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Don't Take Away Lindsay's Pills! (All at Once, That Is)

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Well, it happened. We finally, FINALLY got an authentic peek inside Lindsay Lohan's medicine cabinet. Conjecture can end, and based on the medication list -- Zoloft, trazodone, Adderall, and Dilaudid, I can officially welcome her into the Pill Head club without a libel suit. Truth be told, there's still an addict part of me that's seething with jealousy about her sanctioned prescriptions. Her insurance company, if she has one, is most likely paying for her to get high. And so far, the authorities involved in her legal proceedings haven't done anything about it.

Something tells me this isn't going to last though. There's been enough of a media outcry to attract the attention of someone, somewhere, who is going to examine who exactly is writing her 'scripts. There's no way that wisdom teeth removal requires a painkiller as strong as Dilaudid. You're lucky these days if you can even score a refill for Vicodin or Percocet at the dentist. If you're unfamiliar with Dilaudid, consider this -- in the movie Drugstore Cowboy, it's the ultimate score in junkies' pharmacy heists. Everything else behind the counter, with the exception of morphine, pales in comparison. And when you take Dilaudid, or any opioid, with Adderall, it acts as a speedball, no different than taking coke and heroin together. A doctor once told me that in terms of its effect on your heart, it's like two trains heading at top speed towards each other on the same track.

So, say the authorities finally get their act together, look into these prescriptions, and decide that they aren't warranted after all. My biggest fear for Lindsay is that the drugs get taken away immediately. This is a terrible, and dangerous idea. If what she said is true, that she's been on these pills "as long as I can remember," then she is in for one hell of nasty withdrawal process. I'm talking Trainspotting-style -- the shakes, shitting, and dead baby hallucinations. She needs to be slowly and carefully weaned off of painkillers, maybe even with some Suboxone (essentially, methadone for pill heads) to help ease the horrors. I sincerely hope that whoever is in charge of her well-being takes this into consideration, because at this point, if I were her, I'd be way more scared of the comedown than jail.

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