It's been over a week now since President Obama entered the enemy's camp and delivered his magisterial demolition of the rancid core principles of the Republican "loyal opposition." He came in peace, and left them in pieces, extending the hand of friendship, and then elegantly bitch-slapping the bejesus out of them with it. For an hour and a half last Friday, it felt damn good to be a Democrat, and that feeling has been pretty rare just lately.
How it felt to be one of those Republicans, I can't say. Smarmy, two-faced finger-wagger Mike "Bad Penny" Pence sure didn't look too delighted as Obama took him apart like the Black Knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail (t'was anything but a flesh-wound), using Pence's own economically-sub literate budget document for rhetorical toilet paper, and with the outhouse door wide open for all to see. Marsha Blackburn basically dug her own grave by prattling on endlessly like some demented Sunday-school teacher, and all the President had to do was cast the last shovelful of dirt on top of her when she was done. The whole event was like Mike Tyson versus Pauly Shore.
Still, a great day for bipartisan interaction and exchange - that was the general opinion from both sides afterwards, even as one felt the chastened Republicans did protest too much about the genial under-the-spotlight shellacking they'd just endured.
A week on, events in the house and elsewhere prove that nothing has changed. You could poleax these people with a sledgehammer to the noggin, morning, noon and night, and still nothing would get through. And why? Because they don't want it to get through; because, despite their endless plaintive whining about the political polarization they themselves have honed to a fine art over the last thirty years, it doesn't profit them one bit to be bipartisan - a point Obama made several times to the GOP's face.
Case in point, the party's own recently trounced Presidential candidate, alleged maverick and actual cranky old fart John McCain - another supposed "moderate" increasingly heeding the insane siren call of the rabid right - who this week spoke out against the lifting of Don't Ask Don't Tell. Actually he was also speaking out against his own carefully expressed "principles" of the last couple of years. Time was, McCain was happy to leave this issue to the considered wisdom of the Joint Chiefs and other military leaders, stressing that once they felt the time was ripe, he'd be happy to tag along with their superior wisdom.
Well, that superior wisdom was expressed in full measure by Admiral Mullen before the Senate this week. His formulation was precise, devastating and unanswerable: essentially, "why should people have to lie in order to fight for their country?" Even Colin Powell, the originator of this stupid and insulting doctrine, finally found the courage to disown it. And why not? The enemy is howlingly homophobic - who better to kill him than gay guys with guns? One division of fired-up gay women cast into the breach and these wars would be over in nanoseconds.
And meanwhile, where was McCain? He was speeding at a hundred miles an hour in exactly the opposite direction - away from his own words, his own ideals and his own increasingly addled mind. Who's the flip-flopper now, flyboy?
If that's where the moderate McCain - hated by so many in his party for his rumored centrism - had fetched up, imagine where the rest of his howl-at-the-moon party was. It seems that there is no Republican principle that cannot be instantly disavowed if Obama decides it's worth backing. The moment the President expressed his support for a resolution on deficit-reduction, seven Republican senators suddenly found the resolution they had so ardently, full-throatily called for - and backed - to be too extreme for their liking. The moment Obama reiterates his distaste for earmarks, hillbilly neocon grifter "Senator" Richard "Dick" Shelby decides to put a hold on every single Obama nomination currently passing through the confirmation process because of two slices of prime Alabama pork he wants passed. Who can shadowbox effectively against such duplicity and dishonesty?
Yesterday, Dick released his blanket hold on most of the executive nominations after his psychotic obstructionst tactics were exposed. His explanation? To get "the White House's attention", OR two swine-flu-flavored, defense earmarks that Shelby coveted for his own racist welfare state. What better way to get $40 billion for an aerial refueling tanker fleet than to grind the Federal Government to a halt? And when do great patriots like Dick Shelby or John McCain opt to throw their weight behind a Paris based, foreign competitor to Boeing? January 21st, when the psychopaths on the Supreme Court decided that foreign companies such as Shelby's money bag, Airbus' parent company EADS could contribute to U.S. political campaigns with impunity. So much for freedom fries. That "R" after your name? That doesn't just stand for your party affiliation anymore, morons. It also means you're "the R Word".
YES: 39% for what iniquitous and treasonable conduct, no one's exactly sure, but impeach him anyway, NOW.
Should Obama be impeached?
YES: an astonishing 63%. This bespeaks an ignorance of political reality - and the political spectrum - so stark and moronic that one wonders if there's any road back to sanity for these people.
Do you think Obama is a socialist?
Do you believe Obama was born in the United States?
YES: 53% that is the mindset of a suicide cult - it would be like putting Nicolae Ceaucescu's insane wife in the Oval Office. And on it goes....
Do you believe that Sarah Palin is more qualified to be President than Barack Obama?
NOT SURE: 55%
Did ACORN steal the 2008 election?
YES: 31% (He's HALF-WHITE, you brain-donors!) and finally,
Is Obama a racist who hates white people?
YES: 23%. To which one can only say, go ahead! When the taxes paid by the citizens of Massachusetts to your backward Southern hellhole dry up, you'll come crawling back on your hands and knees begging for our black President - or the Khmer Rouge - to look after you.
Do you think your state should secede from the United States?
These are the people the Republican Party now has to appease. No wonder they're going insane trying to stay politically viable. It's almost enough to make you feel sorry for them.
Eh. Not really.
Follow Kara Vallow on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Teenagesleuth