Just Say 'No' to Your Mobile Device

Recently on mySomeday, I came across a woman who planned to document a holocaust survivor's story and then did so. We featured this completed Someday on the site and interviewed her about the process.

During that interview, she said that the real moments of connection came during regular visits with her survivor, mobile technology-free. Her belief was that conversations have a life of their own. On many occasions it took time for the survivor to be comfortable enough to share a memory and a mobile device would surely have made it more difficult to stay in the flow of the conversation. Putting aside the obviously compelling subject matter, it struck me that this one woman's effort is a great reminder of the importance of preserving conditions for meaningful face-to-face exchange.

How often are you with someone at a social gathering who has one eye on you and one eye glancing furtively at a blinking red light? Either you're just not that interesting or, more likely, you've fallen victim to a whole new set of addictions: iphoneism, crackberrying, textomania. Mobile technology has made 'connectivity' easier but has made the simple ability to sustain live and meaningful exchange more difficult. Don't get me wrong, I am a big fan of mobile technology. Day-to-day planning has become much easier and it's good to know that I can be reached if an emergency should arise. The question is how to balance those advantages against the somewhat trivial updates, emails and texts.

As an experiment, next time you're in a conversation, count how many times the 'ding' or blinking light of a mobile device interrupts the natural flow of that conversation. I recently did this and was a bit surprised by the sheer volume of interruptions and how each interruption is as if someone literally tapped your conversational counterpart on the shoulder.

Perhaps the answer is to occasionally treat time with family and friends like documentarians. Plan a deviceless brunch, enforce a no blackberry policy at dinner, share a coffee and tuck the iPhone away. The unencumbered face-to-face time might just allow you to really connect with the person in front of you and document the moments where they count, in your brain.

But please, whatever you do, don't forget to tweet about it! I'm sure your followers would love to hear how it went.

 

Follow Joseph Satto on Twitter: www.twitter.com/mysomeday

Comments

[MasterofPaco]

This is a very timely post, I've noticed the virtual tap on the shoulder becoming a lot more frequent. Thankfully the tone of most of the comments gives me some confidence that if I say something to my friends about putting the phone away at a crowded dinner, at least some people will agree with me.

As an aside, great website. I'm totally going to use it to learn to knit. A bunch of people on the site already did so and they have pretty interesting plans. I'm excited to finally put needle to yarn.

[EBR1818]

Technology can kill social and interpersonal relationships -- so true Joseph!

I like the idea of having a meal and leaving the phones at home. I have actually tried it before and am now I'm going to give it another shot.

[choczilla]

wow EBR1818, your comment is very provocative, but perhaps you should try getting off your blackberry while you are writing your posts.

[Ihaveyourchips]

For the last 2 months I have not taken my blackberry to the dinner table, whether at home or at a restaurant. I have noticed that the whole experience is much more enjoyable and memorable, and I can actually appear to be listening to my wife, which makes her very happy (Most of the time I do listen, im just kidding).

I find the idea of documenting a person's perspective on an event, a great way to learn and to do something different than our everyday electronic and mathematic­-intensive interaction. Some day, I will join Someday in order to be able to do my documenting!

[Suko Tahari]

Its good to finally see in words what I'm always thinking. I've been truly amazed that some people find it acceptable to sit with a phone at the table. You'd think that some of these people are making life and death decisions. Turns out it makes them feel special I guess and very rarely is it something important. I, for one, have committed to put my mobile away when I'm socializing. And as a fringe benefit, its always fun to see a pile of emails and phone calls when I take it out.

[Greta Tufvesson]

I couldn't agree more. This whole blackberry, iphone obsession is absurd. These days even a simple one on one lunch is impossible to get through without someone glancing down at their device. Thank you for this post. It should remind us all that when we are with people face to face it's REAL time together. Put your phone away.

[kevinshipping]

If only those who've committed toward sitting through a movie had the good manners to
restrain themselves from "critical interactions" on their mobile devices which are so
distractin­g/annoying to others in attendance. Wish I had the authority to "tax" offenders
interrupting my $13 experience­...

Right on to Joe's point re: importance of face-to-face communications.
thanKS

[choczilla]

I've had a blackberry for three years now, and of course, i am addicted. i use my blackberry first thing in the morning, i use it secretly, my personality changes when i use it, and it has begun to interfere with my personal life. all the telltale signs. i would like to kick the habit, bit i NEED it. or at least i thought i did - until recently i went on a trip to the caribbean and shut the sucker off for fear of excessive roaming charges. i was surprised how refreshing it was to be out of touch and think everyone would be well served to "disconnect" for a little while each day. that said, i think the real problem with modern culture is our collective ADD, which demands a constant flow of stimulus to sate our restless minds. makes me wonder what people did during the in between time while the pony express was galloping between expectant penpals. were they just accustomed to a lack of stimulus, or did they find something to fill their minds? or were they too busy building our civilization to care about the cultural flotsam that litters our stream of thought?

[abc123eja]

Incredibly true and poignant. I can't imagine being without my bberry but also feel i have lost touch with my close friends and they are just an avatar. I am going to have a mysomeday where i figure out how to disconnect from my bberry!

[meegwho]

I refused to get a blackberry for years because the thought of being tied to my email made my feel claustrophobic. I recently switched jobs and no longer sit in front of a computer all day so I got a iPhone. I love it! Maybe I'm constantly annoying everyone and being totally rude, but I feel so much more productive. As we speak, I'm watching a movie with my girlfriends AND reading huff post. Lighten up Joseph!

[SusanRoAne]

That face-to -face communication is vital and should preclude the digital distractions is undeniable. The example of a conversation with a Holocaust survivor underscores that importance in a manner that is palpable. Smart, sensitive people know what is appropriate behavior.
THANK YOU for driving home your point so beautifully.

Disclaimer: I wrote Face to Face: How To Reclaim The Personal Touch in a Digital World (Fireside).

[Margery Kempe]

I was at a nice restaurant the other day and this dude wore his bluetooth and answered not one, not two, but three total non-emergency and extended calls blabbing so loud the whole place could not but marvel how busy and desirable he was. The obnoxious ring tone was one that seemed to cry out--notice me-I have a Borg headset and am very hip!) His date (Yes-he had a date!) exclaimed "Oh! You so busy!" and got him his buffet food..even though he said not a passing word to her. I did not say anything, but in retrospect I think I should have done. At least I could have passed a note to his poor date that this was not typical (or acceptable) American male behavior and that she could do much better that this boar (and Bore!). What happened to basic manners!

[frenchtwist]

Yep, I recently went to the Tiffany exhibit in Paris and my companion looked at the exhibit for 3 minutes and spent the next 20 minutes waiting for me to finish enjoying the beautiful creations while she was parked in a corner mesmerized by her crackleberry device. I felt that Tiffany was insulted by this devotion to a modern bit of glass.