THE BLOG
06/06/2014 12:45 pm ET Updated Aug 06, 2014

Has Online Dating Turned Me Into a Bad Person? Confessions of a Professional Online Dater

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At the risk of sounding arrogant, for the past five years there has been no shortage of women in my life. On any given night, you will find me in the company of at least one amazing woman. Not just any women. The type of beautiful women that other men look at in envy. All thanks to online dating.

Online dating has provided me with access to a lifestyle that was once only obtainable by men of superior looks and stature. Stick me in a bar to meet women and I'm likely to freeze up and falter. But in the online world, I'm a god amongst men. Like a well-oiled machine, I repeat the same mindless process week after week, and then reap the same amazing rewards. Email, text, meet up, rinse, recycle, repeat. My formula doesn't fail.

To many male readers out there, this must sound like a dream come true. And for the most part, I do love my life. But just as often, I find myself torn in the other direction, wondering what I've become. Wondering what online dating has turned me into.

With each date I go on, I feel myself becoming more superficial, more judgmental, and completely unrealistic with my expectations.

She's too sweet. Not sweet enough. Too boring. Too energetic. Too old. Too young. Too ready for a relationship. Too immature for a relationship.

No woman ever measures up to my impossible standards. But I never used to be this way. Once upon a time, I didn't have unlimited options, nor was I good with women prior to online dating. Online dating gave me a medium to practice and harness my skills with women behind a computer screen that I never would have had elsewhere.

Years ago I would have killed to have even one option, let alone unlimited options. I was beyond grateful if a woman would even talk to me. Internal and external flaws didn't bother me as long as the girl was nice. All I wanted was a girlfriend. All I needed was a girlfriend. All I craved was a girlfriend.

But now I live in a completely different era. How could I crave a girlfriend, when every time I go on a date, I know I have a minimum of twenty five messages waiting for me on my phone?

The time when I appreciated women for both their perfections and imperfections is long gone. Now I notice every flaw. I am the definition of a serial dater. In a world of unlimited options, there is no longer room for imperfection. Not perfect? Sorry. You blew it. The next girl could be. Next!

But perhaps worst of all are the women I do click with. We go on a few dates and they are amazing. But without fail, I find an excuse. A reason to move on to the next girl.

I unintentionally hurt women that I don't want to hurt. I'm careless with emotions. I want to be a good person, but my actions sometimes say otherwise. Online dating just makes it all to easy to be reckless in ways that I never would be with a woman I met through friends, work, or family.

Sometimes I even convince myself that I've finally changed and found a woman that I will give up my serial dating lifestyle for. I tell myself I'm finally over the addiction. I'm done with the compulsion to check my email ten times a day. The rush of seeing my inbox light up. The excitement of kissing someone new for the first time.

But then there are other times where I think to myself, what is wrong with living a life that is so exciting? I get to meet new and interesting people nearly every day of my life as my married friends sit on the couch in boredom. There is always something fun to do. Always that next big rush around the corner. And truth be told, I'm even honest about my intentions with any woman that I spend more than one date with. I can't control if they choose to think they will win me over.

Is "love" that I often see fade in couples after two years worth giving up endless excitement for? While marriage is great for some people, I'm not sure marriage and kids can ever keep me from feeling as if I am coasting through a life of monotony, living exactly how society dictates I should be living. Perhaps in a more rational world, all of society would have the fun I'm having, and married, monogamous people, would be considered the freaks.

So the question is, has online dating turned me into a horrible person? Am I a flawed, immoral, judgmental pig, who just refuses to grow up, or am I living my life in a manner that makes me truly happy, despite some of the imperfections I may have? I'll let you all be the judge.

Joshua Pompey has been providing online dating advice to men and women all over the world since 2009 at a success rate of over ninety nine percent. To learn more about how Joshua Pompey can change your online dating life, including providing a free profile evaluation, men click here now, and women click
here
.

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