Post originally appeared on StopMeIfYouveHeardThisOne.com
I spent the first two years after graduating from college working for a wedding planning website. It's not really important which one, but it's worth noting that it's the "#1 online wedding destination." So ... yeah. The people who work there know quite a bit about this whole wedding-planning thing.
I was even working there while I was planning my own wedding. (Weddings were my life for a while.) And I like to think that I was able to go into the planning process a little better prepared than I would have been if I had gone in cold because a large portion of my job was to, well, plan weddings. Plus, I managed our message boards, where brides from around the world aired their complaints, bragged about their details, and begged advice from their more experienced peers.
And now I want to pass the lessons I learned on to you. Here are seven things working at a wedding-planning website taught me about planning a wedding.
1. If they pay, they get a (very large) say.
In short, the only way to have complete control over your big day is to pay for every single thing yourself. And, honestly, even then you'll have to deal with a lot of opinions. If I had a dollar for every bride who went on our message boards to whine about overbearing parents (who also happened to be footing the bill), well, I could have covered all my own wedding costs. Knowing this fact, it's important to enter wedding planning with a lot of communication up front. Make sure you and your parents or future-in-laws are on the same page about what you want. And if you just don't want to deal with it, scale back your wedding and pay for it yourself. You'll be saving yourself a lot of headaches (and possibly a wedding you hate) down the line.
2. Be nice to your bridesmaids.
It should be an honor to be asked to be in someone's wedding. You should be asking people you love and who have been a big part of your relationship to be part of one of the most important decisions of your life. You shouldn't think that the second they agree they have signed a contract to be your personal slaves.
Your bridesmaids really don't have to do anything except wear the agreed-upon dress and show up on time and relatively sober. So no, they don't have to plan or attend every pre-wedding party, they don't have to construct your bouquets the night before the wedding, and they don't have buy you a lavish gift. But if you're as nice to them as you were before you got a ring on your finger, they might actually want to do those things for you.
3. Don't be a burden.
Speaking of that bridesmaid dress, you really don't need to have the $500 brand-name one to have a beautiful wedding. Either consult with your girls (one-on-one) before making a choice so you know what everyone's budget is or give them a choice based on a color palette or style. And don't demand an exotic bachelorette party or that they stay in an expensive hotel the night before (unless you're buying ... and even then, ask nicely). They'll have a lot more fun at your wedding (and helping you plan) if they're not tormented by a credit card bill along the way.
4. Once you buy a dress, you really need to stop looking at dresses.
You know why? Because there are always going to be more/prettier/trendier dresses out there. Trust me. Bridal Fashion Week happens twice a year, every year, and that fact isn't going anywhere. You will only drive yourself crazy if you keep scoping out your options after you've made a purchase. The same is true for reception halls, color palettes, and, well, spouses.
5. Engagement season lasts from Thanksgiving to Valentine's Day.
Wedding season is technically from June to October, but even that's broadening every year. Translation: You are not allowed to get upset when someone else gets engaged or is getting married around the same time you are. Prepare for the onslaught of "We're getting married!" Facebook updates and back-to-back save-the-dates, and don't expect your friends' lives to stop for a full month or year just because you're hitting a major milestone. Because, trust me, they won't.
6. You are not the first or the only person to deal with that issue.
So stop the pity party. I promise you that no matter what your story is, I have heard crazier. There are people out there with truly insane (and sometimes dangerous) family situations, horrible diseases and financial burdens, and virtually any other issue you can think of. The second you start letting your problems be your excuse to misbehave or treat others poorly is the second you become a bad bride.
Don't be a bad bride.
7. Sometimes, even those really pretty weddings fall apart.
I don't think I'll ever forget the first time I got an email from a bride who had been featured on our website asking me to take her wedding down. Her husband had cheated on her only three years after they said "I do," they were now divorced, and she would prefer if every Google search of her name didn't bring up that pretty little reminder of the happy day they had shared.
The fact is, you can get every detail exactly right. Your color palette can be exactly on trend, you can be exactly the weight you want to be, your bridesmaids' shoes can complement their dresses exactly, your flowers can never wilt, and you can even provide favors people actually want. But that doesn't mean life is going to be perfect when the last of the confetti is swept away.
In turn, not everyone will love their wedding. Sometimes weddings just aren't the fairy wonderland of perfection and joy that the wedding industry makes them out to be. Sometimes they're just a big, complicated event that bring out the worst in people you thought you knew and you're just happy the day is finally over. So if the cake is knocked over and the DJ plays the songs on your do-not-play list and your mom gets drunk and throws a temper tantrum, it's important to remember that the wedding isn't the important part; the marriage is.
The rest? Well, the rest is just cake.