I Need to Get Rid of Him

The other day, I bumped into a colleague pushing her 18 month old through the streets of Rome in a cherry-red stroller. The dark scowl on the little boy's face clashed with the brightness of his cross-country four-wheeler. The exasperation on her face was unmistakeable.

She's been out of the journalism world since her son was born. And she made no bones about her frustrations. Not professional; parental.

So far, so good. I listened and identified with her on several fronts. That is, until she came out with a phrase that made me gasp.

"I took him to daycare today, because I need to get rid of him." I glanced at her and said gently, "Take it easy. You can't express yourself like that in front of him. He hears and understands everything..."

She retorted: "Are you kidding? He knows I need to get rid of him. I can't stand him anymore." Then she added equally angrily "And he can't stand me."

On the one hand, I felt sorry for this mother whose attitude had turned so sour towards her child. And who clearly felt unloved by him. It takes a lot to push one to speak with such vehemence.

On the other hand, it angers me that a mother can have such a poor grasp of basic child psychology that she insults her son to his face. Without understanding the damage she is doing to his self-esteem. Children whose feelings are trampled on in such a manner, grow up with very little self confidence.

There's no point being surprised later on, if -- once they become parents themselves -- they perpetuate the cycle and fail to show respect for their own children in more ways than one.

Or not?

Comments

[dadw5boys]

I want my sons to read this.
In High School and JR High they have girls passing them notes asking if they want to have sex, throwing themselves at my sons with sexy pic and intimate emails. This is a hormonal game I do not want my sons playing,

I want them to undersand they must be self derermining when it comes to sex, family and life.
Just like in school they have to work hard to keep people in their life who are equal to them not running around in a state of confusion.

[Village]

Not every woman is meant to be a mother. It's the smart ones who are honest with themselves, and don't have children.

I recently read about a couple who have an 11 month old they don't want. They just had a child to suit their parents, and to quote them, 'it's ruined their quality of life'. They want to give the child up for adoption, but fear the wrath of their families.

I knew at 12 I didn't want children. And I was right.

[seawolf77]

I have always marveled at the way people circle the wagons when it comes to mothers. Let's face it not all mothers should be. And not all mother/child combos are made in heaven. That said what do you do muddle thru it the rest of your life. I tell young people this all the time. If you don't have you and your family right by the time you are 25 walk away. You will never have it right by design. You'll waste your whole life trying to fill that big black hole. Run away if you have to. See them once a year for a few hours at a time max. But don;t ever let how you come togther be influenced by your parents. or your family. They gave you your life. It is yours.

[dadw5boys]

I tell Teenagers they need to live alone for at least two years before ever getting married or thinking od a family. They need that time to learn about themselves and to learn some personal things.

[PatA]

And it won't be a surprise if he's smoking pot by the time he is 10 to get away from the pain this woman has caused him.

[LadyR]

I agree, Jessica. And her baby might be one of those so-called "fussy" babies, the type that aren't all sweetness and light and happily going goo-goo gaa-gaa. Put the two facts together and you've got the situation as described.

[dadw5boys]

Next time you see a fussy baby. If you can pick that baby up and hold it until it goes thru one whole sleep cycle. I have seen a fussy child change over night seeming more relaxed and secure.

[Jessica Star Rockers]

The woman has postpartum depression and probably has for the last 18 months. She needs help, not judgment. Help from a professional, and help from her family and friends. She's obviously not getting the support she requires, that all parents require. It takes a village. This type of situation is proof.

[OtayPanky]

It's not at all clear that she is suffering from post-partum depression. She may just be a narcissist, or even a psychopath. The stats I've read are that 1 out of 25 are actually psychopaths.

All we can really say from the information given is that the situation is abnormal, and bad for the child. Some sort of intervention is needed.

[dadw5boys]

Recovering Consumer whose whole life was a shopping trip.