Note: Do not read on if you have not yet seen the Season 6 premiere of HBO's "True Blood," titled "Who Are You, Really?"
We're back to doing bad things this season. It wasn't until Eric and Sookie ran into the elevator to make their way out of the Authority's HQ that I realized how much I wanted to know what was going to happen to them.
My thirst was sated. Was yours? The gang -- or everyone we care about, at least -- made it out of the compound, with Billith rising above the ruins -- as Jason, prophet of all True Fans, put it -- like a "naked, evil Superman."
After the snooze fest of last season, this premiere was everything we love about "True Blood" and then some.
Maybe it was because it's Father's Day, but I couldn't help but notice how all the maker-progeny relationships were used to to drive the action forward. Let's break them down (and I'll save the best for last).
Our comic relief, Sheriff Andy Bellefleur, had a heart to heart with Arlene and Terry about fairy diaper changes. Arlene assured him that a good father always wants to send his progeny back from whence they came. Fortunately for us, while those alien babies took a whole week to come out of Maurella, they only took a night to turn into four sticky toddlers. Hilarity ensued.
Governor Morrell showed up as a feisty new character with the interests of the good people of Louisiana on his mind. He imposed a curfew for all vamps and planned to shut down all fanger-owned businesses. His men busted into Fangtasia with crazy green laser guns and took down Pam and Tara just as they were having a tiff about the future of their relationship. I miss human Tara as much as anything and hate watching her beg Pam for a little action, but they are sort of cute together, despite Pam's hissing. Of note: Morrell is classic politician. He meets with the True Blood CEO to hand over a defunct hipster bottling factory in the hopes that if the brew can make it back into the market, he can raise a some vampire tax dollars. Cue that Pam hiss.
I promise I want to talk about Bill. But first, let's all ponder how endearing Eric was as he signed back the deed to Sookie's house and let her rescind her invitation into the abode. Nora was still totally in fairy heat as Eric made her promise not to stir the pot as they headed off to figure what they have to do with Bill, but we all know that's not going to happen.
Finally! Is he Billith or still pretty much Bill? We never know! He almost ripped Jess apart when he summoned her. After their girl talk on the beach, Sookie somehow found it plausible to enter that house to find out who he is now. Stupid, stupid Sookaaay. Of course, it looked and sounded like Bill on that patio, and yet, she staked him when he cornered Eric. He ripped out the stake and Jess told Eric, Sook and Mary Poppins to stay away from her maker. Bill warmed up a cup of True Blood and tucked Jess into bed with a story. He didn't know how many and what kind of power(s) he possesses. He likened himself to Sherman, wanting and asking for peace, but no longer knowing how to keep it. The fact is that we have to wait to find out what crazy underworld powers he's unleashed. It was reminiscent of those last seasons of "Buffy," where nothing really made sense anymore but you buy it because you need to stop being -- again quoting Jason -- prophet of all brain-raped against your will. I open speculation up to the comments.
- The most boring man alive, Sam Merlotte, took Emma back to the bar. Alas, it looked like Luna is dead after her implosion on national news. While I try to care, let's adore how he let Lafayette take the pup for a fried-and-dipped-in-sugar snack as he went off on yet another Sam odyssey.
About Jason. After a lovely rendition of "Who Knows Warlow?" with Nora on the beach, Jason defected and got into the spookiest station wagon this side of, well, Bon Temps. We all knew it was going to be Warlow, right? Jason was hallucinating, Bill was being subsumed by naked, bloody vampire gods, the scroll on Sook's bedside table was glowing, and it's finally summer, friends. "True Blood" is back.
Last note: Something may or may not have happened with the wolf pack, but who cares? Alcide is now the pack master, tweaking on V, and spent most of this episode naked. If nothing changes about this sub-plot, I won't complain.
"True Blood" airs Sundays at 9 p.m. ET on HBO.