Huffpost Fifty

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Karen S. Exkorn Headshot

Forget the Bucket List -- Create The F**ket List!

Posted: Updated:
Karen Exkorn

On the day I turned 50, I had two very distinctive reactions.

"Wow!" I thought. "The next half of my life is beginning!"
That reaction was quickly followed up by another...
"WTF!" I thought. "The first half of my life is done!"

So I sat down to write my Bucket List, that list that you're supposed to spend a lot of time creating. That list with all of the dreams and goals you're supposed to accomplish before you die. Only, let's face it, a) I didn't have that much time left, and b) anything that includes the word "die" in it isn't all that inspiring.

So that's why I created the F**ket List.

The F**ket List is the list that you can just reel off the top of your head at night after a few cocktails, or first thing in the morning while you're still groggy after a crappy sleep filled with night sweats. The F**ket List doesn't have to be perfect. Kiss your Type A self goodbye. (She's so pre-50.)

Five Tips On How To Create Your Own F**cket List:

Do it! Don't Overthink it
What do you really want to do that you haven't done yet? Sky dive? Get Botox? Skinny dip in a public fountain? Mix it up in (or out) of the bedroom? Eat a can of frosting for dinner? These are some of the answers I've received from many women just like you.

So ask yourself -- What's that secret thing your soul is craving? What's missing from your life that you've always wanted to do but maybe have been too afraid to try? You don't have to make your whole list right away. Just choose ONE thing right now. Don't overthink it. Before you get to tip #2, close your eyes and think of one thing. Write it down. Don't have that perfect journal to write in? Then write it on a post-it note. Or a cocktail napkin. Or the back of your hand.

Don't Should On Yourself
This is one of the mantras that I teach in my corporate seminars.

Studies show that women experience more guilt then men. Upon hearing this, one of the women in a recent seminar commented, "Seriously? They paid researchers for that information? I could've told you that for free!"

Women are filled with so much guilt that they constantly "should on themselves." They say things like, "I shouldn't be taking time to do things for myself" and "I should be doing things for everyone else." So I say...Get over the guilt! Allow yourself to take risks and have fun. Believe it or not, by allowing yourself to indulge in your secret desires, you will actually be a better mom, wife, partner, friend, employee, boss...and you'll enjoy your life more fully!

Put On Your Cape
The main reason why women are hesitant to create and fulfill their F**ket Lists is that they are afraid. I know I was. In fact, I almost wrote my latest book under a pseudonym because I feared that my clients and colleagues wouldn't take me seriously. But then, I decided to put on my cape and just go for it! I suggest you do the same. Put on your Superwoman cape, your Diva cape, or whatever real or imaginary cape makes you feel fabulous and empowered, and just do it! Will it take away all the fear? Hopefully. But if it doesn't, that's okay. It's normal to experience some fear when you're trying to conquer something that feels risky. You can channel that fear into power. Keep reading to find out how...

Do What Beyonce Does. Fake It 'Til You Make it
One of my top ten most exciting evenings ever included having a private dinner with the superstar Beyonce. Surprisingly, she is rather demure in person. But onstage, she's a powerhouse. During our dinner, she explained that when she's onstage she embodies her alter ego, whom she's named Sasha. Sasha represents her fierce, powerful, sexy side. What Beyonce does is what psychologists call "acting as if." Here's the way it works. You may feel fearful, but you can still act as if you're confident. It's like putting on that cape in tip #3. So, find your own inner Sasha. And make your F**ket List dreams come by acting the way you want to feel!

Just say, "F**ket!"
Don't talk yourself out of your dreams, or share your dreams with others who do not support you. And stop with all of the excuses about why you can't or shouldn't achieve your F**cket List. I've heard them all before. Hey, I've said them all before! Don't get caught up with the "What if's." Just decide that you're going to do something, say "F**ket!" and then have fun doing it!

What's on your F**ket List?

Fifty Two Shades of Blue-ish

The Autism Sourcebook