To pin down your style of how you relate emotionally, it's important to know your emotional type. This is the filter through which you see the world, the default setting of your personality that you revert to, especially during stress. It represents your basic tendencies. You can build on these by making the most of your best traits and adopting traits from the other types that appeal to you.
In my book, "Emotional Freedom" I discuss four main emotional types that I've observed in my psychiatric practice. See which one you identify with the most, though you may also identify with aspects of the others. Knowing your type can provide insight into how you interact with others and also will help you master your emotions instead of simply reacting when your buttons get pushed. Dealing with emotions effectively isn't stuffing them away or feeling them less. It's about establishing balance, strengthening those areas where you're most vulnerable and maximizing your assets.
Which emotional type are you?
Type #1. The Intellectual: Intense Thinker
Intellectuals are bright, articulate, incisive analysts who are most comfortable in the mind. The world is powerfully filtered through rational thought. Known for keeping their cool in heated situations, they often struggle with emotions, don't trust their guts, are slow to engage in anything light-hearted, sensual, or playful.
Are you an intellectual?
Do you believe that you can think your way to any solution? When presented with a problem, do you immediately start analyzing the pros and cons rather than noticing how it makes you feel? Do you prefer planning to being spontaneous? Does your overactive mind prevent you from falling asleep?
If so, try this:
Type #2. The Empath: Emotional Sponge
Empaths are highly sensitive, loving and supportive. They are finely tuned instruments when it comes to emotions and tend to feel everything, sometimes to an extreme.
Are you an empath?
Have you been called "too emotional" or "overly sensitive"? If a friend is upset do you start feeling it too? Do you replenish your energy by being alone and tend to get exhausted in crowds? Are you sensitive to noise, smells and excessive talking?
If so, try this:
Type #3. The Rock: Strong and Silent Type
Consistent, dependable and stable, they will always show up for you. You can express emotions freely around them -- they won't get upset or judge. But they often have a hard time expressing their own feelings, and their mates are always trying to get them to express emotions.
Are you a rock?
Is it easier for you to listen than to share your feelings? Do you often feel like you are the most dependable person in the room? Are you generally satisfied with the status quo in relationships (though others try to draw you out emotionally)?
If so, try this:
Type #4. The Gusher: Attuned to Emotions
Gushers are in touch with their emotions and love to share them. No one has to wonder where they're at. Gushers are able to quickly process negativity and move on. Their downside is that they tend to share "too much information" and over-sharing can burn people out.
Are you a gusher?
Do you get anxious if you keep your feelings in? When a problem arises is your first impulse to pick up the phone and share? Do you have trouble sensing other people's emotional boundaries?
If so, try this:
The most important relationship you'll ever have is with yourself. If this is good, you'll be able to have wonderful relationships with others. Knowing your emotional type provides a platform to emotionally evolve and to become a truly powerful person.
Follow Judith Orloff MD on Twitter: www.twitter.com/JudithOrloffMD
Judith Orloff MD: Are You an Empath? How to Stop Being an Emotional Sponge (VIDEO)
Dr. Hendrie Weisinger: The Face of Emotions---Nature's Messenger!
Katherine Gustafson: Can You Teach Emotional Intelligence?
Deborah Schoeberlein: Stay Mindful When Others Crave Control
Emotional types: Are you a rock? - USATODAY.com
Judith Orloff: How to Identify Your Emotional Type & Transform ...
And certain people can hurt my feelings fairly easily, but others can do/say the same thing and it would have no effect on me. So some people think I'm overly sensitive, and others think I'm unflappable.
You don't mind absorbing everyone elses worries but you won't pass your own burdens on to anyone.
Setting limits really helps with the gushers. When I turned 40, I stopped being everybody's go to girl. I let family and friends know that I'd be limiting phone calls to 15 minutes because the phone gives me a headache and I learned to say no. I found that I'd become a bit of a habit in some people's lives because I was "such a good listener" (I bet you get that one a lot). I think we get into a habit of being needed too... it was tough for me to set the limits but once I learned to follow them, my life improved 100%. I'm 50 now and I have much more balanced relationships with friends and family.. they call me to talk things out but it's not a constant, daily unburdening and I don't break my 15 minute rule. I used to be on the phone 3 or 4 hours a day and now I'm lucky if I get a call or two a day and I love it this way. I used to get knots in my stomach every time that phone rang.
I find that meditating morning and night for 15-30 minutes really helps me to keep my balance.
The part about not being able to turn off your brain to sleep is really true for me. I used to sleep to music or tv, but anymore I have to work till exhaustion to sleep. Fortunately my job does like a 50-60hrs straight then 16hrs off time shift, I couldn't handle a regular 8 to 5 job anymore. Also makes all your friends complain about never going out and doing things.
I'd rather be any of the others
It took me many years to realize I had to shield myself and to not take on more than I could deal with.
I'm very stingy with my friendship now. My friends laugh when I say that I can't afford to take on anyone else but for me, it's the truth.
It did help me be a great negotiator when that was my job. I could always pinpoint which issues were really important to the team across the table and which issues were blind alleys. It also helped me be a better mom... my poor kids could never lie to me because I could feel the vibe coming off them in waves.
I don't do crowds, I don't shop on Saturdays and I avoid Walmart. I also meditate each morning and night and I often go to a wonderful creek near my house and put my wrists into the flowing water to release any negative or overflow energy... my granny taught me that one and it works.
I was named for her and I'm the family mediator and sounding board (but I don't know nuthin' 'bout birthin' babies!). Apparently, all the grey eyed girls in her family all the way back had the same gifts. I'm glad I had a grey eyed son instead of a daughter... it's a lot of psychic interference for a child.
The excessive talking bit definitely! I actually because physically depleted if it's not uplifting. And noise in general. Love music - use it all the time for mood adjustment.
Which makes it sound like a bad thing, but I kind of like it.
Sometimes, it's a shock. I met this woman one time at church who spoke with a really tiny voice. She was meek and quiet and everyone thought she was just the most introverted, meek thing but the only feeling I picked up that literally roared from her was rage. This was my most extreme experience with being an empath. Other than that, it's hard for me to be in big crowds.
.I feel that I am somebody for people to talk to and that makes me feel good.
TO figure out why you've found yourself in this situation and at the same time create a barrier that you can live with, try EFT (emotional freedom technique). Their 2011 summit is on now http://www.2011tappingworldsummit.com/tws_video/registration.php
There is nothing to believe by the way. It's meridian tapping on your face (with your fingers). It's like acupuncture but without the needles.
Although you can do this on your own. To understand it thoroughly, I suggest you look in the yellow pages to find an EFT expert in your city.
Good luck.
Every one is a little of everything...