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Joshua Pompey

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25 Reasonable Qualities I'm Looking For in Women: Confessions of a Professional Online Dater

Posted: 11/27/2012 6:35 pm

Lately, I've been thinking about the type of woman that I want to end up with one day. I think I pretty much have it nailed down completely.

After a life time of pondering my dream woman, I've decided that she must be exactly five foot ten, should have piercing blue eyes, long dark hair that flows beautifully and the body of a super model. Her favorite color must be blue, and finally, she simply must be the world's most gifted woman behind closed doors. No exceptions.

Okay, so maybe I sound a little bit delusional. But as crazy as that sounds, it isn't very far off from the absurd and never-ending checklists that many single women seem to have with the men they date.

If I had a dollar for every woman who was five foot five or shorter that told me she would only date men taller than six feet, I'd be a very rich man. And don't even get me started on all the other absurd requirements I have heard over the years.

Well, I'm here today to get real. While the above depiction of my dream girl was clearly an absurd and hyperbolic exaggeration created to emphasize the lunacy that takes place in the mind of many single people, I do indeed have reasonable expectations of what I am looking for in a woman.

As a male who refuses to settle for just any nice girl, here are 25 reasonable and realistic things that I am looking for when first getting to know someone. The question is, am I just crazy?

1. When we meet for a first date, skip the handshake.
Business partners and co-workers shake hands. I am neither. So don't treat the date like we are about to conduct a meeting. Unless you are completely repulsed by the thought of even touching me upon first glance, let's keep things on a date level.

2. This is not an interview.
Randomly switching topics throughout a date as if you are conducting an interview is the lowest form of date conversation. Some women march into dates as if they are on an agenda to assess every aspect of your life in thirty minutes flat. You are not Barbara Walters, and I am not atoning for my sins. Let the conversation evolve naturally and the important qualities you are looking for will come out over time.

3. Don't be a brick wall with your emotions.
If you are interested in me, let me know. flirt with your eyes a little bit. Touch me on the arm when engaging in conversation. If you are into me, make the effort to show it.

4. Reach for your wallet.
Let's just say I'm not exactly old school in this regard. When women offer to pay for the first round of drinks or insist on paying for the second round, this instantly ups my interest. No, it is not because I am a bum that wants a sugar momma to take care of me and pay my car bills. It has absolutely nothing to do with money, and I will almost always refuse to take it. It's the gesture that I love. This reveals to me that I am with a woman who is kind, generous and not in the slightest bit selfish. More importantly, I know that these qualities will likely carry over into all aspects of our future relationship, not just monetarily.

5. Listen to me when I speak.
There is nothing worse than a date that just talks over you, without registering anything that is being said in her direction. Many single women are guilty of this terrible habit without even realizing it. The frustrating part is that many of these women are genuinely sweet and nice people. But I am on a date to have a great time, not to be ignored. If I felt like being talked at for two hours, I'd be having drinks with my grandmother.

6. Show your femininity.
At the end of the day, men are visual creatures. Women are beautiful by nature. Take advantage of this. Take the time to highlight all those beautiful features you have. Leave me thinking about how great you looked long after the date is over.

7. Let me know that you can hang with the boys.
This is a huge one. If there is one thing men are immature about, it's worrying about what our friends think of our girlfriends. Nobody wants to be the guy whose friends make fun of him behind his back about how lame his girlfriend is. Most men are babies when it comes to worrying what our friends think of us. So show me both appearance and personality-wise that I can feel comfortable bringing you around my friends.

8. Bring something unique to the table.
First dates can be so monotonous after a while. I want to learn something about you that separates yourself from everyone else. Show me your secret talents, tell me a crazy story from your childhood, share a secret. Anything that breaks the monotony of a typical first date is always a good thing.

9. Don't brag to me about all your accomplishments.
Nothing impresses me more than an accomplished woman. This is incredibly sexy. But let this information come out naturally. Don't sit there the whole date listing all the great things you've done at inopportune times. This only makes me think they you are self-absorbed and way too eager to prove yourself.

10. Laugh at my jokes.
Every man pictures himself as the funniest man alive. Well, maybe that's just me. Regardless, there is no better feeling than making a beautiful woman laugh. I want to feel as if you are having a good time, so don't hold back (but don't force it, either).

11. Show a willingness to try new things.
The number one fear of entering a long-term, monogamous relationship is the inevitable boredom that will one day arrive. Ease my fear of this happening by showing a willingness to try new hobbies and develop new interests. Women who are content with their week to week routines are boring, and will only become more boring as the years go by.

12. Let me know that your life isn't all about work.
Work should be a big part of your life, but not the only part. So many women I have encountered in NYC live the exact same life: Work, gym, dinner, drinks with friends, bed, rinse, recycle, repeat. Having a great career is sexy. Having nothing but a great career is not sexy.

13. Bring the enthusiasm.
This should be an obvious one, but, if you're into me, show you're excited to be on the date. I'm not looking to feel as if I'm your third date this week on your endless serial dating quest to find the perfect man. Emotions are highly contagious. Acting excited before and during the date will make me excited as well about the moment and the future.

14. Don't even think about touching that phone.
If you are going to text during the date or pick up a phone call, see ya later. One text message is permitted for online daters who have a friend that is checking to make sure they are safe. But anything more than that is not cool unless it is an emergency.

15. Confidence is key.
Self-confidence is extremely attractive. Women with high self-confidence give off vibes that they have something special going on, and I want to find out what that is.

16. Show me your passion in life.
What makes you different from every other pretty face out there? A passion can be something completely original and exciting or something as simple as raising a great family. Regardless, I want to know that you are passionate about something, and hopefully, something that I could take part in as well.

17. Check your political correctness at the door.
As a society, I am of the opinion that this country is much too sensitive. Allow me to be myself. If I am clearly making an innocent joke that is not intended to hurt someone's feelings, then spare me the self-righteous lectures. My mom will be glad to fill in for you.

18. Make me a priority.
Eventually, I want my significant other to reach an age where friends are not her number one priority every weekend. This doesn't mean she shouldn't make time for them. But there needs to be a balance. True friends will understand.

19. Allow me to feel like a man.
Some women refuse to let a man take charge. They insist on a time, place and meeting spot for the first date, followed by calling all the shots during the date. While I do want a fair and balanced relationship, when a woman calls all the shots from the get-go, I assume she is high-maintenance.

20. Let's see each other on weekends.
Trying to hang out with you shouldn't be an event that must be planned three weeks in advance. I want to date a woman who I know is serious about dating. Yes, events and obligations come up, but if it reaches an extent where I have to wait weeks to hang out with you, you aren't worth my time.

21. No talking about ex's.
I don't need to know anything about your ex on a first date. Enough Said.

22. Tell me we should do this again some time.
If you had a great time on the first date, say so. I'm not 16 years old, and I don't need to gossip with my friends, analyzing details of the date, wondering if you really liked me. If you want to hang out again sometime, don't be shy about letting me know that you are interested in hanging out again sometime.

23. Ease up on planning our whole future.
There is a difference between saying let's go out on a second date and planning our whole future together. It's okay to like me. It's not okay to suggest a whole list of twenty different future dates we should go on in the future. I may be into you, but if I feel too much pressure early on, I will run.

24. Start reaching out to me.
Once I ask a woman out for a second date, I want her to reach out to me once in a while to say hi. Don't overdo it, but its nice to have some affections returned. I don't want to always feel as if I am chasing, because eventually, I will stop.

25. Chemistry.
At the end of the day, this may be the most important quality I am looking for. Chemistry can't be learned, it can only be felt. Without chemistry, every quality above is irrelevant. With that said, chemistry combined with the other 24 qualities, and I might just be begging for that hand in marriage.

There you have it, 25 reasonable qualities that I, and what I believe most men, are looking for in a woman. The question is, are you out there?

Joshua Pompey currently provides online dating advice for men around the world. Click here for more free online dating tips, including some free advice on how to attract women online.

 

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