The other day I heard a crazy rumor about the olden days. According to this anonymous source of mine, there was once a time where single women actually considered the bar a practical spot for finding a potential relationship.
This rumor all seemed so strange to me. I know I may sound biased as an online dating specialist, but between Match.Com, OkCupid and everybody's favorite, Farmers Only, why would any woman even entertain the notion of interacting face-to-face with a man at a bar?
This is 2014. Bars are where women go to have some drinks with their friends as they multi-task and interact with their latest matches on a screen. Engaging with another man face-to-face would only cut into their left swipe per hour ratio. Its hard to say I could really blame these women. After all, as women have been almost unanimously informing me for over a decade now, "There are no good guys at bars."
But wait a second. I've been going to bars my entire life. So have all my friends, and their friends, and their friends. So have my married friends and coworkers. In fact, I'm pretty sure most of our parents have been going to bars their whole life too. Are we all just bad people? I'm not sure how I'm going to break this news to all my former coworkers and their beautiful families.
Perhaps these women are all right though. Perhaps all the good guys avoid bars and save themselves for bathroom mirror selfies on Plenty of Fish, or feel way sexier winking in the cyber world of Match.Com than across from the cute girl at a bar. Or perhaps the statement that there are no good guys in bars is an extreme generalization and false notion that has been relentlessly perpetuated for years on end and finally needs to be put to rest.
Good guys go to bars all the time. Some of the nicest men I've ever known frequent bars at least once every two weeks. They socialize, have a few drinks, and hope to potentially meet someone special. Getting laid for a one night stand is the farthest thought in their minds.
Yet as I sat in a bar with a few friends the other day, I overheard three women venting about not being able to find a decent man. As they continued to wallow in their misery, all they had to do was look up and they would have seen multiple great guys sitting right next to me who were all good looking, successful and extremely nice men looking for relationships. But they didn't look around. Why would they? "There are no good men at bars."
I can all but guarantee there are countless nice guys with relationship potential at bars every single day, in every city, in every state. Maybe not at Billy Bob's local saloon where you can indulge in 50 cent draft beers and a free neon condom with every purchase. I'm talking about respectable bars that ordinary professionals frequent to kick back and have a few drinks.
The real problem isn't that there are no good guys at bars. The problem is that the creeps tend to be the only ones that approach women at bars. Creeps tend to have no fear. No shame. No worries. If they don't get laid with their creepy or manipulative approach, they'll find someone else to hit on and call names after they get rejected.
The nice guys tend to think more. They tend to have more respect for a woman's right to not be interrupted by a man while she is trying to hang out with her friends. They tend to overanalyze and fear rejection more.
So here's my solution for revolutionizing the bar scene forever and dramatically increasing the amount of relationships formed face to face. Creeps tend to approach a lot at bars. Good guys don't. All you need to do is flip the script upside down. If you want to find a great guy then become the hunter. Spot out the good guys that are just politely hanging out with friends. Approach with a smile and strike up a conversation. You will be amazed at how receptive and flattered these men usually are when a nice woman approaches.
Try it out a couple times and see what happens. At the end of the day, if there are no good guys at bars, then there an awful amount of horrible people roaming this earth in disguise.
Joshua Pompey has been helping online daters at a success rate of over 99% since 2009. For more information on how you could change your love life, learn 6 reasons you aren't attracting a quality man online. Or click here for some emailing advice and articles.