Sarah Palin's Much-Anticipated Assault On Literature Slated For November

Rejoice America! The release date for Sarah Palin's much-anticipated new "book" has been moved up from spring 2010 to Nov. 17 because the world simply cannot wait one another second to devour all 400 wisdom-filled pages from Alaska's sexiest import.

Thanks to the tireless efforts of Sarah Palin and her loyal ghostwriter Lynn Vincent, the dynamic duo were able to complete the former governor's new memoir "Going Rogue: An American Life" just four months after the book deal was announced. You betcha!

Governor Palin has been unbelievably conscientious and hands-on at every stage, investing herself deeply and passionately in this project," said Jonathan Burnham, publisher of Harper. "It's her words, her life, and it's all there in full and fascinating detail."

Well, almost her words. Never mind the fact that not a single page was written by the lovely Miss Palin, but rather by former Navy air-traffic controller and renowned ghostwriter Lynn Vincent of "Donkey Cons: Sex, Crime, and Corruption in the Democratic Party" fame. But then again, a book with nothing but pigs wearing lipstick illustrations interspersed with various truncated action verbs (runnin'/playin'/huntin') to describe a certain maverick superstar from the snowy north with some of the most bad-ass winking skills this side of the Arctic, doesn't exactly sound like an award winner.

For those of you who were in a coma, on the bridge to nowhere, or living outside the metropolis of Wasilla during the presidential elections, the term "going rogue" is more than just the ingeniously witty title of Sarah's new literary abomination.

It also of course refers to the criticism some McCain adviser used to describe Palin's erratic and potentially destructive behavior during the end of the 2008 campaign when she did whatever she could to seal the old man's fate as a perennial presidential loser--while still advancing her own (political?) career as the maverick reformer who quit governing Alaska to join Facebook full-time.

So, while Sarah's juicy, soon-to-be-released memoir (do I smell Pulitzer?) may be soaring up the bestseller lists, (holding the No. 3 spot on Amazon just behind Glenn Beck's "Arguing with Idiots: How to Stop Small Minds and Big Government") and worth every penny of the $7 million advance she pocketed, her success on the lecture circuit hasn't exactly fared as well.

Aside from the hefty $100,000 fee this small-town values gal from Wasilla demands, many of the major venues are taking a pass on Miss Palin.

"The big lecture buyers in the US are paralyzed with fear about booking her, basically because they think she is a blithering idiot."

"Palin is so uninteresting to so many groups -- unless they are interested in moose hunting," one industry expert explained. "What does she have to say? She can't even describe what she reads."

That's okay. Thanks to her 432-page war on the written word, we can't either.

Follow Julie Farby on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DemocralypseNow

Comments

[JennAstle]

http://jenniferastle.wordpress.com/2009/10/05/november-17th-the-day-a-lipstick-clad-pig-will-fly/

[Frederic]

It was a disgrace to a lot of American people to put such a half-wit in dangerous vicinity to the presidency. They voted for someone as dumb as themselves, or dumber, to feel cozy. Simple psychology.

[savvydad]

I know. My biden vote made me feel all cozy inside

[den1953]

I wonder if the claws will be coming out from Ann Coulter & the likes of Peggy Nonan, Michele Malkin let the cat fights begin!

[hrholmes]

Sarah Palin on health kare; 'I saw the witch doctor he told me what to do
(boom boom boom boom)
and he said; ew ee ew ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang'

Palin-Bachman 2012 glory!

[L3p3rm3ss14h]

OMFGLMFAO or some other such acronym...

[tartentart]

The statement "the New York bestseller list" has become a joke! There are way to many books that sport that statement on it's cover! Which goes to show that book publishers will do anything to get a book to sell and that includes Sarah Palin's book. Which will sell, but who really cares! So we now know for sure the true reason why Sarah Palin resigned as Governor of Alaska. Money! Got a whole lot of greed going on there don't you Sarah!

[AliciaM1283]

Sarah Palin DID write her book, according to her and her publisher, ( so I think they would know DUH ) although she used another writer's help. Her book, Going Rogue, was not ghostwritten, she only used the other more experienced writer as a helper.

[TexasDem0]

How's the weather there in La-La Land?

[WandaBooneshaft]

Didn't your mama tell you not to believe everything you read, sweetheart?

But if you insist ... the she ADMITS having a ghostwriter -- someone more experienced as a helper.

My dog is more experienced at writing than she is -- without a ghostwriter.

[Jimboy17]

Oh you poor unfortunate thing. Here's a newsflash. If you cannot answer basic question nor put together a coherent sentence, you cannot write a book, pure and simple. At least not one much beyond "my pet goat". BTW she can also see Russia from her porch (according to her, no word from her publisher).

[conned]

The more corporate profit stands to gain, the less honest the words of the interests involved tend to be.

[hrholmes]

what color is the sky? WATCH OUT FOR THAT TRREEEEE!!!

[Deli]

I predict it will be "fact checked" to death and that she has misrepresented her entire life, lied to the writer and publishers and ends up disgraced.

[Woodn88s]

you mean more of a digrace than she already is to this country?..­.......she is shooting for the stars

[Deli]

Being disgraced and being a disgrace are different things. One involves a little more awareness of reality. She is a disgrace while getting away with not seeing or believing it. If her pet project is ripped apart on facts and her publisher has to eat crow, I think reality would we near impossible to deny. However, I will agree, she and her followers have shown an amazing ability to avoid reality and will likely continue regardless of what happens. If I have to see her repeatedly on any lipstick commercial, I am emigrating.

[thehuff]

I would think HarperCollins attorney's would have vetted this quite carefully already. After the mess with Judith Regan I doubt they want another legal battle on their hands.

[Freesia2]

I keep thinking of all the trees that died to give us paper to print up this....GOP party favor.

Poor trees.

[benjaminblue]

The idea that any author invested passion in a project is over-rated as a selling point. Ms. Palin's notions are still loony, no matter how deeply she cared about expressing them (or having someone else express them for her).

It's a sad comment on our society that many writers with constructive ideas cannot get a publishing contract despite the merit of their carefully selected, carefully arranged words. Nor can technicians and tradespeople hope to collect millions of dollars for plying their craft even after investing years of time studying, honing their experience and perfecting their skills. It's maddening that Ms. Palin, who maybe spent a few spare seconds "thinking" during her four-month writing period, can chisel hard-earned dollars out of a segment of the reading public, then chisel that she was a "best-selling author" on her tombstone, despite her meager talents.

And by the way, how did Ms. Palin spend four months with her authoring, when, officially at least, she was a full-time governor during a portion of that timespan.

[KISHAGREEN]

Well said...

[AliciaM1283]

Sorry that you are jealous, but Sarah Palin is very talented, intelligent, and is now a multi-millionaire best-selling author along with Glenn Beck, Hannity, and O'Reilly. Also, she did a damn good job as governor in Alaska.

[Deli]

You sound hoodwinked enough to shell out good money for her work of fiction.

[AliciaM1283]

It is just plain BS that Sarah Palin didn't write "one word of her book". Yeah right, the lies never stop about Sarah Palin. It just shows how threatened liberals are by her.

[Freesia2]

That's not what the Alaskans say. Especially the starving people in Western Alaska. The 200 old folks who died under elder care mismanagement. The tax payers who had to pay thousands of dollars to straighten out the mess she left when she bailed mid-term. The people who's mouths fell open when she openly lied about her record there during the election. Etc, etc, etc. She was a lousy governor. She couldn't even do something as simple as pardon a turkey without making hash of it. Literally.

[RenoSage]

If there is envy it would be because People reap rewards in spite of ineptitude.

[linux]

How can you say she did a good job as governor?

She quit when times got tough.

She's a joke that a certain percentage of the American public just doesn't get.

[Jimboy17]

I agree wholeheartedly. Fanned.