An Excerpt From When You Need A Lift

Excerpted from Joy's new book When You Need a Lift: But Don't Want to Eat Chocolate, Pay a Shrink, or Drink a Bottle of Gin:

Just reading the front page of the newspaper these days is enough to put even the relentlessly cheerful von Trapp family into a serious state of melancholy. Maybe the world has always been riddled with disasters and misery, but that doesn't mean that I can't enjoy a double mocha latte with whipped cream. Too fattening, you say. I agree.

It's getting more and more difficult to eat my way out of my mood swings. When I was a child, my mother would get into a funk over things that I didn't understand, but I noticed that she
could always snap herself out of it by putting on an aria from Madama Butterfly. The next thing I knew, she'd be singing along and having a wonderful time, even though she was crying for poor Butterfly. It was her way of cheering herself up. I realized then that it was up to me to monitor
my ups and downs, and her opera collection.

These days, when the doldrums hit, I head for a department store. I find that loitering near the handbags has a calming effect on me. The smell of a Gucci bag is like a trip to Siena in June.

My second-favorite mood elevator is a manicure and pedicure, with a neck massage thrown in. Lately, I've discovered that the little nail salons that are popping up all over the city where I live offer a reflexology treatment between pedicures. I think I'll just move into one these shops.

If all else fails, I get on the phone with my girlfriends and start marathon blabbing. After two or three hours of nonstop analysis of our issues, I feel completely liberated from any threat of the blues.

In the spirit of group participation, I've asked a hundred and one of my friends, associates, and role models what they do when they're feeling down. I'm happy to say that their responses have been as varied and helpful as they have been interesting and original.

This is not a "how-to" book. I don't like how-to books. Just because Dr. So-and-So does it one way does not mean that I'm going to want to do it that way. I like to get a variety of answers on the big questions in life. Sigmund Freud was smart and probably right about a lot of things, but "penis envy"? I don't think so.

So, when you're in the doldrums and a hot fudge sundae isn't doing it for you, check out this book. Not everyone's ideas will appeal to you. If repeating a mantra makes you anxious, don't meditate. Personally, I find fishing tedious, but if that's your hook, go for it. And by all means, stay away from anything that Sylvia Plath wrote.

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Find more mood elevators in Joy Behar's When You Need A Life: But Don't Want To Eat Chocolate, Pay A Shrink, Or Drink A Bottle Of Gin.

Comments

[DeafMom]

A book that recommends shopping therapy and chocolate? I'll be reading it!

[speakoutamerica]

I have enjoyed Behar's humor for years-she is always edgy, fresh and punchy in her statements. She makes you think, shares her life in a multitude of ways and is not afraid to speak her mind. Joy is the one person that keeps me watching the View these days. I love the segments with M Cantone (comedian). Hysterical. Love Whoopi but you can tell she has a semi muzzle on as a newby.
I enjoy when Barbara W at times comes out of her 'staunch' skin zone and 'gets real' with topics, otherwise I find her boring in trying to 'play mother-may-I- role' which makes everyone on the View panel nervous that what they say may not be 'acceptable'.
I really miss Rosie on the View and with her absence, Im not so keen on tuning in everyday as I was in the past.
Sheri is fun loving and good comedian. Elizabeth just is Elizabeth-I cannot come up with an excuse for her being important on the panel outside of fashion issues (not my style) and her being pregnant for ratings. Sorry. She is probably a great mom, she is pretty & trendy but I dont see her talent or charisma as a panel member of the View.

Lisa Ling was phenomenal as a younger member of the panel years ago-I miss her on the View. Bright, smart, quick witted with an eye on the future of our world enviornmentally. Lisa did alot of great work for National Geographic as a researcher and reporter. Smart, savvy and a person of 'real substance' that wants to work for good change worldwide. I think she should be invited back to the show for an update.

Just my thoughts. Joy is one of the 'girlfriends'. She is a woman's woman and tells it like it is-truthful and real..even when it stings-. Love & thanks to Joy for her humor. No one will ever be able to stick a sock or two in Joy's mouth- that is why I love her spirit and talent.

[Izadora]

To rcampbell. At The View she makes over
5 million. Before the view she used to make
(when she finds work) less than 1 thousand
a week, though. This is the first time
which she has a decent and ease job. She's
a lucky woman that she finds Barbara!
And she's aware that. Believe me!!!!!

PS. pardon my English 2nd language.

[suki21693]

Over 5 million a year? If that is true then I finally understand why she has put up with being in the middle of this circus of idiots all these years.

[peanut]

Joy, I am certain, that there are days on "The View" when you are some viewer(s)' LIFT! Good luck with the book. I enjoyed your interview with Larry King. I totally agree with you about ignoring someone who puts you down. Confrontation most times just fuels the flames and solves nothing. But, by showing the confronting person, that you could care never about his/her opinion by ignoring that person, "speaks" volumes in a non-verbal way. While you were "diplomatic" about certain issues and some members of the cast, an astute listener could make his/her own observations about the nature of matters.
I am sorry to say that I haven't watched the show since before Meredith and Starr left. Besides, I find Elizabeth quite annoying and have so even before her "lovefest" with the Bush junta.
I must say when I first read the title of your book, I thought it was another confessional about a celebrity having a face lift. LOL. And, as a matter of fact, I did have a facelift to give my self a LIFT. Best thing I ever did. Thanks, Joy for many laughs.

[Mutineer]

I agree with everyone else. Joy is the best thing about the View. And she does it without holding a neon sign over her head that says "Look At Me."

[Qbear]

The Sylvia Plath reference gave me a laugh, thanks Joy.

[meandmagoo]

Somebody please give Joy her own show!

[chocco]

I like you, Joy. So sorry you have to put up with the likes of Elizabeth and Sherry. You are waaaaaay
too smart and funny to be at a table with those two.
Have you ever considered getting your OWN daytime talk show? You should. You would have legions of fans.

[ParadiseDiva]

Dittos all around.

And, to meandmagoo's post below: Yes, someone....please do !

[readyforchange]

I think Joy Behar is the greatest...VERY funny, intelligent, witty, down-to-earth. I love her political opinions. She adds a huge touch of class to The View.

You go, girl. Best of luck with your book.

[dahpunkster]

i will definitely pick up your book and see what i think of it.. also my fav pick me up is starbucks caramel machiatto... it is very bad for me... but i exercise quite a lot so who cares :)

[dahpunkster]

this put me in an even better mood .. its very light , and funny in a dry sorta way that I like. I don't like self help books very much.the people writing them never write one that are geared to a person like me.Two I would rather rather laugh at myself than feel sorry for myself.. that is just who my daddy raised me to be..

[Izadora]

I don't like to be the first blog but I'd
like to say that Joy B is very funny woman
and I always appreciate her. Everybody left
THE VIEW and she still there! Fortunately was
the view that brought her fame and lots of $!
She was poor before the view, wasn't she?
Good luck Joy and never change...we like the
way you are! Momma B and daddy B are very good
to you. Remember:..."never bite the hand that
feeds you!"

[rcampbell]

Izadora, I agree with you that Joy is a joy to see and hear. But, a correction here is appropriate. To my understanding, Joy was not poor prior to The View. She has an on-going successful career as a stand-up comedian/emcee/corporate speaker going back 20 years. She started in comedy relatively later in her life after spending some years as a high school teacher.

[bdl0715]

Joy's the last remaining The View host that still has some class.