Today I turned 55. How do I feel about being five years into my fifties? I love it. I'm at the top of my game professionally (with a million things on my to-do list), and I think I've never looked better.
And I mean that bit about loving how I look. Sure, I've stood in front of the mirror and played "face lift" (the grown-up version of "doctor"), pulling up the corners of my eyes. But I'm beginning to realize that a new kind of beauty emerges at this age. Not the obvious stuff of youth, but something that's hard won -- the result of life lived and a body cared for.
This is why I was delighted to receive a copy of "I Feel Great About My Hands: And Other Unexpected Joys of Aging." It's a warm, wise, witty response to Nora Ephron's "I Feel Bad About My Neck." Shari Graydon set out to challenge the widespread notion that women over 50 should all be mourning the changes that come with age and invited women across Canada to provide alternative perspectives.
Comedian Mary Walsh weighed in:
After a certain age, it's impossible to find anything to wear. If you're over a size two -- well, over a size ten, really, but still mercifully under a size triple-X -- they don't make anything to fit you, and it's getting worse. Yesterday, because I'm blind as a bat in a felt hood because of my encroaching maturity, I ended up in the dressing room of a shop with a size-double-zero dress. Double zero! Where did that come from? Size zip. Size nada. Nothing. But now, not even nothing is good enough. We have to shrink ourselves down apparently to size double-nothings.
Activist and filmmaker Bonnie Sherr Klein also contributed:
I look down at my hands, writing. Fingers gnarly. Every joint swollen. Lumpy. Turning in unnatural directions. (My long-fingered hands were once my best feature -- piano fingers they were called, though my piano playing didn't match their grace.) Prominent veins on freckled skin... I choose to thank these hands without which I cannot walk. They took over when a stroke ruptured the circuitry from my brain to my legs and feet.
And here's what Helene Anne Fortin, a portrait photographer, had to say:
I think I became a portrait photographer because I was searching for my own beauty. As easy as it was for me to see the beauty in others, I kept missing it within myself. In my sixth decade, I can finally own it ... [In others] it's not their outer shell that I see but their goodness, kindness, sacredness and grace -- their love affair with life and loved ones -- that illuminate their beauty.
Last summer I wrote about how fabulous Annette Bening and Julianne Moore looked in "The Kids Are All Right":
This is a movie that shows women of a certain age in a positive way. Here are Julianne Moore and Annette Bening looking fabulous and clearly middle-aged. That's something women want to see, whether we're younger and fearful about midlife, or hitting the big 5-0 and wondering where the positive role models are.
I also suggested that every woman over 50 go see it so that we could send a powerful message to Hollywood: we want to see ourselves on the screen! (Hollywood seems to be listening. I'll write more about this once my upcoming book, "RIPE," is launched later this month!)
So, the kids are all right, and so are we. I'm 55 and I love my writer's hands. How about you?
The "Ripe" countdown has begun! My new book will be launched in just a few weeks. Watch for the first column about "Ripe: Rich, Rewarding Work After 50" -- a 12-week course on discovering passion, purpose and possibility at midlife.
Follow Julia Moulden on Twitter: www.twitter.com/juliamoulden
Vivian Diller, Ph.D.: The Beauty Paradox: When Feminism and Vanity Collide
In 'The Kids Are All Right' Bening and Moore are not retouched -- they have double chins and wrinkles and I LOVED seeing that! And, yes, Helen Mirren!! I always mention her in my speeches -- imagine, a sex symbol at 64!
Thanks for this, laura!
Yes, I notice that my skin is thinner now, and watched both my parents go through it, too. Wonder if Dr. Oz would like to weigh on in this? Is there anything we can do to keep our skin strong? I've seen people who live rough lives (Inuit, in Canada's far north, for instance), who keep kayaking in freezing waters and skinning and chopping... does their skin get thinner, too?
Thanks, kolbpilot!
Feelings are not truths.
Neenah Pickett - adventures2findhim.com
Yes, hooray to both authors. As long as we celebrate!
I haven't seen a grey hair yet though I highlight my light brown hair so a few could be there but that won't bother me. I'm dating a wonderful guy, won't marry again and he's ok with this.
I truly give thanks for every day I get up and start my day with the 12 pose Sun Salutation.
http://raisingamazingdaughters.wordpress.com
As you write more about this topic, you might be interested in reading several of the articles I posted here over the past months describing the issues you mention above. One was, "The Golden Years In Hollywood" (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vivian-diller-phd/aging-gracefully-in-hollywood_b_810211.html) that mentions Bening and Moore as great role models. And in another piece, "When It Comes to Aging, Real is Really In" (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vivian-diller-phd/for-aging-real-is-really_b_649544.html), I too write about how "Hollywood seems to be listening." I'd be interested in what you think about these pieces.
I look forward to reading "RIPE." Great title.
And glad you like the title -- I LOVE coming up with just the right word. And, boy, oh, boy, do I believe we're ripe...
Thanks, Vivian.
And, yes, I'm noticing that younger men like older women (though I loathe the term that's current to describe it). Do you find younger men interesting enough to date??
http://www.goodenoughmother.com/2011/02/my-red-carpet-revelation/
YAY!!!!
and, yes, I vote for cute (or maybe gorgeous or sexy or stylish or attractive or...) hats. i adore hats. what do you think, nan-nan, could you become a hat person??