I want you to do something. Make a list in your head of the marriages you've seen that you actually like. How many married couples can you think of that have a thriving marriage -- a good, happy, alive marriage -- the kind of marriage that makes other people want to get married?
How many marriages did you think of?
I've tried this question on many people. Most people can come up with only one or two examples of strong, lively, and attractive marriages. I want to change that.
Things don't have to stay the way they are.
You know the statistics. Marriage is broken in our world. If your marriage isn't broken, the marriage of someone you know is. At the very least, your marriage isn't pulsating with the life and power it was meant to have.
But, it's not too late. There's still hope for marriage -- for your marriage, for your neighbor's marriage, and for marriages that haven't happened yet. Marriages can be jumpstarted, the sacred union between a husband and a wife can receive new life and power. I don't care who you are, who you've been, or what your marriage has been through -- everything can be made new.
It's harder and easier than you think.
MEN
Men, it starts with you.
You and I and the men we know want something more. Perhaps you've settled for a marriage that looks like most other marriages. Perhaps you now look like most other husbands -- ordinary, nice, confused. But what you really want is a marriage that feels like a mission, a marriage that's moving forward toward something exciting, mysterious, and grand. Kind of like the way dating felt.
Most men don't know how to date their wives. They did it before, but they've forgotten how, or they're trying but it just doesn't seem to be working. Men need to re-learn the all-important skill. All types of marriages -- good ones, mediocre ones, and bad ones -- will experience a jumpstart when a husband figures out how to do something he's long forgotten how to do: date his wife.
THE PROBLEM
Men are idiots. We work hard to date and pursue our girlfriend, but once we marry our girlfriend it all stops. The man who dated, wooed, and passionately pursued his girlfriend degenerates into the husband who merely shares a home, bills, conflict, and problems with his wife.
Think about it. Once upon a time there was a girl you really liked. And you put a lot of effort into impressing that girl. Eventually, that girl became your girlfriend. You told your friends all about her. You were happy. You kept at it. You didn't let anything get in the way of impressing, wooing, and caring for your girlfriend. But then you stopped.
No husband would ever articulate this, but the game plan followed by the average American husband looks something like this:
Step 1: Find a girl you like.
Step 2: Get that girl to like you back.
Step 3: Impress the girl until she becomes your girlfriend and wants to marry you.
Step 4: Relax.
Step 5: Share a home, bills, conflict, kids, and stress with the girl who was your girlfriend.
Clearly this game plan isn't working well. Our marriages need help. Men need help.
DATE YOUR WIFE TONIGHT
Men, how do we begin to change our course? It's simple. It's so simple you can start tonight.
Date your wife.
You dated your girlfriend. Now you just need to start dating your wife. I bet you a hundred bucks that if you follow the following game plan tonight you'll experience the beginnings of something fresh, new, and exciting in your marriage:
Step 1: Call your wife right now and tell her you're taking her out to dinner tonight. Tell her you're making all the arrangements.
Step 2: Make reservations, arrange babysitting if you have kids, and cancel any previous plans you had on the calendar for tonight.
Step 3: Take your wife out to dinner and give her your full attention.
Step 4: Say "sorry." Tell your wife you're sorry for ways you've neglected your marriage or failed to take care of and date her.
Step 5: Have fun.
Follow this plan, and you're off to a great start. The next step is to start dreaming and planning for how you will continue to date your wife for the rest of your life.
Follow Justin Buzzard on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@JustinBuzzard
There are unspoken loving rules between best friends. BF's have respect for one another's pleasure, whatever type of relationship they may have and know that Love does not hurt.
Also, laughter cures all. My experience has shown me that if you can't find the humour in life you are missing the joy of it.
As for the Granny pants I'm sure he's got a pair of briefs that are tattered and comfy and hard to part with. I suggest next time. walking into the room wearing your granny panties on your head.
If my husband took me on a date I would probably never recover from the shock of it all. All I want is some recognition for all I do.
He does let me be me and that is the most important . I would however like to go out once in awhile . After 2 years of couples councelling the only homework he got was to take me on a date, It still hasn't happened. I think the woman does way more in most cases and one date could open a door to so much more , because you as the man have decided to let your wife know you love her. Let go or not (i am not) your supposed to be in it for the long haul ... do we complain when you let yourself go ...Not usually!!! granny panties or holes and streaks come on !!!?? You don't do the laundry or take your wife out... If you took her out the lacy stuff comes out to play . Nobody is perfect men or women the point is take time for each other and remember why you fell in love ... men you will be rewarded in most cases...
So, should it always be the husband to initiate a date? I think not.
important. I would also suggest to any married couple never to take your partner for granted.
Who knew?
Where is the book for sale?...Gotta have it.
Go out to dinner ..pay attention....got it.
Ain't love grand
Are you really saying that your wife's purpose is to make YOU look powerful and the envy of other men? Does she have any other purpose than to make you feel powerful? What are you without her? Who are YOU?
"I want women to admit it, once they put on those grandma panties at home in front of their husband they are not dating material, well not single dating material."
What are you saying that women should do with that statement? Is it not to wear comfortable underwear? Again, what is a woman's purpose in your life? Are you insecure? How much do you depend on women to lift you up?
I am very interested in your response.
Men are geniuses. And so are women. We work hard to be a man of virtue and worth while co-building a home that our wife and children can feel safe to grow and love in.
Think about it. Once upon a time there was a man she really loved. And she put a lot of effort into supporting that man. Eventually that support faded to disappointment when you were not shaped into the man that she actually wanted to marry but was too dishonest to admit or too weak to acquire or in the worst case, too inexperienced to realize.
No married husband would ever articulate this but all divorced ex husbands know the rules to a chance at marriage success look something like this:
Step 1: Hold her accountable and be accountable yourself.
Step 2: Say "no" half of the time even when you want to say "yes."
Step 3: Create the time and space to encourage her to feel that she is the most important adult person in your life.
Step 4: Communicate only until she stops talking.
Step 5: Love her only as much as she loves herself and never more than she asks to be loved.