Where is He? Where is She? How to Attract the Love of Your Life

07/02/2009 10:06 pm ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

Where is who? (I know, you're probably asking that question right now!)

Where is the man or woman of my dreams?!!! Heavens to betsy, I have been doing everything right (haven't I?) to attract that elusive being that is going to make all my dreams come true! Now, where the heck are they? I'm getting tired of this and something has gotta give. (insert sound of exasperation here)

At least once a week I get emailed a question and statement along these lines.

Long days and nights getting to you? I hear you -- I've been there and it was one of the most excruciatingly tough emotional times of my life. By the way, it was also one of the most fun times of my does that work?

You know what it's like, you have your single friends and you have your couple friends. Your single friends are the light of your life -- they're available to have fun with and to cry on their shoulder -- they're always there for you. Until they're not. (Insert new boyfriend or girlfriend here.) On the flip side, you have your couple friends who serve a dual purpose. They offer the hope of couple-dom, two peas in a pod that were meant for each other -- just what you're looking for, wishing for....praying for!! Some of your couple friends also serve as poster children for the type of relationship you don't want. These friends are always there for you, too, except when they're doing couple things with other couples. Hrumph.

It's in the 'tween zone when your friends aren't available, it's night time or they are not quite enough to keep you distracted from what's missing. A-ha! When we start to focus on what's missing and then start letting all those little negative thoughts creep in (insert 'I'm not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, skinny enough, young enough...blah, blah, blah) such as fear, doubt and worry, we start shifting our energy. This shift in energy is NOT GOOD!

And, more importantly, none of it is true!!

Did you hear me?

Oh, what was that? Riiiiiight, I wasn't sure if I heard that right or not, but I think I heard you arguing for your perceived limitations. You really don't want to go there with me! At all!!

With the Law of Attraction, when we're focusing on lack, in this case the lack of the relationship, guess what we get more of? You got it...we witness (and create) more lack. When we start to fear we'll be alone forever, what will be attract? Exactly! More opportunities to be alone.

You see, we can only take actions that are in alignment with our thoughts, feelings and beliefs. If we believe we're not attractive, we'll act unattractive. If we believe we're too old, we'll act too old. If we believe the right person isn't here, we'll act as if they're nowhere to be found.

How do you shift from the reality that the love of your life isn't in front of your face? I talk about this a lot in my book Attraction in Action and here are some tips you can use today...

1. Give up. LOL. I know, not your regular advice, huh? Hear me out, though! No, I'm not asking you to give up hope that you'll find someone to share your days and nights with...not at all. Rather, I encourage you to give up the chase and expect that the right person will show up at the right time. After all, we're talking about the Law of Attraction, not the Law of Chasing.

2. Get a life. Shift from the feeling that everything will be better 'when' your Brad Pitt or Megan Fox look-a-like shows up and move to living your life and having fun NOW. Don't put off your fun - that alone, will make you far more attractive. Neediness is just not cool. Being

Remember in my comment above that I mentioned that my single days were excruciatingly tough and fun. It's true...after a point, I just decided to have fun, to heck with it. Why not? It was at that point that I had this thought often "Wow, I'm having more fun than anyone has a right to!". I'm not suggesting going out and being an over-the-top party girl (boy) but rather choosing what fun means to you and then going and doing it. When you allow yourself that time to get to know yourself that much better, you're more likely to attract the person you truly want AND deserve.