Do You Have a Bad Case of 'Not Good Enough-ness'?

09/24/2010 02:50 pm ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011
  • Karen Luniw Author 'Attraction in Action: Your How to Guide to Relationships, Money, Work and Health'

Somewhere along the way we learned that we must do more, be more, have more and anything less is deemed 'not good enough.' You know, even my tag lines have been ... be more or attract more but too many of us take that out of context.

I work with very smart, top achievers and many suffer from this on-going feeling and, quite honestly, it's debilitating and more importantly it's so pervasive we don't even notice it. It's so underground it's above ground. Okay, now I think I'm sounding like Michael from The Office, sorry.

What would your life look like if you deemed everything perfect just as it is? (You know, I can almost hear the heads exploding now! lol)

Here's the backlash that I usually get when I ask this question:

  • Nothing is perfect, Karen
  • It's not right yet, so it can't be perfect
  • If I deem everything perfect, nothing will get done
  • If I deem everything perfect, I'll never get what I want
  • You're a bit nutty, Karen

There is an illusion that we see EVERYWHERE that if we fight something, demean it, war with it -- we will overcome it. You don't have to go far to see 'The Fight against...." (insert the proper cause -- poverty, obesity, cancer, drugs, etc.) to see that this is very deeply entrenched in our culture. And, really, who can blame us -- we really want all those things that we're fighting against to go away, to disappear, to leave us alone once and for all.

What ends up happening is that many of us get caught up in a fight with ourselves and who will win that fight?

How often at the end of the day do you sit back completely satisfied with everything you've accomplished for the day? Or, do you come home and focus on what didn't get done?

If you're in sales or have a business and you didn't see the sales come in for the day -- do you feel good and say to yourself that you had a great day feel accomplished? Or, do you worry that you could have done more? I don't have to listen too long to the sales professionals that I know to hear how a manager got on them about what needs to be done better. Don't get me wrong, feedback is critical but it also needs to be set up in a positive way. We might be able to motivate people out of fear for a time but it will be a short time and after that, paralysis sets in. The paralysis of 'not good enough-ness.'

What starts to happen in our brain is that as soon as we start to look for ways that things are not good enough -- we will find plenty of evidence for it. On the flip side -- if we look for how things are perfect as they are -- we will find plenty of evidence for it. Which is right? Neither, both exist in our reality all the time. Which is reality? Both.

The real question is what focus will motivate you? What focus will make you feel better? What focus will make you take viable action?

The answer: Over and over again, for the long-haul, it's focusing on how everything is perfect right now.

Now, before your head explodes again, the focus on everything being perfect as it is doesn't mean that you don't take action. What it means is that you appreciate your efforts but continually look for ways to quickly accomplish what you want. Often, it's heading down the path you've been heading down. But if you appreciate the direction you're taking, you'll likely move faster.

Here's a for instance, instead of:

  • berating yourself at the end of the day for not getting through all your emails,
  • not following up with everyone
  • AND not getting that project done and in the meantime, exhausting yourself with those thoughts -

Do this:

  • physically give yourself a pat on the back for your day's accomplishments
  • list all your accomplishments (and I mean all!)
  • plan for what you want to accomplish tomorrow
  • sit back and imagine what it will be like to make those accomplishments

The result:

  • you'll be energized and ready to hit your day full on tomorrow
  • you'll automatically get more done because you won't feel exhausted from beating yourself up the day before
  • you'll achieve what you want

Simplistic, yes. Why would it have to be hard?

You see, when we live in the land of 'not good enough-ness' we attract more ways to experience it. Why would you do that?

Remember, you can do this on your own but you don't have to go it alone, I'm here to help -- connect with me about my coaching programs -- I truly am great helping people identify and live their brilliance!

Karen Luniw is the author of Attraction in Action: Your How to Guide to Relationships, Money, Work and Health and is a coach who helps people break through blocks in their personal and business lives. For inspiration, check out her Top 10 Law of Attraction Tips for 2010 movie. There are huge clues in the movie to help you move further towards your goals.