THE BLOG

Lose Like An Adult

05/25/2011 12:25 pm ET

We've all had our fun in the run-up to Super Tuesday. We've dug up enough dirt on the Republican candidates to give them a hard time winning against a dead manatee. We've had time to either lament or celebrate the passing of the Edwards campaign, been compelled to accuse Hillary and her supporters of being racist, Barack and his constituents of being sexist, and both of them of being fascist.

Never don't accuse the other team of being fascist.

But now, if not by the end of today's tally then in the very near future, one of the remaining campaigns is going to lose. To the supporters of these losers, whomsoever they may be (you may already be one,) I have but one humble message: lose like an adult. And by that specifically, I mean man-up and vote in the general election regardless, like how someone with character and dignity would.

I know, taking one's marbles and going home might sound like a good idea, but it isn't. It's a bad idea because that's what petulant, spoiled, perspective-lacking children do. Adults understand that imperfect, or even broken systems do not fix themselves by being thrown in a corner and pouted at.

Adults accept that, in politics as in life, we don't always get everything we want and that we never will. At least, not until human beings are erased from the equation and replaced by a race of sentient computers, benevolently programmed by Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. This fact does not stop us from fighting for the change we want, it means accepting that some changes take a long time, and that not all of us are going to see it get there.

Perhaps some are considering not participating in our severely flawed electoral process because they are waiting for a revolution to come and make everything awesome.

This is unfortunate, because there isn't going to be one.

There isn't going to be a revolution because the only people who actually try to start revolutions in industrialized countries anymore are stupid, attention-seeking sociopaths who can't think of anything more influential or original than blowing up office buildings or throwing bricks through Starbucks' windows.

And be thankful that this is the case, because if there actually were a revolution in America, people much more violent and physically fit than you would wind up killing your family with machetes. Revolutions are not awesome. Go Google what's going on in Chad. Now that's a revolution, and I'd wager your average Chadian would much prefer the option of pushing a button and voting right about now, rather than being forced by big men with guns into digging mass graves.

You want a revolution? How about lending a hand to help get three-quarters of our country off its chubby, sullen butt and participating in its own democracy? That would be pretty revolutionary. That hasn't happened in my lifetime.

How about raising a clamor for the much overdo adoption of run-off voting? That way, one day, a candidate can actually articulate an opinion without being labeled "unelectable." True, "run-off voting" doesn't sound as sexy as "revolution," it doesn't look as good on a t-shirt under a picture of Che, but it would change our system as dramatically as night turning into day, and it's possible to accomplish without killing lots of people.

Because ultimately, this is what being an adult is all about: accepting that we didn't get everything we wanted out of life, but at least we made sure the other guy didn't either.

Yay America. Go vote.