Having trouble with a colleague, paramour, parent, sibling, friend - imaginary friend? Here are eight quick constructive criticism tips which work across the board:
1. Choose the right time and place. Make sure you have at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted time. Be certain you're in a location where you can talk openly.
2. Explain the benefit of talking up front. Admit that talking about a difficult subject can be uncomfortable, but you'd rather have a difficult conversation now than a decaying, untruthful relationship later.
3. Be specific. Psychologists agree it's best to limit your talk to one specific recent event or topic which has been bugging you and resist mentioning a multitude of past offenses.
4. Start sentences with "I," not "you." The goal: Own your feelings; don't slander the other person.
5. Avoid using words like "angry" or "furious." Try to talk about your feelings with words like "disappointed" or "confused." You will keep the mood more calm.
6. Steve Covey's philosophy of "SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD" is timeless. When you've finished your initial self- expression, tell the other person you are truly eager to understand things from their point of view. Then become eager. Try to get yourself to become more curious than you are furious.
7. Set time blocks. Alternate 5-minute time blocks of "expression non-interruptus" until you both feel you've been heard.
8. End on a positive note. Create an upside to talking so that you and the other person will want to talk again in the future, should the need arise. Close the conversation by listing all the positive things you learned from communicating. Make a list of the actions you both will try to do to keep your relationship as strong as possible.
Follow Karen Salmansohn on Twitter: www.twitter.com/notsalmon
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