Well, the Season of Krampus has come to an end, and I've shelved my traditional gargoyle masks and prosthetic cloven hooves for one more year. 2007 is upon us, and contemplating the future, I've resolved to spend more time on the internet. You know, find out what the kids are all talking about. Why not start with YouTube? I hear it's the future. If so, the future is mostly nonsense. This I discovered about 6 months ago, when I was assigned to write a piece about this whole video sharing thing, and after about an of hour poking around I realized that the peer-based rating system means that what rises to the top is mostly the crappiest. It's like a Top 40 of home video. Sure, I get my aunt's CRAZY!!! forwards :}, and whatever else is making the rounds, but to venture off the beaten path and find anything interesting takes digging. Still I can't help it. In August, I spent half a day watching pandas playing in the snow. This is my latest fascination:
The Great Communicator
Here's what I don't understand: why doesn't Arnold go back in time and kill the cameraman who shot this footage?
C'mon buddy, you've got an image to burnish. You can't be both a bad-ass and the ambassador of amore all wrapped up in a governing Kennedy package. OK, scratch that. One thing's settled, though: having now seen the leering, partying Arnold blowing off some steam at Carnevale in the seventies, it is clear that the Kindergarten Cop never, ever groped or otherwise fondled, caressed, goosed, diddled or laid an unwanted Vienna sausage on any of those women back in the day. He was only communicating with them. Just the kind of misunderstanding he was trying to avoid by making this instructional video. I'm surprised it wasn't sponsored by UNIFEM, with cross-cultural insights like: "After watching the mulattoes shake it, I can absolutely understand why Brazil is totally devoted to my favorite body part: the ass." He even learns about the food, sharing his longstanding cultural interest in carrot fellatio.