THE BLOG
11/29/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Why Does Facebook Want to Kill Obama?

OMG, what in sweet heavens has happened to our favoritest Facebook?

The once friendly and innocent social networking site has suddenly morphed into a dark and creepy free-for-all -- and this time, it has nothing to do with Sarah Palin.

Secret Service agents are scouring the Internets looking for the culprit(s?) responsible for a user-generated poll on Facebook which poses the question, "Should Obama be killed?" The poll features four answers: Yes, No, Maybe, and "Yes if he cuts my health care."

Once alerted to its existence, Facebook officials quickly removed the offending poll as well as the application that enabled its creation, and notified Secret Service who vowed, "We take these things seriously."

But the really terrible news: sadly "because the application was disabled, the responses to the nonscientific polls are not available."

Oh no-zees! Does that mean we're gonna have to wait for another one of the thousands of maniac racists with basic typing skills, a rudimentary understanding of English, and access to the Internets to get solid, "scientific" poll results like these??

Ugh, that'll take like forever!