened by ambition. Enjoy that freedom.

2. Record more shows.

You've got the technology at your fingertips, so why not exhaust it? Your DVR is ready, willing and able, and it's hungry. A life spent watching random people do things is a life spent watching random people do things. At the end of your life, you'll be able to proudly proclaim, "I watched random people do things." What a great story that will be for your relatives to pass down to future generations.

3. Go 24/7 on Facebook and Twitter.

Who loves updates? You do. Let's be honest, your friends' lives are fascinating, so why would you need to do anything when experiencing life vicariously requires little to no effort? It's so much easier to sit back, relax and read and share thoughts. Take the 24/7 challenge. Flip back and forth between Facebook and Twitter for 24 hours, and soak up all that great content. It's definitely making you a better you.

4. Talk more, do less.

Sure, you could build or borrow a plan like this, but that requires a ton of effort and brain power. Talking about it would be so much easier and only requires working lungs and a larynx. So keep talking and talking and...

5. Put it off.

It's 6:30 p.m. and you just finished work. The gym is open until 11. You've got plenty of time. Go home and get comfortable; curl up on your couch. The beauty of this approach is that if you stay planted on the couch, no one can see those few extra pounds you've been meaning to shed, and your gym membership becomes obsolete. Look at you saving money.

6. Stop imagining.

Firing up the imagination can really get you in trouble. It can take you to foreign places to experience brand new cultures, get you to exercise your way to a new figure or put you on a new career path. All of this sounds like change, and change is definitely going to help you get somewhere in life. So shut it down. If you find yourself starting to imagine anything, turn on the TV or get on Facebook and watch that budding ambition melt away. Ahh!

7. Enlist naysayers.

Saronson is being supported by a bunch of people, but you should do the opposite. There are naysayers everywhere, so make it your job to find and befriend them. They're always happy to crush any ambition you may have, and you'll be helping them achieve less in their lives -- two birds, one stone.

8. Embrace doubt.

Having doubt probably means that you'll never succeed anyway. I'm sure that these people never had doubts along the way to achieving their goals. So embrace that doubt like you would a glazed doughnut. Savor it, digest it. Yum.

And by the way, I'm not sitting in judgment; I'm speaking from experience. All these steps motivated me to launch mySomeday. More than anything, it's been a tool for me to combat failure. And it seems to be working -- maybe it will for you, as well.