Pop quiz for all the single ladies out there! What would you say if I introduced you to this gorgeous, and I mean gorgeous 42-year old former lawyer-turned-grass roots politician -slash-collage artist-slash-poet who's friends with Sean Penn, plays bass guitar, and gave up his 1967 Mercedes-Benz so he could use public transportation instead? I'll tell you what you'd say, in between alternating bouts of sighing and moaning:
"Hello, America's Next Vice-President!"
Ladies, meet Matt Gonzalez. According to his Wikipedia entry, he's been called "the indie rock John Kennedy," which is a nice way of saying he's handsome like Kennedy, but also sort of a wuss. And isn't that what we need in the White House now? Ralph Nader seems to think so, and he's never been shortsighted about anything, ever!
He chose Gonzalez for his running mate after what seemed like several minutes of unbearable suspense. Together, they're a dream team: 74-year-old Grinch-like Nader, the man arguably responsible for Al Gore's post-election beard, and dreamy hunk machine Gonzalez, whose accomplishments on San Francisco's Board of Supervisors include prohibiting elephants from the local zoo, and writing a poem called My Green Manifesto, in which he professes his love for jazz and spinach.
Still not convinced he's the veep you keep?
He's edited books of beat poetry, exhibited his collage art in galleries, wears Doc Martens, and at night, he sleeps on a futon frame instead of a bed, just like a college student! Calm down, girls: there's enough Gonzalez for everybody!
Gonzalez has accomplished a lot in his 42 years, and you can read about all of his degrees & other credits in his bio, but I just skimmed them. I was too distracted by the photos! Seriously: he's extremely handsome!
And that is why I believe Matt Gonzalez will be our country's next Vice President. Think about it: America's population is mostly female. Factor that in with all the men who grew up watching the shows on public television that turned them gay, and we can finally, as a nation, usher in a new era of handsomeness. Isn't it about time we made up for Cheney, who has a face you'd confuse for the hole you put the stuffing in on Thanksgiving Day?
A nation is only as good as its good-looking leader, or vice-leader. Is that a word, "vice-leader"? That's why I'm confident that Matt Gonzalez, who can, by the way, find me on Facebook (and ignore "It's Complicated" because I'm single), will be a superb V.P. I, for one, look forward to seeing him in office once Nader wins the election, which he will, because nobody has a problem with him for any reason at all.
And Mr. Gonzalez, if you're reading this: I'm 5'5, Red/Hazel, and I don't mind sleeping on a futon frame. Wink!