How To Ditch Other People's Negative Emotions

Today was a four snooze alarm morning. Between the cold I caught from a fellow guest at a friend's dinner, deadlines for clients and editors looming over my sleepy head, and the drained energy I felt from dealing with someone else's negative emotion - I just wanted to crawl under the covers and eat chocolate. Don't you just hate it when that happens?

As someone who is constantly striving to create a work-life balance and blend the commitments of work, family, friendships and creativity, I'm always interested in the latest and greatest on the psychology, biology and sociology front as it relates to creating a well-rounded and emotionally centered life.

In her new book Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life (Harmony Books, 2009) bestselling author Judith Orloff, MD, offers some great new solutions for dealing with emotions in our hyper-tense world. So here's a guest post from Dr. Orloff on her take on how to detach from other people's negative emotions:

First, ask yourself: Is the feeling mine or someone else's? It could be both. If the emotion such as fear or anger is yours, gently confront what's causing it on your own or with professional help. If not, try to pinpoint the obvious generator. For instance, if you've just watched a comedy, yet you came home from the movie theater feeling blue, you may have incorporated the depression of the people sitting beside you; in close proximity, energy fields overlap. The same is true with going to a mall or packed concert.

When possible, distance yourself from the suspected source. Move at least twenty feet away; see if you feel relief. Don't err on the side of not wanting to offend strangers. In a public place, don't hesitate to change seats if you feel a sense of depression imposing on you.

For a few minutes, center yourself by concentrating on your breath: This connects you to your essence. Keep exhaling negativity, inhaling calm. This helps to ground yourself and purify fear or other difficult emotions Visualize negativity as gray fog lifting from your body, and hope as golden light entering. This can yield quick results.

Negative emotions such as fear frequently lodge in your emotional center at the solar plexus. Place your palm there as you keep sending loving-kindness to that area to flush stress out. For longstanding depression or anxiety, use this method daily to strengthen this center. It's comforting and builds a sense of safety and optimism.

Shield yourself. A handy form of protection many people use, including healers with trying patients, involves visualizing an envelope of white light (or any color you feel imparts power) around your entire body. Think of it as a shield that blocks out negativity or physical discomfort but allows what's positive to filter in.

Look for positive people and situations. Call a friend who sees the good in others. Spend time with a colleague who affirms the bright side of things. Listen to hopeful people. Hear the faith they have in themselves and others. Also relish hopeful words, songs, and art forms. Hope is contagious and it will lift your mood.

Keep practicing these strategies. You don't have to reinvent the wheel each time you're on emotional overload. With strategies to cope, you can have quicker retorts to stressful situations, feel safer, and your sensitivities can blossom.

Karen Leland is author of the recently released book Time Management In An Instant:60 Ways to Make the Most of Your Day. She is also co-founder of Sterling Marketing Group where she helps authors and entrepreneurs use the power of pr and marketing to promote their books and business. For more information please contact her at [e-mail]

Follow Karen Leland on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Karenleland

Comments

[toxicbrainpoison]

Keep away from the energy vampires before they suck your soul.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi Karen- The best way I have found to ditch other peoples' negative emotions is

NOT TO PICK THEM UP!

Life is a precious gift,

Ed

[rachel2012]

What kind of solipsistic dribblefest is this?

[JillinPittsburgh]

This is an unrealistic approach to life. Negative emotions are as necessary as positive ones. If you avoid every situation where someone made you feel down or think a negative thought you would become seriously out of touch with the world. You need to rant, you need to vent, you need to commiserate and let others rant, vent and commiserate with you. You need to be blue once in a while. You need to see things through someone else's eyes who may be negative in order to understand things around you.
Besides you can't view the world in terms of positive & negative, black & white, (like extremists do) there are a lot of shades of grey in between. And what you perceive as negative, your neighbor may perceive as positive, who is the judge?

[TheGripester]

Millions of people live in abusive relationships, dealing with the real effects of depression, dependency, and uncontrolled anger. I do not believe that an approach based on imagery and visualizations will, in the long run, make any great difference in people's lives. The only thing that will help is facing one's problems in a mature way, with the help of a registered counselor when indicated.

I lived with a partner who believed in approaches like the ones described in this book. I found that she used visualizations to keep herself from facing many of her problems. Worse, she started labeling some of her acquaintances as "psychic vampires" and ruined some good friendships because she became obsessed with their "negative energy fields." If everyone believed this way, we could easily find ourselves slipping into ostracizing people and witch-hunting based on our "feelings" about their "vibes."

Please note that this is just my opinion. I would respectfully appreciate yours as well. I am noting some posters who support this book dumping a whole lot of "negative energy fields" on those who disagree with the book. Let's stop that right now, please, and keep HuffPost civil.

[bluecollarblogger]

my wife and I taught our children some of these techniques mentioned.­.......but i believe the one that helped us and helped them the most......­..........­...surroun­d yourself with people have positive energy.......who are going somewhere in life.......who are positive about every morning and sunset....­.......don­'t allow pessimism and negativity to influence your life......­......caus­e its too short

[BannedInBoston]

I used to be a kind of "psychic sponge" sopping up anyone's and everyone's personal energy wherever I went. Needless to say, I really don't know how I managed but I did somehow, although I could get into a total funk for days or even weeks from this whole process without being really aware of what was even happening. (To those of you into astrology, I have a Pisces Moon, which is the classic placement for us psychic sponges.)

Finally, as I become more and more aware of the real cause of these downers, I began to practice aura strengthening and aura cleansing and now, at least, I don't pick up strangers' random personal energies so much any more. No. My biggest problem now comes from "one-on-ones" with toxic people at work (corporations attract these types I've noticed) with whom I would never associate given a choice and for just this reason.

Oh, yes, folks, those personal energy fields are real all right, and if you keep an open mind, you can experience them directly AND realize that that's exactly what you're experience. Don't dismiss it as a lot of New Age BS. Believe me, it IS real.

[Frugie]

I was hoping that we could take the bad people and ship them to Sarah Palin's home town.

[Furby]

Are you packing your bags, or did you mean everyone but you?

[twintwine]

"Shipping" people away? Can't think of much which is more negative.

[helloworld2008]

LOL. Thanks for the laugh.

[YogaLisa]

Awesome post!!!!
You can catch a mood just like you can catch a cold...thanks, Karen!

[rachel2012]

cuz evidently both are transmitted by viruses...

[ddorsey443]

Does anyone else find it absurd that a medical doctor is talking about how peoples' "energy fields overlap"? It's ridiculous.

[Starling5]

If more of them did, there would be alot less sickness around and fewer pharmaceuticals ingested.

[wietog]

Yes, how ridiculous to refer to the energy we project as being somehow real. So you don't feel anything in the presence of others? Ask a blind or deaf person about such things, and don't be so quick to dismiss. Years ago doctors (presuming you are one or think they are somehow privy to the only truth) used to bleed people with leeches. Conventional medicine is not always on the cutting edge, buddy.

[TheGhostofFreedomPast]

Well, what I find particularly absurd about the article's suggestions is that they're strictly self-serving.
The implication being forced onto readers here is that in order to avoid negative energy, you have to isolate yourself from others. That can actually lead to an even worse situation.
The suggestions being made by Karen Leland are only applicable in some instances, in other cases you shouldn't just remove yourself from something or someone whom you may be able to help by allowing your compassion to override the negative emotions. I do not appreciate the way this article was written for the fact that it's interpretation feeds one's selfish side and takes away from our obligation as human beings to care for others around us. I'm not suggesting you try to cloth and feed every homeless person you encounter, or offer a shoulder to the next anxiety stricken stranger looking for someplace to cry, I'm simply saying that there are other ways to diffuse "negative energy" without running away and acting like a damn coward.

[racetoinfinity]

You're pointing out a certain amount of narcissism in her post; this may be true, but you can't help others until you are healthy.

[BannedInBoston]

No it isn't. Personal energy fields are real. If it makes your little materialistic heart feel better, call them something else. In psychology, this whole process is called "projectio­n/introjec­tion". Feel better now?

[TheGripester]

Hey hey now - "materialistic little heart?" You shouldn't dis people like this, it does not make your argument any stronger. ddorsey is making a skeptical point - there is no substantiated research to support the claim that energy fields exist, yet the author is a registered Medical Doctor, the diploma of which requires years of study in provable medicine.

You have no idea whether ddorsey is materialistic, saintly, gullible, or cynical from just one skeptical statement. I advise you to make your points without personal attacks, an ad hominem attack drags down any good point or counterpoint into the gutter.

[TOOO]

In my experience, a lot of people like to complain because, well, they enjoy complaining. They need to "get it out of their system." So, when people complain about... whatever (I'm resisting the temptation to get all political, here), I just nod and feign interest and sympathy, with the occasional "uh huh". Eventually, they get it out their system, and everybody feels better.

[Paul Walker]

Great advice, because when you place your consciousness on something you develop a two way relationship with that thing. Hence, as you place you consciousness on a negative thing it infects you with its energy.

[Hans Meiser]

It is not my function nor my duty to make unhappy people happy.
If one can't be happy, they should probably change their circumstances. I realize there are depressed people with chemical imbalances, and that's a different thing than just unhappiness; I don't want to comment on them because I'm not educated in that field.

Back to this whole "four snooze alarm morning and eating chocolate under the covers" thing, isn't that simply the brief and warm thought of what it would be like to escape reality without suffering the consequences? I like having those thoughts now and then, just to relax for a moment, and then you've either got to take it on, or give it up and as I said, change circumstances.

I refuse to let a child get away with "picking on me" and using the water on fire analogy. I believe that does not prepare a child for reality, for their adult life. It will ingrain in them that if they want positive feedback from a person, they can force it with bullying. That isn't a lesson I teach. When my kids pick on somebody I much rather teach them to put themselves into that person's shoes for a moment, see how they probably feel now. They usually quickly come to the conclusion that it can't feel very good, and they change their behavior. I find that a better response.

[BannedInBoston]

You voted for McCain/Palin, didn't you?

[Hans Meiser]

No, I did not. I absolutely despise both of them.

[lastpost]

Clench a fist as tightly as you can, and hold it for as long as you can, before releasing and relaxing. Do this with each separate muscle in your body, until you can do them all together at the same time. Eventually you will program that part of the brain handling routine activities. In the same way that riding a bicycle converts from a high concentration activity, to an unthinking and automatic process. From that point on, your brain will begin to recognize when muscles are tightening up (the onset of stress). And switch to the relaxed condition, before this fully sets in.

[GrainOSand]

Don't label and do not hold. May each moment find you free of any luggage from a previous moment. If this is realized, how can one be harmed by the so-called negativity of others? Others are capable of serving up anything. Where it concerns ones own outlook, be not a porter who carries other people's luggage. When the person calls out like some distressed passenger on a train platform and impatiently points to a bundle nearby, as if to say, "Oh boy (girl), -- my bags, my luggage, my burden is waiting for your hands (heart/mind) to carry them"...keep stepping. Carrying the luggage of others is not your vocation.

Simply, let it flow and let it go. This is not to say that one should be unavailable for any who reach out for help, it is to say just because you endeavor to love and help those who are ill does not mean you have to get sick too. It means opening your heart mind and life to another does not have to be synonymous with losing yourself and any so-called positive outlook you possessed before encountering the sick, the afflicted, or the negative.

Finally, negative and positive cancel each other out leaving indifference, but not without compassion for either side of the swinging emotional pendulum of human life. Someone can be depressingly positive (never tell someone who is suicidal that others are worse off) and illuminatingly negative such that ones positive situation becomes more obvious.