iPhone app iPad app Android phone app Android tablet app More

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors
Joseph Smigelski

Joseph Smigelski

Posted: May 28, 2010 11:23 AM

Why Can't Tiffany Write?

What's Your Reaction:

The answer is that she can't think. I have just given a writing assignment in my college class. My charges are to compose a response essay to something we have read. Inevitably, one of them -- I'll call her Tiffany -- asks a dumb question. I know we teachers are supposed to say that there is no such thing as a dumb question, but let's be realistic. "Mr. Smigelski, does my essay have to be five paragraphs long?" The tragedy illustrated by her query is that it actually is not dumb at all, considering the education Tiffany has received in our public schools. Her question, along with her complete lack of self-consciousness or embarrassment in asking it, goes a long way toward helping us understand why she can't write.

Students throughout grade school, middle school, and high school are taught to write the "five-paragraph essay." It is the cornerstone of most developmental writing textbooks I have seen. This is the drill, the formula, the mind-numbing process: In your first paragraph, Tiffany, you must state a thesis, the main idea that you will develop throughout the rest of your essay, and this thesis should be the last sentence in the paragraph. In your second, third, and fourth paragraphs, you must support your thesis with three components of evidence, examples, or illustrations -- one component per paragraph. And in your final paragraph, the fifth, you must present your conclusion, which is a restatement of your thesis in different words along with a little extra tag to give your reader something to ponder further.

Can any bit of instruction be more stilted, unimaginative, and soul-crushing? Don't actually counsel Tiffany on how to think out and articulate a problem or a story; just give her a freakin' formula that can be chalked up on a blackboard in five minutes. When she copies it down in her little notebook, consider the job done. No. The "five-paragraph essay" is an abomination that should be eradicated from every curriculum in the country. Real writers don't count their paragraphs! The next question Tiffany asks is "How many sentences should I put in a paragraph?" As if there is a correct answer to that question as well. Hasn't she ever opened a book, any book? How do you get to be 20 years old and not know that there can be any number of sentences in a paragraph?

Of course, this is indicative of a larger problem, one that permeates our whole society. One of my favorite writers, Harlan Ellison, tells a story about a young woman who was asked this question on a TV game show: "What actor, whose name begins with the letter S and who appeared in the movie Lawrence of Arabia, writes a bridge column in a newspaper?" The woman answered, "Naomi Campbell." Ellison rightly remarked that this answer is wrong in so many ways. There is no S in "Naomi Campbell." Ms. Campbell was not even born when Lawrence of Arabia was filmed. Tiffany, you are not alone. We have a real problem with education in this nation of ours, and it goes far beyond the prohibition to write more or less than five paragraphs in your essay.

As Professor of Anthropology James Lett pointed out twenty years ago in an excellent article titled "A Field Guide to Critical Thinking," people are taught in our schools what to think, not how to think. Why? Probably because it's easier. Robert Frost once wrote that he took the road less traveled, and that made all the difference. For us teachers to make a difference, we must stop taking the easy way out.

Uh-oh, Tiffany, I think this is my sixth paragraph. I am shunted back to the third grade. Sister Jean Matthew is approaching my desk rather quickly, and she is slapping a ruler against her palm. Do I have time to ... Ouch! The ruler hit my knuckles before I could press the Delete key. Mea culpa. Oh, that's right, Tiffany; you don't know what that means. It's Latin for "My bad." But who learns Latin anymore? It's a dead language, right? Just as dead in our public schools as is the art of teaching kids how to write.

 
 
 
The answer is that she can't think. I have just given a writing assignment in my college class. My charges are to compose a response essay to something we have read. Inevitably, one of them -- I'll ca...
The answer is that she can't think. I have just given a writing assignment in my college class. My charges are to compose a response essay to something we have read. Inevitably, one of them -- I'll ca...
 
 
  • Comments
  • 85
  • Pending Comments
  • 0
  • View FAQ
Comments are closed for this entry
View All
Favorites
Recency  | 
Popularity
Page: 1 2 3  Next ›  Last »  (3 total)
01:04 PM on 06/11/2010
seriously? let me get this straight: you're saying kids can't write well because they can't think well; in fact, you say that explicitly. but surely some kids can think just fine and still can't write well. what about primarily oral cultures who do very little writing--do you also think they can't think either. writing is a learned skill and it shapes our habits of thinking, but it does not follow that strong thinkers necessarily make for strong writers, or that strong writers necessarily make for strong thinkers. and much of this hinges on what you take thinking to be, which is something you have clearly thought very little about.
08:55 AM on 06/10/2010
As a college English teacher myself, I both agree and disagree. I agree that, ideally, every student should be allowed to explore their thinking and writing capacities in various ways. In the real world, the 5 paragraph essay, for many students, is the equivalent of a dissertation. They can barely write a couple of sentences. For many, this is the first attempt they are making to order their thinking. I work with developmental students and see the 5-paragraph abomination as one stepping stone to disciplined thought. I admire the teaching approach that writes "from the bones" and builds upon Peter Elbow's free wheeling stu;e. At the same time, I've watched multiple students go from a couple of sentences to a paragraph to a 5-paragraph essay to a truly effective, powerful argument essay of undetermined length in a good sequenced program. It's fun to bash the 5-paragrapher, but (alas) I think it serves a real (if humble) purpose.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
photo
12:33 PM on 06/05/2010
I'm an old guy (comparatively) returning to college after a long absence. Winter term I had to take WR121 to punch my ticket for an eventual engineering degree. I found later I could have challenge tested for the credit, but in retrospect I'm glad I didn't.

For one thing, my concerns about my future employment prospects as an older graduate were greatly alleviated. If my classmates were at all representative, then I should have no problem standing out. These kids could not read, much less write. "Letter from Birmingham Jail," or "On Civil Disobedience" were completely beyond their ability to even complete in a few days, much less comprehend. Several thought Swift's "A Modest Proposal," to be serious! The group readings were painful in the extreme, of 25 students, perhaps five would have coherent papers.

The instructor was very honest in my talks with him. He said that he simply didn't have time to teach these kids anything but the basic, crank it out formula. They need to at least be able to understand and use that formula before they can move on to more advanced writing. Math is a real slog for most of the time, but most calculus and above students will tell you that it becomes much more interesting once the basics are mastered. I believe the same to be true of writing.
photo
Euterpe360
I'm just a little bi-partisan
01:40 PM on 06/04/2010
I'm really fortunate. When I was little I didn't have a lot of interest in writing and was also stuck in the "5 paragraphs from hell" format.

My parents enrolled me in a private middle school after 5th grade. In the first tweek the teacher assigned an essay to the class, to which I asked (aloud to the class), "what's an essay?"

Fortunately, that teacher and several other really inspired English/writing teachers plus a philosophy degree has made me (and not to blow smoke up my ass) a really good writer.

I don't know how other students learn how to write to be honest. In undergraduate I did peer reviews in some classes and there are really smart students, especially in the hard sciences, who can't write to save their souls.

But I guess that's what you get when they stop teaching grammar and mechanics in 7th grade, amongst other crimes against students perpetrated by today's educational policies.
11:49 PM on 06/03/2010
It's entirely possible that you may be the first teacher that any of these students have ever had who has the ability to write anything but a five paragraph essay.

It's been ten years since I graduated college but, in my experience, the most egregious examples of "Tiffany-ism" came from students of the teacher's college and many of my Lit professors commented on this fact to me.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Michael Mann
Nuclear Educator
12:41 PM on 06/03/2010
As an adult instructor one of the first concepts I was taught was "WIIFM" What’s In It For Me? We are told that adults only retain what they perceive as important and helpful. I believe this is true for everyone, children included. Rote memorization does not serve to scaffold new idea to already assimilated knowledge, creating a natural WIIFM. Meaningful learning is necessary to produce the leaders and thinkers of the future. We need to give our students the tools to learn and process the information presented to them so they may achieve the goals they set for themselves. I attended a seminar at the Institute for Human & Machine Cognition for the purpose of learning about knowledge transfer and retention, it was there I met Dr. Novak and was introduced to concept mapping. Dr. Joe Novak author of "Learning, Creating, and Using Knowledge: Concept Maps as Facilitative Tools in Schools and Corporations" and the team at IHMC have developed a tool that can help our students and teachers. It is known as Concept Mapping and used correctly can drive someone to meaningful learning, help organize thoughts, ideas and concepts in a way that not only increases retention, but also fosters critical thinking, creativity and understanding. This is a powerful tool, additional information and a free download of Cmap Tools can be found at http://cmap.ihmc.us/conceptmap.html
HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
rlugbill
10:18 AM on 06/03/2010
OK, so you give your students a completely artificial assignment to write something for you. The purpose isn't really communication. The purpose is to get a good grade from you. You are the audience. And you already know the topic- you just are in it to evaluate the student's writing.

Do you see how this is a very different type of exercise than writing for a real purpose- to communicate with a friend, business associate, client, etc.? It's writing for the sake of a grade.

So, the motivation goes down because everyone knows it's all about the grade, not real communication. And the students ask you questions to figure out what you are looking for, so they can get a good grade. They are actually doing research about their audience so they can write more effectively.

I suggest you give your students real writing opportunities instead of artificial writing-grading opportunities. And help them perfect their writing, instead of just grading them. Then, you will see them come to life and learn to love writing, because writing is real communication.
photo
MyFatCat
I'm paid in catnip
07:16 PM on 06/06/2010
"My charges are to compose a response essay to something we have read."

I think you've missed the point. There is nothing artificial about writing a response to something 'we' have read.

I think the point is that 'Tiffany' very likely can't frame a responsive post to this article, because 'she' can't think critically about the content, her relationship to it, and why it matters. That means she can't figure out whether she should spend time on it, how much time she should spend on it, or what else she should do about it.

That is DEFINITELY a business skill requirement, to say nothing of a citizenship requirement. How is 'Tiffany' going to critically understand business proposals, political ideas, or the readings of her own faith if she can't evaluate the validity of the claims?
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
MBA is King
04:45 AM on 06/03/2010
This is a great article. The real failure happens when the child is in her or his first 5 years of life. That is why parents ought to enrol their infant kids into college for basic literacy. After a 4 year degree, your child can have a Bachelor of Infant Literacy. I suggest you all write to your elected representatives and make this law today.

www.mbaunderground.blogspot.com
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
reasonshouldrule
09:45 PM on 06/02/2010
Mr. Smigelski, as one who has taught writing at the university level, I was all ready to jump in with my firm opinion on what the problem is. And you stated it in your first sentence. "The answer is that she can't think." More important than structure, which should be determined by the topic and the audience, or grammar, which is the most easily corrected, is the ability to take a position and support it with evidence or state a fact and support it with explanatory information.

After spending too much time figuring out this problem, I finally started teaching critical thinking skills. The writing skills followed. Thank you for an excellent article.
06:13 PM on 06/02/2010
The five paragraph essay is ok if you are trying to teach someone how to write an essay. If they already know, it is stifling. The big problem is that many high schools never move beyond this. They never ask for more. 32 years ago I took English Comp 1 by correspondence my senior year in high school so I wouldn't be forced into the 5 paragraph format in college. This is not a new problem.

To the comment about what and how to think, when my oldest was in preschool I always answered her questions with a question of my own. This drove her nuts and she finally asked me why I did it. I told her, "When you get to school, they are going to try to teach you what to think. It's my job to teach you how." I still drove her nuts, but at least she knew why.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
7Vyse
04:24 PM on 06/02/2010
Even I, as a student, feel your pain.

Personally, if I were in your shoes, and this was a regular occurrence, I would have gotten up on my desk (or the next tallest object), thrown my hands up and said:

"Write whatever the f— you want to prove your point. Make it strong. Make it effective. Make it powerful. Prove to me you thought about this and can/will justify what's on paper. And if you didn't, fool me otherwise."

My opinion, and maybe I'm wrong: when the locks have been so tightly secured, the only solution is to blow them off completely.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
LaurenJill
09:43 AM on 06/02/2010
I thought all children were gifted.
GraceNotes
We live for books.
02:37 PM on 06/02/2010
Only in Minnesota.
06:13 PM on 06/02/2010
That's because of the PowderMilk biscuits.
07:35 AM on 06/02/2010
I am a University student who used to have huge problems with the formatting of essays in the States (you're right, they can seriously restrict creativity and the ability to express complex ideas in a short paper). After studying for a year in the French University system, however, I cannot wait to return back to the American-style essay. Despite the fact that in high school, we were forced to write a certain number of paragraphs and within that a certain number of sentences per paragraph, there's a lot of flexibility once you're righting college-level papers; this isn't true in France. I was lectured over and over about keeping "structural integrity" of the two part- two subpart essay... and there's something to be said for putting a thesis in your introductory paragraph. It also made me realize how important it is to have some systematic approach to writing papers, so you don't have to think about the format (it's instinctive) and can instead focus on the content. Even if you don't realize it, I'm sure you have your own approach to paper-writing that's the same basic structure every time... I don't think it means you're not thinking about what you're saying.

If you're so discouraged by the quality of writing in universities, maybe you should try teaching a course that you actually need a prerequisite for.
11:12 AM on 06/02/2010
I have to teach the courses that I am given by the administration. But there ARE prerequisites of a sort for the classes I teach. All students must take an assessment test. After that, they are placed in what someone determines is the appropriate writing class. (I think there are a lot of problems with this assessment process, but that's another story.) The students in my freshman composition classes have supposedly passed that assessment test, or have taken and passed a lower level developmental writing course, or have passed an AP (advanced placement) class in high school.

I have had students who handed in papers with dozens of grammatical errors who claimed to have passed AP English in high school. Others who have gone through the assessment process AND the lower level developmental course still come into freshman comp and make dozens of grammatical errors. The problem is really pervasive.

Another problem is grade inflation. I am as guilty of that, I admit, as every other teacher I know of. If I graded the students according to my standards of what good writing should look like, many of them would not pass. But then I hear that some other teachers give out A's as if they were candy. I don't give out candy A's, but I must admit I do give out too many mercy C's. I admit that I am in quite a quandary.
04:36 PM on 06/02/2010
I’ve heard (or made) the same complaints about student writing, just as our predecessors have for a century. Now, students' nimble thumbs communicate (more or less) with the world in a matter of seconds, but their teachers still complain they can't write. I've been teaching writing for a long, long time, but teaching writing is like doing housework--it's never really done.

I eventually realized the five-paragraph essay has value. To students who cannot see structure in what they read, the five-paragraph model places structure within their grasp. I see my job as, in part, guiding students to write in other structures, including the structure of research articles in approachable areas (like effectiveness of herbal supplements). I show them how the structure follows what the scientists say is their thought process.

I appreciate Krista's observation, because it holds true for students learning another language: they can find themselves comparing that grammar to their own and discovering more about both. But I would caution teachers and readers of student writing: the relationship between "good" grammar and "good" writing is more complicated than whether or not a student can identify an adverb. Metaphorically speaking, this is where the issue of critical thinking becomes molecular. Separated from the content-thinking that produces sentences, teaching students to diagram a sentence is like teaching them how to work a Sudoku puzzle. The skill they learn is amusing, but it doesn't teach them any more about writing than Sudoku teaches about higher mathematics.
08:02 PM on 06/01/2010
I think the author is being too generous when he says, "Students throughout grade school, middle school, and high school are taught to write the 'five-paragraph essay'." I went through what was considered an average or even good school system and my teachers in the ninth grade were still trying to teach several of my classmates basic English grammar they should have been taught long ago. I really do mean basic. Nouns, verbs, adjectives, ect. Lacking these fundamentals at the beginning of high school, I'm actually surprised so many are able to construct the 5 paragraph essay by the time they enter the university.

Though I wish they wouldn’t, I understand why many teachers drill the 5 paragraph essay into their students. It’s much easier than trying to explain that most good (student) essays should contain three main points in the body, but not necessarily adhere to a strict formula. Especially when these teachers are struggling to simply get their students to write grammatically correct sentences.
10:30 PM on 06/01/2010
Many students enter my community college classes without knowing what the "subject" of a sentence is. They also don't know the difference between an "adjective" and an "adverb." Many tell me that they had never heard of a "sentence fragment" or a "run-on sentence" until I mentioned them. What the heck ARE they learning in their middle school and high school classes? Then again, perhaps these students were habitual truants and skipped weeks, perhaps months, of their classes and just weren't present in the classroom when these concepts were discussed.
11:46 AM on 06/02/2010
This is because they teach these things in elementary school. By the time a student reaches high school or college, these things are long forgotten. I know because it happened to me. Now, I never had a run on sentence or a fragment; however, I had a hard time remembering what all those terms were called. Our educational system is lacking. It seems if the subject or topic has been covered at one point during the curriculum there is no need to repeat the topic again. It's like they think, "I taught you grammar when you were in the fifith grade so you must retain it forever and I am not wasting another dime covering it again." This is the reason I must sit endless days in college listening to professors go over things that should not have to be discussed.
09:53 PM on 06/03/2010
This is what happens when you teach kids how to pass the state examination tests rather than the basics fundamentals. The teachers are in a bind because if they are not covering subjects by the week, or fall behind, they may lose their jobs. Even if the kids does not grasp the subject, they have to move on. Let teachers teach!
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Michael Mann
Nuclear Educator
08:52 AM on 06/01/2010
This is a symptom of an even deeper more fundamental problem of our education system, which drives toward rote memorization and away from meaningful learning. It is predicated on a false premise that the mind is an empty vessel, it's the instructor’s job to fill that vessel with the appropriate knowledge. This inherently false statement is the foundation of education in this country. The reality is that learners use what they already know as a foundation to build knowledge as new information is experienced. We need to teach our students how to learn and think critically. Dr. Joe Novak of Cornell developed concept mapping as a teaching tool, it has been refined with Cmap Tools software at the IHMC and may help correct this fundamental problem. It can be downloaded for free at http://cmap.ihmc.us/conceptmap.html