I see myself as a relatively nonjudgmental person. Be and let be. But yesterday I found myself being highly critical of some people at a restaurant. It's a place well known for their very large portions and huge desserts. I think people often go there because the restaurant gives them license to overindulge. (I can almost hear what some readers are thinking: "Why did she go there, then?" Answer: I was invited -- and I decided before I went that I would eat only moderate portions with no dessert.)
It's OK with me if adults decide to overeat or choose foods that are obviously quite unhealthy. (And having written two cognitive behavioral books for consumers on how to lose weight and keep it off, I'm powerfully empathic to those who struggle with food decisions.) But when it comes to encouraging already overweight children to eat in an unhealthy way, I have little sympathy.
The people at the table next to me were a classic example. A seriously overweight husband and wife were seated with their two young, seriously overweight children. The parents were urging the kids to finish what was on their plates. None of them could possibly have been hungry at the end of the meal. Despite that, all four ordered their own desserts, which were huge: an ice cream sundae, a banana split, a piece of cheesecake and a piece of chocolate cake. The adults polished off what the kids couldn't finish.
"But," you might say, "it could have been a special occasion." Yes, that's true, but why should any special occasion be an excuse for such a galling display of overeating? People should treat themselves on special occasions, perhaps by having moderate portions of their favorite foods. (They could have shared food, for example, or taken half of everything home.) But to model and actually encourage overconsumption does such a disservice to children. It doesn't matter if the kids are normal weight or overweight. There's never a good reason for overindulgence. And it's all too common for isolated instances of overindulgence to turn into consistent habits of overindulgence.
Why do parents overindulge their children? It's related to their beliefs, the ideas that guide their behavior. For example, perhaps the mother and father described above believe that:
The poor kids. They look as if they are fast approaching obesity. They are learning such unhelpful ideas about food and eating, which are clearly influencing their eating behavior and their weight. They are growing up with distorted beliefs about what "normal" eating is.
"Why blame the parents," some might say. "Our society encourages overindulgence. Many cultures often view overeating and overweight as positives." Of course our societal and cultural beliefs and practices influence how we think and what we do. But the buck has to stop some place.
Yes, let's work on the bigger issues of the ubiquity of unhealthy food in the marketplace. The scarcity and cost of healthy food and the lack of safe outdoor areas to exercise in some neighborhoods are deplorable. But for those who can afford and have access to healthy foods, stop promoting unhealthy eating practices with your kids, especially your young kids. Teach them to eat only when it's time to eat. Stop allowing them to eat on demand. Encourage the consumption of healthier foods. Don't outlaw, but do limit, less healthy food. Recognize that what you do and what you say about food and eating can be key contributors to your children's health, now and in the future.
Follow Judith S. Beck, Ph.D. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/beckinstitute
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I was raised in a family that strongly believed in "the clean plate club." It is a conscious, ongoing struggle for me to not encourage my children to join that club. When you are overweight and have been for years, it can be daunting to understand what regular healthy portions are - you think you have a big appetite and if your children seem to follow suit, that seems natural.
Overcoming ways of thinking that you have lived with for a lifetime is hard work - work that many people do not have the resources or education to even be aware of, much less to tackle. Give these parents a break. If they read this article - if any fat parent with fat kids read this article, do you really think they will feel empowered to change? I think they would only feel judged, insulted and defensive. Instead of judging, try educating
Anecdotal evidence slathered in conjecture and projection. The headline "Are Overweight Children a Product of Poor Parenting?" comes down to the author's experience witnessing a single family at dinner.
And we wonder why fat people are uncomfortable leaving the house, when judgmental people like Dr. Beck are studying their eating habits (so she can post a gratuitous story about them on HuffPo). Or how about the number of people who cluck their tongues at the grocery carts of fat people?
Because here's the thing: if the family in question was thin and eating the same amount, you probably wouldn't have noticed. You saw fat people, you saw the portions and you continued to watch because it reinforces your existing beliefs. Well, there are in fact plenty of thin people who eat incredible amounts of food in public and remain at the weight they are, either because they are genetically resistant to weight gain, they have an eating disorder, or they are simply hungry.
Whatever the case, a person's appetite is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS and drawing conclusions about the parenting skills of the parents mentioned above, or the parents of ANY fat children, is incredibly dishonest and shameless.
You want to express your belief that parents of fat children are the culprits? Fine, but leave your pre-tailored anecdotes at home, please.
Peace,
Shannon
FierceFatties.com
Just because you see one fat family eating this way does not mean that EVERY family with a fat kid acts this way. That is the danger of using anecdotes to illustrate a larger issue... people, like you, cannot discern between anecdotal evidence, stereotypes and the reality of diverse body sizes in children.
If a child grows consistently along a growth chart, there is no reason to believe that this child is unhealthy. If his or her weight rises or falls unexpectedly, then there may be an issue. But simply looking at a child and deciding that he or she is "too fat" tells you NOTHING about his or her health.
Peace,
Shannon
Sometimes children can make wise choices, but then again, they have to be taught at home first by parents that want their children to eat more healthy.
I agree the buck needs to stop somewhere. The social forces; poverty, access and marketing exert significant influence on choice and behaviour. I think we must also factor dependency issues for food as psychological passification: food addiction.
However, with all that said by way of pointing out some of the contributing factors - I adamantly support self management, personal choice: portion control and movement are two big game changers in terms of what we individually can do to maintain or restore health. And we do not do this - the "more is better mantra" may not apply to one's waistline.
Arnold Beckman
I reckon the restaurant setting reduced the impact of the story - there is a place for a splurge from time to time. It's the day-to-day out-of-sight chowing that will kill these kids young after a painful and restricted life.
Todays children stay inside far to much and do not play and burn off caleries! They are lazy and pay far to
much attention to tv and video games.
20 -30- 40 years ago you went out after your homework was done and you played until dinner or
darkness.
Softball, kickball, bike riding, skate boarding..... you wanted to be outside. Parents need to encourage
this again.
It would help!
The majority of the people including health reporters, health editors etc like to see obese people eating.
It seems that no one like to know noting about millions of children and adults who are for many years on starvation diet and still they are more obese by each passing year.
No one likes to see millions of obese children who spending their childhood by being hungry for most of the time.
http://www.angrytrainerfitness.com/2010/10/ask-alfonso-tween-temptations/
What do you do when your kids are overweight - and your husband won't lift a finger to help out...
Fitness expert, the Angry Trainer weighs in on a family's diet dilemma... and he doesn't hold back!
http://www.angrytrainerfitness.com/2010/10/ask-alfonso-tween-temptations/