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We'll Never Be Rested: What if Parents Rewrote the Lyrics to 'Royals'?

12/04/2013 01:44 pm ET | Updated Feb 03, 2014
  • Josh Stearns Director, Journalism and Sustainability at the Geraldine R. Dodge Foundation

This goes out to parents everywhere who find themselves humming "Royals" at 3 a.m. while they rock their kids back to sleep... (Here is the instrumental version so you can sing along, karaoke-style).

Rested
Lyrics by Josh Stearns and Erica Carlson

I never set my alarm clock anymore
I wake up before the dawn, I get up early
And I'm not proud of my outfit
It's 3 a.m.
And the baby's screaming

And every minute's like diapers, Thomas, splashin' in the bathtub
Juice stains, snack traps, screamin' in the minivan
They don't care, we can't remember the last time we dreamed
But everybody's like swaddles, white noise, sleeping with your baby
Warm milk, rocking, let them cry it out now
We don't care, we haven't slept in a couple years.

We'll never be rested (rested)
Now that we have kids
That kind of luxe just ain't for us
We gotta find a different kind of buzz
I drink my coffee (coffee), you can call me sleepy,
And baby I'll sleep (I'll sleep, I'll sleep, I'll sleep)
Let me live that fantasy.

My friends say that they have cracked the code
They sleep in to 8 a.m., and go to parties
And everyone who knows us knows, that were losing it
We look like zombies.

And every minute's like diapers, Thomas, splashin' in the bathtub,
Juice stains, snack traps, screamin' in the minivan,
They don't care, we can't remember the last time we dreamed
But everybody's like swaddles, white noise, sleeping with your baby
Warm milk, rocking, let them cry it out now
We don't care, we haven't slept in a couple years.

We'll never be rested (rested)
Now that we have kids
That kind of luxe just ain't for us
We gotta find a different kind of buzz
I drink my coffee (coffee), you can call me sleepy,
And baby I'll sleep (I'll sleep, I'll sleep, I'll sleep)
Let me live that fantasy.

(Ooh ooh oh)
Our kids have so much energy
They're runnin' circles around me
(Ooh ooh oh)
So you're sleeping without a care
We aren't caught up in your love affair

We'll never be rested (rested)
Now that we have kids
That kind of luxe just ain't for us
We gotta find a different kind of buzz
I drink my coffee (coffee), you can call me sleepy,
And baby I'll sleep (I'll sleep, I'll sleep, I'll sleep)
Let me live that fantasy.

....

Inspired by this terrific rewrite of "Royals" in the voice of a newspaper curmudgeon by Adrienne LaFrance, with audio from Aaron Edwards. Actual song and lyrics here.